just a bit frustrated

I'm at such a loss right now, I really don't know where to turn or what to do, I just have to write this down so that maybe it will make me feel better, they say it makes you feel better to "talk" about stuff, well, since I'm not much of a talker myself, I guess writing about it and sharing it with people will maybe help!

I don't even know where to start! The last two months have just been really bad for me and my family. It started with the death of my grandmother, followed shortly by the deaths of my grandpa and aunt. After my aunt's passing, my step father went into the hospital with an atrial fibrillation. Ever since then, things have been so different between he and my mom. I really have always thought that he was the right person for my mom, she has been married several times, and I personally, absolutely despised all of them, even my father, but thats another story for another day. I have however, grown quite fond of Bobby and actually seen him as more of a father figure than any other male in my life.

But ever since he has come home from the hospital he has been a totally different person. I think it has alot to do with his medication as I have done alot of research and found other people reporting "severe mood swings, depression, anxiety" stuff like that, my mom and I have both asked him to go back to the doctor and see if there is anything they can do, but he refuses to do so. Since all of this has been happening, they have been getting along terribly. They fight constantly, say very hateful things to each other. My mom has gotten into the habit of doing anything for attention, whether it be positive or negative.

The thing that really drives me crazy about the whole thing is, whenver she starts to pull one of her stunts because she is trying to get attention from HIM, he will not respond, most of the time he is not home and will not answer her calls, and most of the time, this stuff happens at 1 or 2 in the morning and since she cant get him to answer, she calls me. In the past 2 weeks, I have been woken up, 7 times, 4 times to take her to the hospital, 1 time was from bobby telling me that she got mad and decided to WALK to my house, which is 20 miles away even though she has a perfectly fine car, 1 time because someone was breaking into their home(which im not really complaining about too much, she had a perfectly good reason because there really WAS someone breaking in, just makes me mad that Bobby wouldnt have anything to do with it) and one more time which was last night, which I will talk about in a few minutes. It just frustrates me for more than one reason. The first, and probably a little selfish, reason being, I have to get up very early in the morning to go to work and I haven't been sleeping well in the first place, and when I finally DO get to sleep, I get woken up. I have gotten to where I actually dread going to bed at night because I never know when that phone is going to ring. I know the best thing that I can probably do is completely stop doing all of this but, I just can't, I never really know when it might really be something serious!

Another thing, and this might be a little selfish too, I dunno, is that they have put me right in the middle of this whole thing. I can't even count the number of times I have been at work or home and gotten a call from one of them, only to be followed up with a call from the other, and they always tell me completely different versions of the story. I just don't understand why they can't talk to EACH OTHER, I personally have never been in a real relationship so I don't know for sure but, isn't that what you're supposed to do? I don't understand why they have to include me. And it's really Bobby who is the culprit because my mom doesn't really offer any information unless I ask, but Bobby never used to call me until all of this stuff started happening, and maybe I'm partially to blame because the first few times, I saw it as him really thinking of me as his daughter, but now I see it more as, he just doesn't want to deal with the problem at hand, and wants me to fix everything. Well I can't fix it! I'm a grown woman, I have my own life to worry about and quite honestly, I wouldn't know where to begin because, for one thing, I don't really know what the truth is! Why can't he call her, or sit down with her, and tell her all of the stuff that he tells me, about the things he sees and thinks? I even suggested that to both of them and the only thing that they have agreed on in the last few weeks is that, if they try to talk they will get into a screaming match with each other. So I suggested they each get a tape recorder and record their thoughts and feelings and exchange them, they wanted no part of that. I then told them to try to write each other a letter, not going to happen. I even suggested that they think about seeing a counselor...definately the wrong thing to say!

We have even been suspecting that he may be seeing someone else, his best friends sister, who is also a married woman. The other night he told her that he would be home from work at 8, and asked if she could wait on dinner until he got off. She did, and finally about 10pm she decided she had waited long enough, threw everything away that she had made at 8, and ate a sandwich. He finally strolled in at 4am and threw a fit because she didn't have dinner ready. He has been gone so much, he gets up early, and gets home late. She has intercepted a few text messages from this lady friend that are a little "iffy" The reason that he gave me was, "she is just so miserable, I just don't want to be home."

So, on to the 7th reason I have been woken up in the middle of the night. My mom called me and told me that something was wrong with her, that she was crazy. I told her to calm down, that she wasn't crazy. With which she proceeded to tell me that they had had a fight and she had grabbed his shotgun and tried to kill herself and that once he finally got it away from her, she ran outside, got in the car, he had followed her, and she tried to run him over, when that didn't work, she ran out in the middle of the road, luckily there aren't too many people out on the backroads that time of night. I guess he finally got her back inside and what was the first thing he did? He left. Rather than sit down and try to talk to her and calm her down, he leaves and LEAVES the shot gun in the house, in plain view, knowing that she has already tried to use it once. She told me that she had never actually intended on killing herself, it was just another plea for attention, which I told her she needed to chill with that crap, but the fact of the matter is, HE didn't know that, HE even told me this morning that he thought she was serious, so why in the world would he go off and leave the gun there if he thought she was serious?

