Anyone out there want a redundant Mother

Any of you remember this thread which I posted a while back....



Opinions please (from those who have kids)

Sorry had to ask for the opinions of those who have grown up kids, because maybe you'll understand more

As some of you might know, my youngest lad (29) got married last Friday, they have been together sonce he was 15yrs, we've had several moments with her, like the night she was going to stab him (another story) in the middle of the night, whilst he was asleep. We've had stalking, scratching all his car up, a time when she got him back by saying she was pregnant when she wasn't etc., Over the years I have overlooked all these things, simply because they kept making up and believe me I have tried with her, but honestly at times it has been difficult.
Well 4 years ago they started living together (both in the Police Force) and have a great life style,beautiful house, car each, holiday 3 times a year abroad, although she has periodically gone on and off anti-depressant tablets (happy pills as my son calls it) Well suddenly on Mothers Day my son comes here and announces that they are getting married, NO other imformation, just tells me there is a invite in the post.
On Friday 1st Aug we turned up at the church, the wedding took place, when suddenly all the photo's appeared to be with them and me and my EX hubby whom I divorced 15 years ago (can I add me and EX hate one another) but I grinned and put up with it. We went on the one of the most lavish hotels in Clavendon for the reception, again I'm on top table with my EX Patrick had a table with my Mom,sister,BIL,and Pete's current wife One of the uncles came and asked me 'WHO ARE YOU' so I told him, and he promptly went 'Oh I thought that was Steven's Mom.....pointing to my Ex's wife
I had a private word with my DIL and her Mom, and told them that I was far from happy, as I had nothing what-so-ever to do in anything with the wedding, which I was promptly told 'Oh! don't worry we've paid for everything', then I over hear a comment from DIL's mother telling her 'Don't forget to give Dianne(Ex's wife) her present for all the hard work she has done with the wedding.

Am I over reacting about being upset, it's a week and two days now and I'm still feeling very stung by it all. I realise that my youngest son had always held me responsible for divorcing his dad, but there was alot of violence from his Dad and I just couldn't take anymore.I feel that I was only there because it was required, I heard nothing from him since (nothing unusal I suppose) as he is all his Dad, but my eldest son Gary (who I have been helping out money wise for the last 12 months) has not bothered with me either, as he feels I shouldn't of expected anything else from Steven and DIL as she comes from a well to do family with money and that we wouldn't be her families type and therefore should of just been grateful for the invite.

Patrick's said all the right words, but I feel so upset.........like I'm scum
__________________________________________________ _________________

Well there has been nothing resolved and both are still not speaking.
So last week I rang thier mobiles and left a couple of messages on thier answer service ''Mom's are not always right and maybe we argue but they do miss thier children, give me a call''. Well still nothing, now I feel like just saying ''I have not got 2 sons'', I am very disappointed in both of them. My Mom has just been on the phone and said that Gary (the eldest)has rang her and suggested going to see her on Saturday (200 mile trip) but before he went off the phone he was giving her abreak down on all his outgoing and telling her how he had NO MONEY........... Mom's wondering if that is why he is suddenly visiting...please don't get me wrong he has visited her before obviously, but she always parts with petrol money and money for him to spend etc., (in the past) but she doesn't have it now.

I went wrong somewhere with them but I just don't know where. Obviously I stopped giving money to Gary and suggested he stood on his own two feet (he's 31 after-all) and well Steven I lost once I divorced his Dad 15 years ago (he's 30 now) but Steven I can except more, Gary I think has hurt me more.

Anyone want a redunant Mother

I'm sorry to hear your sons are acting like this it must be terribly upsetting for you. my mom was in an abusive relationship with my dad - and i hated him for it, she left him and i didnt blame her at all - i used to hate seeing her get hurt....i cant believe your son blames you for leaving an abusive relationship!!! did he ever witness any violence your EX inflicted upon you? i witnessed all of it as a young child, hence the reason why i hated my dad (we're ok now though now he doesnt drink anymore and him and my ma have patched things up).... still, i think they're acting very silly and i wouldnt blame yourself or wonder what you've done wrong. they're both big boys now who should be acting a bit more mature than they are acting!

*hugs* you sound like a great mum, im sure in time they'll see the error of their ways and come around....im sure someone on here could do with a mum

xx

Oh chick..... *hugs* - kids can be such a giant pain in the ar*e, they really can. I hardly speak to my daughter, so I know where you're coming from.

Can't recommend anything, as I appear to have "done it all wrong" too.

x0x

Awww you can be my mum if you want. I know, kids can be cruel. You have been a brill mum by the sounds of it. I think that it is only the good mums that get their hearts broken hun.
They will need you one day and I'm sure it won't be for money.
Get on with your own life hun and concentrate on that I think it's about time you thought about yourself for a change!
I also think you have every right to be miffed about the wedding!
Thinking of you and lots of hugs xxxxxxxxxxx

Oh hun , I don't know what to say except all you can do is let them know that you are always there for them.

Families can be such hard work

Sending lots of (((hugs))) you are such a great person xxxx

So Sorry to hear this .

(((hugs)))

They did see it, but Steven didn't witness as much as his older brother. And I married a black guy (second time round) although he has always been great with both of them, Still think Steven see's it as an embarrassment....esp at his wedding where they were all white people, Pat stood out like a sore thumb But Pat is worth a million of thier Dad...that's for sure
That's cheered me up....I was beginning to think I was the only Mother getting it wrong
I'll be your Mom then....thanks for you comments, so nice

I must do something right.....the Foster kids keep wanting to come back pity my own don't. Thanks Hun. Your great too

Ah, Hun.

Must admit I'd wondered about them, but didn't like to ask in case they were still acting as jerks (which they clearly still are).

What can I say....men often need their Mum's to sort out their problems, so once there is a 'problelm' between Mum & Son, there's no-one to give the son sensible advice to make up etc.

I do think that they will realise what they're missing at some stage, but sometimes men can be just so dense.

Try and not let it get you down (easier said than done I know) and don't blame yourself.

(((((hugs)))))

It's a toughie Steph but you have to develop the hide of a Rhinocerous sometimes. I would leave polite messages from time to time and leave the door open for them, but other than that ignore the bu*gers.
My OH used to get very upset by his daughter constantly only getting in touch when she needed something, which was fairly frequently and usually money. However she moved in with us earlier in the year, stayed for 10 weeks and was a total pain in the ar*e. Made no attempt to find work etc. she upped and left one day without warning, taking some of my stuff with her. Never bothered to even tell him where she was or what she was doing. He was so angry, totally fuming but I got her new mobile number off her nan and sent her a polite text saying , send your dad a text and let him know your ok, he's your dad he'll love you forever, stay in touch. She eventually texted him 2 days ago, 5 weeks after leaving. It's a start.
They're adults and they are who they are, it's not a reflection on you. Be who you are and if they don't come around, that really is their loss, but you can't be responsible for them for the rest of their lives. Being a parent never ends though does it, Group hug x