Divorce

I decided to post here because I'm not quite sure who to talk to. *I don't really have any close friends, I'm 25 but not really a going out type and I was always happy just me, my husband and Hamish. I have my sister who I've spoken to. I've seen some people share some personal things on here before and I suppose because it's *faceless* I thought it might help, so here goes..

I've been with my husband for almost 7 years, we got married last year and, despite it being a total cliche, it was one of the happiest days of my life. When we first moved in together around 5 yrs ago and were unpacking, there was a homosexual porn DVD in with his things. We talked about it ALOT and he said he had been curious a while ago and that he didn't even remember having it and was clear he loved me and was straight. I was uncertain about it but after a while it was pretty much forgotten about and we got engaged and got married.*

On 22nd of this month I was uploading some music onto the laptop and I right clicked on media player from the toolbar and a list of "last watched" clips came up. Clicking on them revealed that they were (as I'm sure most of you have guessed) gay (male/male) porn.

I was so shocked, I freaked out, told him to stay at his mums. When I spoke to him and asked outright if he is gay he said he didn't know, but that he loved me and was confused.*

I'm feeling a million different things at once, I want to hate him, but I can't, I've only been away from him for a few days but I miss him like crazy, Christmas was a blur and I spent most of it in bed. I'm staying with my mum and sister who are trying to help but obviously don't know what to do.*

I'm so mixed up and hurt I'm not sure what to do myself. *Thinking about getting divorced and having to sell our house etc etc seems alien to me just now. *I move between thinking "ok, this is over" to "could we work on it" as I can't believe he would have married me if he was gay all along. *I think that's why I thought posting it on here might help as it's writing it all down.

Luckily I have Hamish but right now it feels like he is all I have. Not sure what response I was expecting from this, but well done if you got this far.**

Dee x

I really feel for you, my cousin married his LT girlfriend in a fairy tale wedding, and after them having 2 sons in a 4 year period, she came home ill from her PT job to find him in bed with someone else....another male.

She told us years later that she always wondered but he had always denied it.
Sad as it is for you and him, this needs to be addressed. As if he is gay or Bi, it needs to be sorted for you both to be able to any future at all.

Some people can cope with it and carry on, but if this is not something you can do then you need to talk.

Maybe if he rang and spoke to 'Gayline' talking to them might be able to sort things out in his head.

I have a gay son, and although he has never been out with a girl Gayline helped him sort out his feelings.
I would say this too you though, as much as you love him, staying with him (if he is) would be dreadfully hard for you as you may find in time that you will end up just being his best friend or having to share him with his 'other' life, and for that you would have to be so strong.

My adive would be for him to talk to someone like 'gayline' and for you to talk to someone in councelling but as much as you love him, you both need to ask yourself ''does this have a future and is this something you can accept''.


Best wishes hun xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx pm me if you need a friend to shoulder you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I can't offer any words of advice but just wanted to say I'm so sorry xx

I would say excellent from YS and (((hugs))) and well wishes to you.

good what a situation
how would you feel about letting him " have his cake & eat it" so to speak, could you cope with that?

I take it that you two are sleeping together sometimes? do you feel that he "fancies" you . If so & he loves you , i think its worth fighting for.

He cant help it if he also fancies men, I would be wanting to face it togther, then at least you know whats going on.& try to keep it/manipulate it so he shes men as just "sex" & its only you that he can love.

Good luck lovely! Xx

Dee, I read an article in the DM (I know, I know!;o) yesterday about this. Don't know if it will help - http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/...sband-gay.html

Other than that I just want to say how sorry I am to hear this and I wish you all the best with whatever you decide to do xxxxxxxx

Oh Dee, that must have been such a shock for you.

I, too, suggest he talks to Gayline......

Sending you some big hugs, honey xxx

I`m sorry to hear your life has been turned upside down.
On a practical level, I think you need someone who`s not involved to talk to - have you tried Relate or Samaritans?
Some things you just can`t tell your mum.
Also I feel your OH needs counselling too. He sounds very confused. Please keep in touch.

Excellent advice from everyone.

Can't add to it but I do have a friend who had two kids then left his wife and has been in a long term relationship now for years with another man. He and his wife are friends still but she found it very hard.

As others have said stay in touch and everyone will support you all they can.

rune

Awww bless you, what a shock to find this out.

Excellent advice from the others, I hope it all manages to work itself out for you both xxx