Converting upsatirs for mum (her house).

I had heard on the grapevine from Gill Monday this is a plan Michael our brother who mum is staying with at present has ideas up his sleeve to do.
She had a bad turn on Sunday and her hands were so shaky he had to feed her later in the day when she felt she could manage food.

He rang and updated me last night. So the big 2nd bedroom gets emptied of the 3/4 bed and wardrobe with all of mums clothes in this is her second wardrobe full of clothes. A table to hold her kettle, microwave, teacups and plates not to many but at least two of each and cutlery tea bags sugar etc., is put in there a cupboard with her televsion on also. Her big recliner chair and two of her smaller armchairs. Not sure it will take them all I may pop up tomorrow to measure.

She will have care 4 times a day. She will have no need to access downstairs or that is the plan. We willshe stick to it. How does she adjust her heating by the thermostat it is in the hallway what happens if her heating breaks down she has an electric fire downstairs to keep her warm till it is fixed no fire upstairs. How does she top up her kettle How does she pay the window cleaner what about laundry I will have to see about a laundry service. Will they pick up and deliver without a signature ?

These are just a few of the things Gill and I can think of at the moment off the top of our heads. We really think it is not a good idea. I would welcome your opinions and any fors or againsts please.

That sounds like a 'man-plan' for so many reasons

I can see the 'idea' (getting her to live on one level so taking the stairs out of the equation), but it won't be her 'home' any more. To be fair, how much time is spent in the bedroom compared to the rest of the house?

What makes a house a home is the familiar and the 'familiar' is being taken away. If mum is like the rest of us, her home is her living area and the bedrooms are the smallest part of that (don't know if I've made any sense there)?

Even with the most dedicated of caring teams, mum would only be likely to have someone with her for (being generous) 4 hours a day (probably more like 2 hours). Is that going to be enough to ensure that she is both safe and comfortable?

If your mum is anything at all like mine, I'd give it a week (well probably more like a day) before she ventured downstairs again - the postman, friend, neighbour at the door. Curiosity would quickly take over from common sense.

I don't know how practical this is, but would it be better first to see if there is some way that mum could do a trial period in a good care home (I know you've been researching) for say a couple of weeks, or even three or four one week stays - say a week there and a week in a trial run of the bedroom idea - and see what mum thinks at the end of it? This way, I think all minds would be put at rest and mum could make the final decision. I have a feeling that when the fear of losing all she knows is replaced by one of feeling at ease and safe in a new home where care is at hand she will opt for the option which I think you know is the right one for her.

Mine and Gills thoughts exactly.

Michael is sounding her out and of course she says she wants to go home and will live upstairs with carers going in 4 times a day. She is a very different person now someone we are not use to seeing but Gill and I think this is a bad idea on so many levels. (Excuse the pun).

We know when she has a good day she will be down the stairs she does have a stair lift thats the other obstacle getting heavy furniture down and up with a stair lift in the way and even tempted to go into the garden.

I don't know why do they always take over and not always for the best. I will tell him at the end of the week my reservations then whatever he decides to do which he will make the decision it is down to him.

This may sound like the obvious and I am am sorry if i have missed the reason somewhere but can downstairs not be converted for your mum.
I know if I was in her situation I would feel much happier downstairs than stuck away upstairs.

I would have thought that toileting and bathroom facilities would be the problem downstairs?

Just my first thought - this would be much better DOWNSTAIRS.

Sorry, but I'd feel like a prisoner if I was confined to an upstairs room and would feel I'd 'imprisoned' someone else if I put them up there. Like being 'grounded' to your bedroom!

Just thinking how frustrating it would be not to know what is going on downstairs. Also, if she did manage to escape her confines - there is the danger of the stairs.

Surely it would be much easier also to pop in and out to her if she was ground floor?

I appreciate it might mean installing another loo and fitting a corner basin or shower somewhere. Just really don't like the sound of putting someone who is infirm upstairs.

Not at all. many people I care for can no longer manage stairs so their bed is bought downstairs. Occupational health will provide a commode, which the carers will empty each visit and the carers can also give her a good strip wash and feet soak everyday on their visits.
Being confined to upstairs is like a punishment in their eyes as if they are locked away from the world. Downstairs I am sure she would be much happier and the stairs can always be blocked so she cannot attempt them.
Anything you need from a bed to a grabrail occupational health will provide free of charge.

Yes and it keeps the 'mum' in touch with what is going on in the 'hub of the house'. I just think it would be so frustrating and depressing to be 'kept upstairs'. Not to even know who is at the door and seems obvious to me that if you do have someone in their own 'quarters' who you need to regularly check on - you are far more likely to do this more often if you don't have to traipse upstairs to do it.

Even when it comes down to 'seeing what they want'. Two trips would probably be involved - one to find out and the other to go get it.

Most people I know avoid traipsing up and down the stairs more than they have to.

No toileting or showering facilities downstairs and no room for any. The only way would cost thousands and new drains and we would most likely need planning permission.

If mum had a commode downstairs and believe me Gill and I have thought of it she would not wait for carers she would be up on the stair lift sorting it herself which kind of defeats the object of keeping her safe.

I am going to try the short term respite approach with Michael. We are working to a time limit here he can not have her after the 2nd week in March. He has the bungalow. Gill Paul and I are not equipped in our houses to deal with her needs. I shall offer to ring her Dr see what she can do re: short term respite after a few weeks we will begin to know if she is going to recover enough to go back to the house or not. If decides no then he will have to sort this out I really feel this is wrong and do not want to be a party to it in all honesty. I have also written to her consultant he should hopefully receive the letter tomorrow asking for advice and recommendations.

Not very practical if she had to be carried downstairs on a stretcher either.