Good point it is very possible yes thats why although Gill is saying don't ring them I feel I need too and ask them politely what is happening.

Mum does this at christmas too. My brother usually takes her to Norfolk with him as he has a bungalow and she cannot do stairs anymore so can no longer stay with the rest of us.

She knows full well if Michael couldn't take her for any reason Gill and I would sort something out with her and my other brother probably would too.

My sons don't call her the Duchess for nothing.

I will get to the bottom of it and see what is really going on.

Sorry I missed this yesterday Lynn, you've had some brilliant advice though

When I first read the thread I thought it was really nice of them to treat her on her birthday, then I thought it was a bit cheeky of them not to check with you first...but then I remembered how difficult your dear old mum can be and I wondered if she had maybe told the carers that her children don't care etc., I know you've had problems with her and it went through my mind just as I was reading someone elses thread and they mentioned it too

I do hope you get it all sorted though...I can totally understand you wanting to be with her on her special day. xxx

Thank you Sheree.

Yes she can be difficult lately and it had crossed mine and Gills mind that is what she has done. She is certainly getting worse lately and becoming a bit of a trial.

I will get to the bottom of it and if she has mislead them into thinking that then we will step back and let her go with them well we will anyway but she does know how upset we are I cannot hold my tongue unlike Gill.

Unfortunately elderly people can sometimes enjoy playing one off against the other your Mum might well have said she had no plans for her birthday,I've seen this many times in my job as a social worker being told by a client that they never see their family etc, only to find when I have met the family that they do a hell of a lot for their parent but are also kept in the background deliberately,I think this applies to my own Mum too, I'm sure her n'bours and carers think I'm not bothered but really she is doing what she wants to, and that includes keeping me separate from them, old people can be very much like that for whatever reason!

Just cannot fathom them sometimes.

Too true, I sat at my desk this afternoon and was looking at the UKHCA Code of Practice poster on the wall behind my pc and it basically reminds members of the need to keep a professional relationship with clients, in otherw ords you don't take then out for their birthday lol

We have that too and we will often put a diary in the client's home so all visitors can write down that they've been, leave any questions or suggestions for us , for example, 'Mum might not want much dinner as we bought her fish & chips for lunch' and we can leave notes for them, such as 'Running low on washing up liquid'.
It's also good with some who forget as we can say 'Oh I see |Colin came to see you today......' and that can spark a conversation.
One lady had an A4 page a day diary for all her family to write in and the pages were often full but she'd still say she'd had no visitors that day.

That rings some bells. I never go anywhere and never see anybody.

Just a thought Becky I picked an agency that was insured too take her shopping. Which she has started doing again recently she doesn't go out shopping for food but the carer who use too come in and do the housework now takes her round the town for an hour.

She had stopped this after her fall but has started again wonder if thats where the confusion is setting in generally.

I know it shouldn't but it may be the case.

All agencies should be insured for that.... and yes you have to risk assess where they are being taken too (bane of my life lol).... and the carer's have to make sure they tell their car insurance companies, eg I have business rate insurance, makes no difference to my premium.
We do a lot of 'trips out' even if just for a drive, out for a coffee, chips on the seafront.... all are part of the services we offer and paid for by the client.
Perhaps that's what they mean if her normal care call for her shopping is on her birthday? But I would speak to the agency, she must be paying for her care, esp as social services don't pay for shopping trips.
If they are taking her out as part of her trip round town you need to clarify who is paying for a start!

its nice that they want to take your mum out. but it should of been discussed with you first.
i hope it can be sorted out. and hey mum gets 2 birthday treats which cant be bad.

Mum pays for going out round the town and when they use too take her shopping.

When the agency's owners daughter took her out for a trip too Romford along with her 11 year old son, that was done as a treat as she was off duty.

Mum paid for the pub lunch for them all.

Wonder who will be paying for her birthday lunch ?



Thanks Kath. Gill and I have too calm down first before planning anything again at the moment.