Letters that never made it to print

Could the Home Secretary explain to me how biometric checks on iris
>Patterns and fingerprints are going to help keep tabs on Muslim cleric
>Abu Hamsa.
>
>Les Barnsley
>
>--------------
>
>The government tells us that we are eating too many pies and dying of
>heart disease, then in the next breath they're telling us we are
living
>too long and there'll be no more pension money left for us. I wish
>they'd make their bloody minds up.
>
>John
>
>---------------
>
>'Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial
says.
>Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30.
>
>Colum Hill
>
>---------------
>
>I am married to a Taiwanese lady, and people often ask me if she was a
>mail-order bride. I find this very insensitive. The Royal Mail lose
>around 2 million letters and parcels each year, and to suggest that I
>would trust the delivery of my wife to them is insulting in the
extreme.
>She was sent by DHL next day delivery.
>
>L Palmer, London
>
>-----------------
>
>The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD
>Pirates goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make
>from legal record sales ends up in exactly the same place. When they
>stop breaking the law, so will I.
>
>P Boddington, Ringway
>
>--------------------
>Peter Andre might look smug in all his wedding pictures, but I'd just
>like to remind him that, as a Playboy reader, I have seen his wife's
>m*nge. He hasn't seen my wife's, so who's had the last laugh?
>
>P, Leeds
>
>---------------------
>
>It really annoys me to see these suicide bombers blowing up people as
>well as themselves. In my day, suicide was done in a more dignified
way,
>such as slicing your wrists in the bath, or hanging yourself from a
door
>with a belt.
>
>Paul Mulraney, Belfast
>
>------------------------
>
>My friend's mum recently pointed out that I have the same ironing
board
>cover as her. Can anyone think of a more mundane and pointless remark
to
>make than this?
>
>Alun Daniel
>
>------------------------
>
>I'LL never understand my neighbour. He has recently started
>wheel-clamping his own caravan when he finds he has inadvertently
parked
>it in his own drive! I wonder if he is a sadist, a masochist or both.
>
>Alan Thakray
>
>--------------------------
>
>Did anyone else feel that Mel Gibson's remake of the classic Life of
>Brian wasn't anywhere near as funny as the original?
>
>Anon
>
>----------------------------
>
>On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in
>Australia have discovered the smallest fish known to exist. They've
>obviously never been to the Britannia Chippy on the Gloucester Road.
>
>Alan J., London
>
>---------------------
>
>Hats off to the American police. They arrive at Michael Jackson's
>Neverland ranch to arrest him a mere six months after he admits
climbing
>into bed with young boys on worldwide TV. Perhaps they should get some
>faster cars.
>
>T Barnham, London
>
>-----------------------
>
>HOW come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the 'N' word on his multi-million
>selling albums and win a MOBO award, yet when I used it at my son's
>football match I was asked to leave the park? Once again, it's one law
>for the rich and another for the poor.
>
>Reg Ashcroft, Bradford
>
>--------------------------
>
>The government says that there are nearly 50,000 people with HIV in
>Britain, a third of whom do not even know that they have it. Is it
just
>me, or is it a bit harsh that the government know and haven't told the
>poor sods?
>
>John Campbell, e-mail
>
>------------------------
>
>Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What
>about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on
about
>galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius.
>
>Mike Woods, e-mail
>
>------------------------
>
>With reference to that series "Manhunt" where ex-Special Forces
soldiers
>try to hunt down Andy McNab. Why don't the producers include a couple
of
>Iraqis in the hunting team? They found the tw*t quickly enough the
last
>time he played hide and seek with them.
>
>Shuggie, Email
>
>-------------------------
>
>Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with
>the exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters.
I
>hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid
>sense of humour.
>
>Chris Scaife, Jesmond
>
>------------------------
>
>I see on the news that Lord Hutton says he is "satisfied that David
>Kelly took his own life". He may not have liked Dr. Kelly that much,
but
>isn't this taking gloating just a little too far?
>
>Dave Owen, Edinburgh
>
>-------------------------
>
>I was extremely saddened to hear of Richard Whiteley's recent death.
But
>I was cheered to imagine his life support machine making the famous
>Countdown "da-da, da-da, da-da-da-da! Booooooo!" sound as he took his
>final breaths.
>
>Tripod
>
>----------------
>
>I never worry about the destination when I'm going on holiday. My dad
is
>Iranian and my mum is Irish, so I spend most of the time in customs.
>
>Stan
>
>-----------------
>
>What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being
the
>world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that.
>
>Thomas J
>