Dogsey vibes needed for our dog with dementia-and for me too

I am feeling so helpless and so tired.
Cant stop crying
I have been up since 1.30 a.m-our dog Buster,14, has dementia .He stares,looks very lost ,paces, wont settle ,wont let you hug him etc.Hes been getting one of us up for the last months ,usually around 4 or 5 a.m.,

After I got up he didnt sit down till about 4 a.m ,staring-pacing,getting on the couch with me,off the couch,to the window.etc,etc.I put a chair at the bottom of the stairs to stop him going up,as he would have just jumped on the bed,then off,etc.He settled down for about an hour and then was up again about 5.30.I let him out and then fed him and our 3 cats .
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He then was the same as before-very restless till my O.H (Alan) got up at 10-hes been getting up with Buster every morning ,usually around 4.30, so I left him in bed today and I got up.
(Busters been on Activait from the vetfor the last 10 days-I have spoken to some of you who have had good results with it .Was hoping for some improvement,however slight,but today has been the worst ever)

When Alan went to see to our daughters dog,I just cried and cried.Its so awful to see Buster like this.He still loves his food,his walks and wags his tail when he sees us-even recognises the car.But is that enough?

When Alan came back I tried to say that Im worried that we wont know when the time is right- do we wait till his legs go or hes incontinent -I certainly would never let him get to that stage..Alan said-Youre not saying that the time is right now-because it isnt!!!!!!He tried to re-assure me that Buster isnt in pain -enjoys food,walks,recognises us etc and made me feel awful as if I was being selfish-that I couldnt cope.I know he didnt realise that that was how he made me feel-he was just trying to make me feel better .
The other night he told me I should stop posting on forums like this because they upset me -even though had told him many times of the experiences of many Dogsey members and how much their support has helped.

As some of you know we lost our other dog ,Lulu ,3 weeks ago,very suddenly and are still trying it hard to believe shes gone .(I posted on here the night she died and then put some photos on,of Buster and Lulu.)They had been together for 14 yrs and he doted on her. Now although he was exhibiting this behaviour before Lulu died ,I keep thinking hes looking for her.
I want to do whats best for him,but seeing him like this is breaking my heart.We have had dogs for the last 40 yrs and the thought of coming in to a house with out them there ,is awful-but if I had to make that awful decision for Busters sake then I would do it.

I dont know what Im expecting any of you to say-I just really needed to say all this to someone who would understand.
Im cold now as the heating has gone off but I dont want to shout down to ask Alan to turn it back on,in case Buster has settled.

Buster and Lulu have kept me going through many stressful times- my 2 kids split up from their partners,both in the last 18 mths,one after 16 yrs ,1 after 8.
Then,a week after Lulu died Alan had to had several lumps removed from the side of his nose,then he got an infection in the stitches,we are waiting to see if the lumps were non malignant .

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Didnt mean to put all this on this post ,sorry its so long and rambling,Im having trouble even putting a sentence together.Thank you for reading this-I feel a bit better- a bit like talking to a friend on the phone.Thanks again for anyone who has helped me when I posted about Lulu too

from Maureen

Busters just come in the bedroom now and given me a big wag of his tail,and put his head under my hand for a stroke -crying again.Bit of good news-the heatings come on,Alans made me a cup of tea and Ive got a bag of Cadburys mini eggs ,which I love-how sad am I !!!!!!!

I can understand how you feel, Its awful to watch, I know from experience with my bc puppy Maisie............ big hugs to you all

Oh Maureen I don't know what to say. I was thinking of Buster the other day and really hoped the medication would make a difference which it obviously hasn't. I have never had a dog with dementia but I can imagine it must be heartbreaking and to see them pacing around would really be upsetting.

This is not meant to be insensitive but have you considered getting another dog? I know it is only recently that you lost Lulu but I was thinking as you have always had dogs you could give a lovely experienced home to one which would maybe have a positive effect on Buster. Probably a very silly suggestion and don't mean to offend.

Lack of sleep on your part is not helping I am sure at the moment and if this continues then I think you will have to make some serious decisions. You have got to think of your own health as well.

Are there any other medications out there that Buster can go on or can the dose of Activait be increased?

Thinking of you and keep your pecker up xx

aww hugs hun

its harder for us than them

has your vet put him on vivitonin as well?

I really don't have any useful advice, i hope someone on here will but i just want to say thinking of you and Buster and ((hugs)) to you all x x.

Oh Maureen. I don't have anything to add of any use We lost our goldie to dementia a few years ago, we kept him going until he lost control of his bowels and that is when we called it a day as his dignity had gone

Huge hugs to you

Hi Maureen, although i have never replied to your threads i have been reading them, they brought up so many memories for me from many years ago, all i can say is when i had to make the decision i knew it was time, my old boy let me know it was, and believe me, they let you know. i just wish i could put my arms through this dam lap top and give you a massive hug and reassure you.

sue x

My 14 year old Samoyed also has Dementia. It is heartbreaking. She sometimes stares and paces, she gets lost in the garden and needs you to go out and call her in...

I have a list...

Good things

She loves her dinner and will still try all her tricks for a treat
she recognises us and is pleased to see us
She runs to us like we're long lost relatives every time she recognises us
Her tail wags when she's happy
she's mostly continent, but gets caught out occasionally
She leans in to a cuddle
She still loves a walk even if its slower and she gets lost if she's more than 5 feet away

Bad things
She has 'spaced moments'
she sometimes has accidents in the house
she gets lost in the garden
sometimes she just barks at nothing for no reason
Sometimes she cries and sings for no reason just to hear her own voice

Currently the good still outweighs the bad and I imagine taking my happy old dodery girl over to the vets and I think... Nope.. not today... Today is still a mostly good day.

Give your boy a big cuddle and ask yourself. Is today a good day? Remember he's not the happy running about young dog you remember, he's a new dog, a beautiful golden oldie dog... he's your doddery crazy pacey crazy old boy... If his days are more good than bad. Then as sad as you are that he can't do the things that he used to, look at all the things he can still do and does still enjoy and be happy that today is a good day...

One day the day will be more bad than good. I know that. I love her, but I can see that one day I will need to make the decision for her that her quality of life has dropped below acceptable levels..

I think, I hope, we will know that day.. But in the mean time if you ever want to chat with someone else with an old demented doggy, drop me a PM.

Am so sorry Maureen don't really know what to say but you must be exhausted n it never helps(heating back on, tea n chocolate does though, little bit ). Will be thinking of Buster and both of you ((xx))

I am sorry the meds don't seem to be working for Buster.

I have never had a dog that has sufferd from dementia so cannot really offer any advice.

But I can send (((hugs))) and support for all the support you showed me when I was having a terrible time with Ollie. Xx