im not even sure how to start typing this, yesterday was the worst day i have ever had to face
I cant stop crying, and i cant put your collar down, i keep looking over expecting to see you, only to remember your not there

you have been in my life almost as long as i can remember, my constant friend, my furry shoulder to cry on, you always listen to what i have to say, and never tell my secrets

i remember when you were born, a tiny tiny little thing, then when you came home, a little furry carpet slipper! how can something that small grow into you, my beautiful big boy

you were more then just a dog, you were even more then my best friend, my lifelong friend, you were my hero, i will never know how you knew the things you did, what secret extra sense did you have? you have never liked strange people, they scared you, but you over came your fear, to help children, theres 3 that i can remember, could be more, you just dragged me straight over to them and sat on their feet refusing to move... how you knew? i will never know.

you were my baby, such a mummies boy, i remember when you snapped your tooth in the river, you were yelping and crying your eyes out, but as soon as i touched you, you were fine, the pain seemed to vanish, you didnt care because your mummy was there and everything was alright, didnt matter that i was in the middle of a panic attack, i will never forget that mad dash to the vets, you lolling along happy as larry, blood pooling from your mouth, blood all down my legs and on snoopys head, we looked a state, the amount of people who crossed the road to avoid us too!!!

you used to jump 5ft with ease in your prime, but you got older, your joints became stiff and your hips started playing up, you started to strugle even jumping on my bed, i can never forget the day your hips first gave out, we were out on a long walk, we were half way up a flight of steps and you started limping, then just collapsed on your back end crying, even my touch couldnt calm you, and i ended up on my knees, face to face with you, crying for your pain and my fear, we ended up having to ring dad to come take us home.

but you got older still, you went off your food and started throwing up constantly, you have always been a fussy eater and had a very sensative tummy, when you were a puppy i used to have to sit and hand feed you, and i was having to do it again, you dropped down to just 25kg, tests were run, you were diagnosed with megasophagus, and you also had a mass in your chest, the vets said that you could have always had a mild version of it, explaining your dicky tummy, and that age and this mass, had made things worse, i had to soak and blend all your food, we were told not to expect you to see the new year.

some how you managed to see in the new year, we had you maintaining your weight at around 30Kg, which was acceptable, but a few weeks ago you took a turn, you collapsed in the garden, unable to stand, i stayed up with you all night, and in the morning we rushed you straight to the vets, you had got aspiration pneumonia, things didnt look good, but you got over it, it took its toll on your back end though, and you were more unstable then ever.

but lately the retching has been so bad, and you just havent been happy at all,you have been off your food and dropped to just 28kg, the decision was made to let you go, we had our final week together, and i held you in my arms.

i miss you so much, i dont know what to do

sleep well my baby boy, run free at the bridge

Joe Dog
01/04/99 - 28/03/11