How To Talk Essex

madmare

Dogsey Veteran

Location: Essex UK

Joined: May 2006

Posts: 6,949

14-11-2006, 06:26 PM

How To Talk Essex

In the event of finding oneself in the county of Essex (after boarding the wrong train, for example, or taking an enforced traffic diversion) familiarity with some of the colloquial language in popular usage may be helpful.

alma chizzit - A request to find the cost of an item

amant - Quantity; sum total ("Thez a yuge amant of mud in Saffend")

awss - A four legged animal, on which money is won, or more likely lost ("That awss ya tipped cost me a fiver t'day")

branna - More brown than on a previous occasion ("Ere, Trace, ya look branna today, ave you been on a sunbed?")

bruvva - Male relative sharing same parents ("Me bruvva's back in court on Tuesday")

cort a panda - Large hamburger

dan in the maff- Unhappy ("Wossmatta, Trace, ya look a bit dan in the maff")

eye-eels - Women's shoes affording significant elevation to the wearer

Furrock - The location of Lakeside Shopping Centre

garrij - A building where a car is kept or repaired (Trace: "Oi, Darren, I fink the motah needs ta go in the garrij cos it aint working
proper, innit")

Ibeefa - Balaeric holiday island

innit - Modifier, usually at end of sentence, to check or clarify that statement is accurate or understood (see "garrij"

above - "it ain't working proper, innit")

lafarjik- Lacking in energy ("I feel all lafarjik")

oi oi! - Traditional greeting. Often heard from the doorway of pubs or during banging dance tunes at clubs

owssband - Unable to leave the house because of illness, disability etc

paipa - The Sun, The Mirror or The Sport

reband- The period of recovery and emotional turmoil after rejection by a loved one ("I couldn't elp it, I wuz on the

reband from Craig")

Saffend - Essex coastal resort boasting the longest pleasure pier in the world. The place where the characters from TV's, popular soap opera, Eastenders go on holiday

shu' up - Direct request for quiet ("shu' up, I'm tryiner watch Eastenders")

tan - The city of London, the big smoke

war' er - transparent colourless liquid; molecular structure characterised by two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom; vital to

all lifeforms

webbats - Querying the location of something or someone. ("Webbats is me dole card Trace? I've gotta sign on in arf hour")

wonnid - 1. Desired, needed. 2. Wanted by the police

zaggerate - To imply that something is bigger or better than it actually is. ("I told ya a fazzand times already")