What I need to say to her....

A few of you who were around this time last year, know exactly how much I adored my ex civil partner, and how distraught I was when she finished our short marriage, and 3 and half year relationship.

She told me the other day that she is in love with her new gf, the one she left me for. I didn't think it had effected me much, but then I heard a song on the radio, Leona Lewis "Better in Time", which has opened up old wounds, I've got it on repeat as I write this.

I wish I could tell her this, but I know she wouldn't want to listen, even though we email, it is small talk, occasionally, we'll say something which annoys, or hurts the other and have a tiff, and then make small talk again, but I emailed her general chit chat earlier, and she hasn't replied - even though I know she's read it, so I'm guessing she's severing all ties.

So I'm really sorry, but you guys are going to get the email I wish I could send to her:

To my angel,

A year ago now, I was picking up the pieces from when you shattered all of my hopes and dreams, I thought we'd end up back together one day, it took all of my strength not to call you, but it didn't take long for me to stop looking at my phone for that message that never came. I thought I had started to rebuild my life, but it was all a front, the truth is, that a year later, I am no stronger. I am no closer to being over you.

I want to be happy for you and your new partner, I should be, as all I ever wanted was for you to be happy, I just wanted it to be with me, but so long as you are happy, then thats all that matters to me. But I can't go on pretending that I am not still in millions of pieces over you.

I think about you everyday, I've lost of count of how many times. I wish everyday that we had never parted, that I had done things differently, that I had not let you down, that I had not made you sad. Above all else, I wish you still loved me. I wish the magic we had, had never died, I still cannot quite come to terms with the fact that it has gone.

I have been in relationships since you and I finished, but I have not had the bolts flash through me like I did when I was with you, every single day I was with you, I used to thank God I was there, by your side every morning. When you used to look at me and smile I felt like the luckiest woman in the world. Little things like me you and our son singing in the car together, are memories I re-visit when I am sad.

Everyone tells me to forget you and move on, but part of me doesn't want to let go, part of me feels like its ok to have this pain, just to remember those moments, and to sometimes even forget that you are no longer my wife. I hear songs that remind me of you, or us, that make me think that I cannot believe where I am right now.

My angel, I love you, I always will,
I'm sorry for not being enough for you,
All my love, forever and always,
Lorna. xxx

Thank you all for listening, I'm sorry x

Someone told me that it is better to write it all down but not to send it as it helps (wish they'd told me BEFORE I had posted it to a bloke I fancied )
Sometimes it helps to go through the motions of sending it so maybe send it off into cyber space to any address.
I see you are blaming yourself for the break up still. Wish there was something I could say to make you feel better.
Big Hugs.
Becky

Gosh, I wish someone would write me a letter like that, it's so touching ! She obviously doesn't know what she's missed out on hun

I know it's a cliche, but it does heal with time and you will feel better about it, but when that will happen is something only you can decide. I know you dont want to let go, but to what point do you keep holding yourself back, saving yourself, when you could be out there enjoying your life instead of putting it on hold ?

I know it's hard, I think we've all been there, and it's easier said that done !

You don't have to close the Book, just close one chapter at a time

{{{Hugs}}} T xxx

Trust you to make me laugh on a serious thread

Sorry Lorna xxxxx

Oh Lorna sweetheart. These things don't just get better overnight. I always say to people, you never totally get over someone you loved that much, you just learn how to move on and cope with the loss, it's like a bereavement but sometimes feels worse only because of the fact that they are still there but they choose not to be with you and that makes it hurt more.

You haven't found someone worth more than her Lorna, but you will in time.

Thank you guys, part of me wants to send it to her. x

Lorna sweetheart, I know it is hard for you,but you need to try and move on. Switch that song off now as it is only going to make you feel more depressed. Think back hard Lorna they were not all good times were they? There was many a time that you were upset when you were together. I know I must sound harsh but Lorna you deserve better and the only way you will find your soulmate is when you leave your past behind. It wasn't all roses. Please try and let go, I am sure once you have you will be happier.

Awwwww I wish you could find someone who could treat you how you should be treated.You hang in their hun xxxxxxx

Oh hun, I promise one day you will meet another who is worthy of your love, and they will love you back as you deserve. You shouldn't stay there listening to that song! Take care, and remember you are never alone, we're all here for you xx

Thank you all, have switched the song off. It helps in a weird way though...

I'm struggling with a lot of issues, being around some farmers who don't treat their dogs as well as they should is also really upsetting me...

Just all happening at once....

Do you think I should send it to her, kind of air it all once and for all x