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Location: Motherwell, UK
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 17,088
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Originally Posted by
dizzi
Being fair - I spent a large part of my festive season actively avoiding Eastenders just because of the storyline and because I KNEW it would upset me if I watched it. Last year me and my husband had two miscarriages, three babies lost (one set were twins) and the grief almost drove me to ending it at points... this set about a long chain of events ending in me getting the dog (incidentally, not as one of these women who get a dog as a baby substitute and not treating it as a dog before that can of worms stereotype gets out) and finding my way onto this site. I know baby related stuff triggers me into quite a dark place particularly after the second loss - so I steer well-clear.
I am sorry about your loss, and i understand that the storyline would naturally upset you. I think it is a wise decision to not watch something that upsets you. My mum has lost 5 babies, 4 to miscarriage and one was very late in pregnancy due to the babys health (spina bifida caused her to not form right). That was the hardest one of her, as she was well past the first 3 months, so didnt expect to lose her baby. As she was so far on, she had to actually deliver the baby. It still upsets her today and cries (22 years later), and it tore her to pieces.
However, she still watches this story. It does upset her, but she understands it isnt real and that although it is an upsetting topic she knows she has the choice to turn it off if it gets too much.
Originally Posted by
dizzi
However I can't steer clear of this flipping storyline at all - it's ALL OVER the media, and the still of the funeral with the coffin seems to be a daily fixture in some of the papers with the latest "another 10 people have joined the [System edit: Contains pet groups] group objecting to this storyline" article each day.
That is fair enough, although i personally havent seen it in the media. The only thing i have heard was when it was discussed on Loose Women. I was watching it tonight, and had my OH asking me what was happening with Kat... So he must not have seen anything either... even though i stood next to him discussing it with a woman he works with
Also, that isnt Eastenders fault... they arent making the media talk about it. Its people complaining about it, and making an issue that are causing the media to report it.
Originally Posted by
dizzi
What a lot of women who've lost babies find deeply deeply offensive isn't the storyline being run (although it's not been nice navigating TV schedules to avoid something potentially upsetting - that brings it all right back to the front of your mind anyway), it's the portrayal of any bereaved mother being utterly bonkers and a danger to those mums who didn't have an unhappy ending. I hurt for my lost children in an incredibly brutal way - but I hurt for MY lost kids - not for any random baby I saw in the street (and that's even after 3+ years of fertility problems before we realised we had the other issues with miscarriages as well). I've been driven to the brink of insanity with the grief - sat on the bathroom floor wanting to kill myself to be with the lost little ones, had days where cowering under the dining table seemed a perfectly sane and logical course of action... but taking another child? Never ever ever.
That's the bit they misjudged and that's the bit that's causing the massive offence to many - and I wish for the sake of all those out there it might upset that all the flipping media would quit reprinting the baby coffin photo - because it makes the wretched storyline inescapable for those who ARE trying to avoid it.
Well, that certainly isnt something my mum has mentioned (being as she is someone who has lost babies). I will subtly ask her about it later, and see what her opinions are on that. I personally, think that anyone should be able to see that Ronnie's mental and emotional state isnt right... its not just that she has lost a baby, she has been through a lot more than most people in her life. It is no wonder she isnt stable! That doesnt mean for one minute, that that is the norm. Thats like saying, when Janine poisoned Ryan for cheating, that most women do that same thing when they get cheated on... which of course it isnt! Yes, it has happened before... as has women losing babies and stealing other womens babies. Just coz Eastenders show that, doesnt mean people will automatically think that is the norm... miscarriage is sadly quite common, so if that was the case, then there would be constant reports of babies being stolen.
I still stick by the fact that there will always be storylines that will upset someone (i have had that myself) so i dont IMO think it is right for people to make such an issue out of it... Its just something to avoid and not watch.