Here here! It's not for the agency to decide not to turn up just because 'sometimes' you are there on Tuesdays. They have a contract to be there, so they should be. Service reviews should be done yearly at least, and you should be invited or at the very least can request to be there. You can ask for a review at anytime.
The lady I mentioned who had the diary often had family members there when we went to do meals etc. The carer should not feel awkward, in fact it's often a good chance to talk and get to know them and to share joys and concerns.
Yes Attendance allowance is not means tested and it does sound like your Mum would qualify for the lower daytime care rate. The art of getting it is often in the way the form is filled in, and it can be backdated for 6 months before you apply.
It also increases your chances of getting it if you get help filling it in.... see n this site for where you can get help.... http://www.helptheaged.org.uk/en-gb/...e_210307_4.htm

No more advice to add, just wanted to say (((((big hugs))))) to you, I know it can be such a mine field, trying not to rock the boat but not wanting to find the situation is not appropriate and not wanting to upset your mum or feel as if you are undermining her decisions.
Hope you are fairing alright and know you are only worrying and doing it as you care and love your mum.

Forgot too add Becky mum is on attendance allowance and the highest rate as she is classed as disabled, even though there are some things she does for herself still although Gill and I feel she shouldn't be doing them.

When I set all this up she was not deemed eligible for help towards home help costs.

Thanks Em I am ok relieved I spoke too them and got the birthday situation sorted and that mum took it well.

As for the other stuff I will watch and bide my time I have had a lot of good advice on here and am very grateful and if I feel the need in the near future will refer to it if I need to take them too task.

If there are any more suggestions about taking her out too lunch not necessarily her birthday I think I will let that one slip by now, I will mention too mum it is not a good idea and I am not happy with it for all sorts of reasons insurance, if she should be taken ill etc.,

I will be in the firing line for not taking her anywhere now I take her too hospital appointments and when the weather is warmer for walks in her wheel chair but getting her in and out of the car is a trial for her and me she gets out of breath and is in so much pain in her bad leg and shoulder that we feel it is is too much for her and us. Another reason why we worry about them taking her out her shoulder can slip out at any time then she is hospitalized again.

I will be watching and waiting never fear.