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Location: Deal, Kent
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 2,408
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Massive shock....CSA - potential to lose everything (sorry very long post)
Feeling really really down and depressed at the moment. Its quite a long story so pleae forgive me if i ramble on but i am incredibly upset. Basically i have been with my OH for 3 years now. About once a year he gets a phone call from CSA asking him if he is the father to an old girlfriends child. They were only together 3 or 4 months and at the time she told him she was pregnant the dates didnt work out and he had considerable doubts. Also long before the child was born she was with someone else and she moved to Ireland (her family are there). She always claimed he was the father but she never wanted him involved in any way - financially or otherwise.
Anyway the last 2 times CSA have called he has said he wants a DNA test to prove paternity and he has heard nothing more. We have not heard from them since around may 2005. Yesterday he got a set of forms in the post requesting details of his earnings, employer, direct debit mandate and all sorts. They are quoting that he will have to pay 25% of his earnings (post tax and NI!!!)
this would mean we would lose about £400 a month!!!
Due to interest rate rises we are about to have to find another £300 a month for our mortage
. Coupled with the threat of having another £400 taken off us each month we will not be able to afford to keep our house and will therefore lose everything!
I am devastated by the fact that he could have fathered a child (we want a family of our own in the next 5 years), gutted that if this child is his she has grown up without her father, and i dont even have the words to describe how i feel about the fact that the CSA deductions could make us lose everything we have worked so so hard for over the past 3 years. OH had around 45k worth of debt when we got together (and sweet f-all to show for it) and we have managed to reduce it to about 30k as well as getting ourselves on the housing market in the form of a 142k mortgage. Its taken so much stress and effort and has been a real battle to pay off the 15k that we have in the last 2 years on top of rising bills and council tax and mortgage and everything else. We finally feel as though we are getting somewhere and this comes up. This has the potential to lose us everything and i *really* dont know what to do.
If the child is his he has already said he doesnt want to be involved. Not in a horrible way or to shirk his responsibilities but her mother never wanted him involved, she will be 4 in a month or so, and she lives in Ireland so we could never afford to see her via a regular access arrangement anyway (even if he wanted to). There is a chance that this has only come about because she has claimed Income Support of Jobseekers and it is an automated thing. However if the child is his and he is made to pay the money we would lose £400 and the MOST she would have added to her benefit is £10 a WEEK!!!!!!!!!
so the damn government would get £360 quid a month for absolutely NOTHING.
Argh it makes me so mad! If it turns out the child is his we have no problems paying maintainance but if we were made to pay through CSA we would lose everything. We have no way of contacting her directly to arrange private payment that would go directly to her and the child. We would happily pay what little money she would get added to her benefit, and plenty more besides, but we can only afford so much without losing our home and our lives. Our budget is so tight that the last time we went to the pub for a drink with friends was well before CHRISTMAS.
If anyone could suggest anything that could help us please do. I've been struggling with depression and weight issues for some time now and i have been worrying enough about the mortgage payment increase without having to find that £300 increase and another £400 on top. It would be the equivilant of us paying our current mortgage TWICE!!! I just dont know what to do.
Should we be putting the house on the market before we get tied into our new remortgage and trying to either rent or move back with parents?
(in an attempt to avoid any negative credit by not being able to make mortgage payments and eventually lose the house) Should he be looking for another job? Should we be trying to contact her - although we have no idea how? I am just so upset and dont know what to do...........