So sorry.. I have been there many times and it sure never gets any easier..
It will take time to heal the wounds.
We never forget our furry friends, they all take a special place in our hearts.
Thinking of you xx

Thank you all for your kind words, it means to much to me that I have somewhere that I can open up without everyone around me wondering if there is more to it. I miss him so much and nothing seems to really help.
I've been over to visit my parents dog and it didn't help at all, if anything it just made me miss Cookie more. He will always be my baby and he was such a brilliant dog. Even my brother used to boast to his friends how great he is and all the things he could do. I couldn't count the hours we spent training, doing random things and he loved it. We had such a strong connection, he really could read every emotion I had and I never had to hide anything from him.
I think that is what I'm struggling with most, he made me feel safe and strong and now I don't.
My OH and I spend time together crying and talking about all the daft things he would do, but he keeps saying how worried he is about me and I feel like that isn't helping him deal with losing Cookie. How can he grieve for Cookie while he's thinking about me. I keep telling him that if I feel that way again I will talk to him, but I don't think he believes me and everytime I break down in tears I can see it's worry on his face.

As for getting another dog, I don't think I'm ready and even if I was my OH has said no. Cookie was with me for 10 years, almost a year before my OH and I started dating and we have never been abroad because I wouldn't leave him. Cookie would become ill if I left overnight. We had a few nights away that we had to due to family stuff but I always spent the time worrying about Cookie and ringing to make sure he was okay and leaving as soon as we could to get back to him. My OH wants some time for us, just to be us and do what we want, we're both 26 and he want's some us time before deciding on kids. I've had 10 amazing years with my baby boy at my side, I think it's only fair that my OH gets a few years of almost commitment free.

I have other pets, but they are easier to leave. The hamsters and gerbil will be fine with someone topping up food and water, the snake and snail couldn't care less and the ferrets can have a holiday at the rescue (where we got them from). But between then they take up enough time and give me something to get up for every morning and 2 of the ferrets are brilliant when I want to go and have a cry, they climb up me and give me cuddles and lick my face, for those who don't know ferrets they are like a cross between a kitten, a puppy and a kleptomaniac...

I have been down the psych ward road myself, and when I hear or see people really broken up about something, I always wonder if they can cope. I never ask the questions right off, but I always wonder.

It's impossible to read these people, so your OH is likely always going to have that in the back of his head. My parents hid pills from me for years before finally realizing that I was okay and it was no longer necessary. It's love, so try not to get upset if you think he doesn't believe you.

If being around other dogs doesn't make you happy, then don't get another dog. I'm 25 and single with no plans to ever have kids, but for us... these dogs are attached to our childhood and youth where it can be so much harder to let go. I got Brownie when I was 8 and lost him in my 20s. It was so upsetting, but he was old and sick, and we had over 15 years together, fondly remembered.

You will be fine, but it does take time. Hang in there and good luck with your plans.

I'm so sorry. You are grieving but in time you will feel stronger. Cookie sounds amazing and I'm glad you got to share his life. Take care.

I am so sorry to read of your loss and the place you find yourself in and that dark place you will not allow yourself to go back to. What would Cookie have wanted? He would have wanted you to be happy, I know that is not possible right now, but remember the best for his memory is to have a good life. Not another dog, hopefully in time you will open your home and your heart to another dog, home is so empty without one. For now though why not think aobut helping out at a rescue centre or walking rescue Greyhounds? There are 1000's of dogs in dire need of some love and understanding, all our shelters are heaving and volunteers are doing their best. I can really recommend it, you will be doing something lovely in Cookie's memory and then maybe one day, someday, you will catch yourself laughing or smiling at a doggie antic of one of these rescue dogs you are helping and that is what Cookie would want.

It may not be for you and you may not think it is for you, but give it some thought or better still give it a try. Dogs are loving and generous, that is why I am sure Cookie would want you to help other dogs in his memory.

Take care of yourself, you can do this x

SarahJade, I hope you don't mind me posting but I was wondering how you are. With the sadness over the last couple of weeks, Kenny and Harvey, Bebe and George, I have thought often about you and Cookie. Haven't forgotten you are still hurting too. Hope you are alright.

Hi, thanks for the thoughts. It's always nice to know when you're not alone.
I won't lie, things aren't easy. I miss him every minute of everyday. I'm a bit housebound at the moment because of health issues so that doesn't help.
My GP has set me up with an organistion that does some counselling, so hopefully that will help.
Still sleeping with his blanket and his favourite soft toys, and struggling to sleep each night. But I'm sure with time it will get easier and this might sound strange but I don't really feel guilty about things, I wish there was something we could have done but we tried every option we knew of. He was never going to give in, and it wasn't fair. We did the right thing, and in a bizarre way I'm glad the last few months of his life I was housebound with him.
There is nothing worse than losing a family member, my heart aches for Cookie, and for those suffering the same as I am.
Thanks again for asking