So I spent most of the night trying to convince her that maybe she needed to start giving it a little thought. That maybe she needed to re-think her living situation, I even offered her a place to stay until she could find somewhere to go. I'm a little worried about all of this now, especially since Bobby just called me a few minutes ago and told me that he is going to the police station and see what he can do to have her "taken away" because he just "needs his space" And he also told me that WE both need to sit her down and talk to her about getting some help. Which I partly agree with because she IS depressed and mental problems DO run in our family, so I think she needs to go to a psychiatrist or something and get something for depression, however HE thinks that we need to have her committed, which I think is a little extreme.

Honestly, what she really needs is for him to sit down and talk to her. She has been keeping so much bottled up inside because he gets mad when she gets angry, and absolutely livid when she cries. So all of this is what has made her this way, and its a terrible way to live, a horrible thing to do to one self.

So we are supposed to meet with her tonight and talk to her, I'm merely going because I'm actually going to say what I think tonight, I think he is under the impression that I am completely on his side, but I really need to get the facts straight before I can form an opinion. Maybe she IS crazy, but I don't know that for sure, and I won't, until I get them both in the same room manage to develop some form of the truth. Yes, I'm guilty this time, of putting MYSELF in the middle, but something has to be done to get to the bottom of this. I can't sit back any longer and watch my mom waste away into nothing. She is the best friend I have ever had, and she means so much to me, she and I have such a wonderful, loving relationship and I can't just sit and watch her slowly wither away.

Don't get me wrong, I really think they are BOTH great people, and I love Bobby to death, he has been wonderful to the both of us up until this point and I think alot of this has to do with the medication he is on. And I also don't want to lay all the blame on him, I know they are both at fault to an extent. I think what they need is just a little time away to collect their thoughts and decide where they want to go from this point. I have told her that a few times and she is terrified to take that step because she is afraid that if she leaves, she will never go back, which I know it's easier said than done, but she really needs to take that chance and understand that things will turn out for the better, whether it's the way she wants it to be or not.

I just can't continue to worry, or jump everytime I hear the phone ring. I spent the entire night last night, terrified that I would get a call from the police, telling me something horrible had happened. There has to be an end in sight somewhere, and I guess I'm going to have to be the grown-up in this situation and make something work, not something I'm accustomed to, I greatly dread confrontation or any kind of stressful atmosphere but, this has gone too far, and none of us are going to feel better until its taken care of.

Oh it sounds like you are having a hellish time just now. I hope that your mum and step dad can come to some kind of resolution. I agree with you that they really need to talk to each other not you and hope that you can make them see some sense.
Sending you a hugxxx

Thanks, I really appreciate that. I had a good talk with them both this weekend but I'm still not really sure where we are going from here!!!

Sounds like your having a tough time a t the moment hun. We're all thinking of you here. Hugs and Kisses hun.xxxx

awww gosh, what a time your having. I do think you need to sit down and get them to talk and get Bobby to the Drs for a check on his medication.

However you also as you quite rightly said need to tell them that you have your own life to lead and they are adult enough to sort their own problems out.

I am finding as life goes on that some times it is best to be brutally honest and also to be selfish now and again.

Be there for them of course but also step away a little and get some of your own life back, hard I know....

Good luck, here if you need to chat just PM me no problem

Take care

Mel x

blimey hun, what a pickle...

I know you want to be there for both of them, but they are adult and need to sort it out themselves...

have you got to the bottom of why bobby isnt interested in why she gets upset? and just leaves?

But you need to think about yourself, the longer you play piggy in the middle the more you will get dragged into it...

Big hugs
Alex
xx

Thinking of you (((hugs)))

Love Jasmine xx

Thinking of you big hugs hun xxdk

Thanks for all the nice things you guys have said, I guess I lied earlier, today has turned out to be a little rough as well. My mom called me at work earlier, very upset. So much so that I could barely understand what she was saying she was crying so much. I know she is emotionally in alot of pain, but I just don't know for sure how to convince her that it's not the end of the world. But we are getting there!!!

The things that you guys have said has been very helpful, as far as the actual situation, I really don't know what is going on. I called her a few minutes ago because she was talking about selling her horse so she could have money to move out. As I am quite fond of that horse and he is just "special" I can't bare to see that happen so I called her back and told her that I would buy him. Which caused her to blow up, she told me that she wouldn't let me buy him because it would remind her of Bobby everytime she came to visit. I can't figure out what she did to make him not want to be around, I really haven't a clue as to how to fix it and quite honestly, I think it's probably best that they call it quits, but I know that's easier said than done. Oh well, if anything new happens I will keep you informed!

awww keep your chin up hun xx