Originally Posted by
Mollybobs
Well, panic over for now. I am sorry I did not get back here last night, but to be honest, I just slept!
He turned up at 5:30pm, just walked through the door, and we had a good hour of tears and explanations.
He had packed a bag, so that when he crashed his car at 90 miles an hour into a brick wall it would look like an accident and not suicide.... At the last minute he could not do it. He spent the morning going to various chemists and supermarkets to buy enough pills to do the job.
THEN, he says he just thought bu**er it and walked into a doctors surgery (not our doctor)! and spoke to a doctor for nearly an hour, pouring out how these suicidal thoughts had been getting stronger, his problems with alcohol (he apparantly never craves it through the day, nor at night really - he just wants the oblivion it gives), as well as another personal problem he told us about. Whoever this doctor was, God bless him, he gave son both the time and support he desperately needed, telling him at the end that his admired sons bravery in addressing his problems and had nothing but respoect for him
While son was there, he called a 'crash team'? and requested somehelp for son. At this point, son literally ran from the surgery with nurse in hot pursuit! However, doctor rang here, not long after son told us everything and they had a 5 minutes chat. Son now has address and phone number of this team to call to arrange counselling and support.
Everyone is still very raw, but as a family we can face anything - now that the issue is out in the open, hopefully we can start working to resolve it.
For those of you who have been through something similar, do I just back off completely now? I think I might get over involved with things and whilst I don't nag, can't help but advise him what he should do - should I just be there, a silent support? Is it worth me taking to this team to ask what supprt and help I can provide? This is all so new to me, I don't know what the 'form' is - after all, he is an adult. Would anyone even talk to me about it?
Finally THANK YOU.
You have no idea how much your messages helped yesterday, just to know I was not alone.
Love to you all
Oh you poor thing, what you've been through, you must feel totally drained and upset, and although I never had kids, I can relate to how you're probably feeling right now, because I recently had the same thing with my husband.
I should have read the signs, he was slowly sinking deeper and deeper, and it wasn't until he started making the odd comments about topping himself
and of course, I blurted out with the totally wrong thing of "oh pull yourself together, you should be thinking about how lucky you are, you have everything, a business, a nice house, a good wife
money, everything! I should have realised then, that this was serious, and for the opposite reasons that your son now finds himself in this dark place. Hubby's was due to stress, workload, and when you get as bad as that, nothing, BUT, nothing matters around you, not even family who I'm sure he loves dearly. I know this because my sil told me how she felt when she went through a serious state of depression. Anyway, I did no more than rush down the docs and demanded that they give me an appointment for that very night, because I just knew or rather, I felt it in my heart, that he was going to do something desperate, just like you felt with your son, but thankfully, both are still with us.
Now I found, once he was on the pills (which I'm sure they will put your son on), he dramatically changed, he actually talked to me, he laughed again, he was soooooo different and I loved it! They take a while to work, 3 weeks for some of them, but when they do, you will see a very dramatic change in your son,.. I am hoping for you that you'll be as lucky as I was with my o/h.
I specifically asked him just what am I supposed to act like? Did he want me to go? Should I keep quiet and keep out of his way, or should I just be there for him if and when he needed me. He laughed and said he wasn't an invalid, he didn't need me fussing around him, he didn't need me to be asking what he was thinking or about his worries, he just wanted me to be "normal", so that would be my advice to you, make him feel wanted, make him feel important, don't pressurise him into conversation, but when he does want to talk, be a good listener and chip in when you feel it necessary to give him the support he so desperately needs. If you make an "issue" out of this, he will run the other way, so hard as it might be, just try and act normal. Try and help him out with a mission, a goal in life, but your husband has already done that bit, but he wasn't probably in the mood to listen back then was he, so he could be now. He needs to get into something, anything, to occupy his mind now, so that he doesn't sit and stew, he needs a purpose doesn't he, and hopefully, you and hubby could come up with some bright idea or other?
All the best, I'm sure this will be a turning point for him, thank the lord he didn't do anything drastic, so that's telling you he's willing to try and get through this, without taking the easy option, so help and support in any shape or form can only do him good.
My hubby didn't like the councilling
Your son might be lucky enough to actually SEE a person, but my hubby only got the phone call once a week, and then they would pester him to see if he was completing a diary every bladdy half hour when he was trying to run a business and earn a living! He told me to ring them up and tell them not to bother, because in all honestly, they were stressing him out even more than he was!!! He just let the pills do their job and he was only on them for 2 months and now he's totally back to normal again, he hasn't had a pill since christmas and he's happy and perky and chatty! All the best, I'm so sorry you're in the same boat as I was a few months back, it's not a nice place to be, you feel so awkward and useless I know that.xxxxx