Life and Death

Sorry for the rather dramatic title but couldn't really think of one that explained what I wanted to discuss.

Basically, I grew up in a small town in Cumbria and am the granddaughter of a farmer. However, I was never exposed to death on a day to day basis in the way my son now is. As most on here know, we live on a hill farm and my hubby is head shepherd. He takes our two year old son, Ben, out every day in the Landrover on the "checking all the animals" run. Obviously, where there are live animals, there are also dead animals.

Most farm children seem to grow up with a very detached/realistic view of death, whereas my upbringing has made me rather sensitive to the subject. I have recently been wondering that, at two years old, is it a good thing for Ben to see death so frequently. This morning he came through to our bedroom at 3.15am (yawn!) because he couldn't sleep. He kept saying "dead cow" to me and, even though he didn't witness the actual death of one of our Highland cows, he has since seen the body. It made me wonder whether he is still too young to be seeing things like this, or is it better to get him used to life/death from this young age, so he avoids having the same sensitive nature as me?

Any viewpoints welcome

Its difficult isn't it ?

Our boys when they were young always had pets and we never hid the death of any of them from them they were a bit older than Ben but Gordens point of view was they may end up thinking something is coming back that won't be.

They usually decided in the beginning they didn't want to take part in the burying of the pet the in the garden which was fine, but we usually found they would wander out in the end and take part.

I think if you feel he is seeing too much then you have to deal with it how you see fit.

I think you need to judge it yourself, but I'm a great advocate of children understanding death, that it happens in order for us to eat, clothe ourselves and make nice furniture for our homes. But at the same time, to learn to respect the animals that we use in this way.

I remember at a local fair this year, where I had my marquee with my banner up above the door, a little boy asking what the dog was doing. I patiently explained that it was the dog's job to retrieve any birds that had been shot, as they may be wounded, at which point the mother interjected and said that they would be taken to the vet to be made better and let free again. This little boy looked about eight years old, so was surely old enough to learn about 'food' in this way?

For anyone wondering, my banner has my logo featured on it, which is a Labrador retrieving a grouse.

Thanks for your reply Lynn. I was perfectly comfortable with him seeing the daily situations here on the farm, as long as it wasn't too graphic and decided early on that seeing dead livestock was all part of the sort of life he has and will grow up knowing. I think as far as pets are concerned, he is probably a little too young to understand properly yet, but I probably will try and explain to him where a pet has gone etc.

It just made me wonder this morning whether he had had nightmares and that is why he had come through to us so early and kept saying dead cow I think I will monitor the situation but, for the timebeing, keep allowing him to see what happens.

I do tend to agree with you Tarimoor. I would rather that my son grew up with a good understanding of farm life, livestock, knowing where his food comes from etc. I am still considering whether he is too young (at just 2 years of age) to see some of the not-so-nice aspects, but as long as it isn't too graphic, then I think we will continue as we have been doing.

I can't really understand the mother's perspective regarding your banner It seems that children these days are allowed to witness all sorts of gratuitous violence in computer games, yet don't know that animals provide food

Sorry know is bit different but one of our relatives was a butcher so my daughter saw dead animals/meat often, it never affected her badly(although did go through a veggie stage as teenager,like many do),was part of our everyday lives really and good that she didn't just see packaged meat in shops. Sometimes I was lucky enough for folk to bring me the odd rabbit or pheasant which I prepared at home. One day was skinning a rabbit and didn't hear daughter and a friend come in from school(16 yr olds) until a voice said"oh my g*d, what's she doing?" My daughter said "skinning a rabbit and thanking it for it's life, we should respect it". The poor girl stood with hand over mouth looking shocked. You can only judge and do what think is best, but think children having awareness of death, understanding and respect for living things is very important, as am sure you do. It must unavoidable for him not to see things sometimes, living on a farm, and am sure he loves going out to check the animals with his Dad too and is a lovely little lad. Sorry not much help

Shouldn't laugh at the rabbit skinning story, but it did make me smile. Thanks for your reply, and you have been a help I agree with you and think that having an awareness of death as well as understanding and respecting animals is very, very important. And you are right - Ben loves going out with his dad and seeing all the animals (plus it gives me a chance to get out for a decent walk with my dogs )

I think that kids who grow up accepting death as a part of life can be very well adjusted. I don't see it as a problem, he will have his own concept of what it means at the moment which will change as he gets older.

rune

Thanks Rune. I am sure you are right, and have no plans to change the routine at the moment. He loves going out with his dad so much, that I would hate to have to stop that.

Just wondered how your little boy's doing and if he's sleeping ok again now. Hope all's well