Partners Children

Has anyone of you ever been in a long term relationship and lived with someone who has had children of their own and you havent got any.

When i met my partner almost 8 years ago now his son was 13 years old and he stayed living with his mum for a bit then came to live with us when he was about 15 for a year or so, at that time we only had a 1 bedroom flat so he was sleeping in the living room mostly all of the day as he didnt have a job or would not go to college, it was very frustrating, anyway he moved down south with his girlfriend while she is studying at Uni but the relationship between him and me is ok but could improve. Whenever he comes to stay at our house he expects to be waited on and taken everywhere, goes to his mates house comes back drunk and in the early hours of the morning, his dad takes him everywhere he wants to go and it so annoys me and when i try tell OH he gets in a strop, has anyone else felt like this.

Typical parent and child relationship... he is what 21?? yep sounds about right, they expect parents to be at their beck and call... thats what parents are for to run them everywhere, feed then, clean up after them , they treat their /your home like hotels, they go out come home drunk at all hrs, sounds like most young people !!.

He probable does the same at home with his mum!!

Hmm. You have my sympathy! I wouldn't even consider a relationship with someone who had children. Not at the moment anyway.

Take it as a compliment...he must feel at home with you to act like that

In a few years he will be all mature and you will laugh about it!

Hi,

It must be very difficult but my situation is the other way round. I have a 5 year old boy but my fiance has no children of his own. Fortuantely, Oscar will grown up, having been raise by my fiance. I an imagine it would be much more hard work and demanding to start to raise a child who had already reached 13 years of age.

However, at 21 he is an adult. So to have another adult waltx into your house and expect everything done or him is way ott I think. I wouldn't do it for someone else's child and I wouldn't expect anyoen to do it for mine.

Can I ask - does he just expect his Dad to run around after him or are you expected to do things also? It may be worth pointing out to your OH that you are not your stepson's housewife, slave, skivvy etc. Maybe your stepson could pull his weigh around the place when he does turn up?

Laura xx

Hi Laura

Yes he does expect his dad to run around after him even though when him and his girlfriend come up she stays with her mum which is only a couple of miles away and she has got a car but he still says will you take me to my friends house when he could walk there and its like if we had planned beforehand to go somewhere like one year i wanted to go to christmas party at My Pet Stop but the son wouldnt get out of his bed till 2pm so we couldnt go because my OH wanted to see what his son was doing but wouldnt wake him up, errrr it makes me so mad but i dont like arguments so just accept it. He doesnt ask anything of me, just glad they live 250 miles away at the moment till she finished uni in summer then i just hope they dont come back to Leeds.

Hey my hubbies children are all grown up and married.......and he runs to them at a drop of a hat when they call.................

Let him get on with it, I do, not worth the hassell.

Mind you when they want advice or money it's me they come too

Its exactly like u say at the drop of a hat he will do anything, the 'children' as i call them were stupid enough to get their car trapped in high tide so it was written off, she couldnt wait to get a new car however much extra it costs ontop of the insurance money so he rang up and asked to borrow £200 and OH sent it , i was fuming, we wont get that back.

I just feel when he comes to stay i get pushed out and its all him him him and OH says well he's my son and i dont see him often, i wouldnt mind if he was a young child but he nearly 22 years old.

I get pushed out for a 33 year old,,,,,and she is his step-daughter (although he brought her up) but if I say the sky is blue....he'd check, if she said the skye is blue....she'd be right

I just ignore it now I spent the first 2 years of our marriage wondering where I fitted in (he has 7 kids counting the step children) now I just do my own thing, and I find it works

You have my sympathies. It must be so difficult when it someone else's child.

As JB says this is young people especially boys I think. I have been through it twice with both of mine the only easy thing about it was they are our children, not mine or Gordens but ours and we have always sung from the same hymn sheet with them and never let them divide us over things if we haven't agreed we would discuss when they were out of ear shot.

We have both been guilty of doing anything for either of them, we have been through the coming in at all hours drunk although I will say in their favour they always got up for work the next day regardless of how ill they may of felt.

They are both now mature adults one 29 this year living with his partner and her 2 children and his visiting every other week and holidays and I do sometimes see the difficulties you are talking about there although different ones at the moment.

Youngest one 25 next week and growing into a quite responsible adult still has a little way to go with regards to money but helpful and polite and respectful and living back at home for now.

Hopefully he will outgrow it Michael was a nightmare at 21.

It will be hard to try to ignore it but like Steph says may be what you have to do. Hang in there I am sure it will pass.

Maybe your OH is over compensating because of feelings of guilt.