Border Collie problem - growling at me & my children when the owner is absent

Hi I need some help please.
I've mentioned this problem on another post but not directly so didn't really get much response

My partners Border Collie often growls at me and my kids, to the extent that I wouldn't trust him not to bite me. It's usually when Grahams not there.
He was a rescue, Graham has had him about 3/4 years, he's been living with me for about a month. The original problem was him and Toesy my male Stafford getting along, which we are over coming really well. They can actually be in the same room most of the time now without any problems.
Lucky (Border Collie) has always slept on the floor in Grahams bedroom, so he still does that now at my house. My 3 Staffords do not go upstairs, or are not supposed to
When Grahams there and Lucky needs telling off for something there is no growling. When Grahams at work or I'm out alone with the dogs and I need to tell him off or tell him no, he bares his teeth and really growls at me. He actually scares me. Also if he jumps up at me for a pet when I come in etc, then say Rio also comes for a pet he growls at her and me and has actually snapped at me on those occasions. I also find he looks at me really daring, I know it sound silly but he is a totally different dog when Graham is not there.
He growls sometimes at me and the kids if we just want him to get out of the way and lie down elsewhere.
It's as if he thinks he's the boss of us.
Out on a walk yesterday Toesy flew at him and started fighting cos Lucky really started growling at me for no apparent reason. I don't want that to happen as we are starting to see a great progress of them getting along.
Do you think him sleeping upstairs is something to do with him thinking he's equal or above me.
I want this to stop before he really realises I'm scared of him, as I think that will make him more pushy.
I do everything for him as well, I feed him and walk him but I still feel that he doesn't like me.
Has anyone got any experience of this or no any way round it.

Thanks
Mitch

We had a dog for a short time a few years ago before OH and I lived together. Didn't really know his background but got him through a friend. Lived with OH during the week and both of them came to mine on a weekend. Anyway, to cut a long story short, dog was jealous of me. It got to the point that we couldn't even have a cuddle without him getting in between us. One night I was sat on the floor and the dog went for me, ended up biting OH badly enough to need tetnus and visit to A&E. It wasn't him he was aiming for but me. The next day we had to decide whether to keep the dog. I needed to be sure I wasn't frightened of him. Unfortunately, I was and every time he moved I thought he was going to bite. We had to take him back in the end. I don't mean to say you have the same problem as we did, just sharing our experience and advise you to deal with it sooner rather than later.

Hopefully some of the fellow DW'ers will have advice for you and good luck

Thanks for sharing your experiences with me but that is definitely not the case with this situation. There is no jealousy, well not over me anyway. There is no problem whatsoever while Graham is there.
There is obviously a bit of jealousy between all the dogs, but that normal.

Mitch

What happens at feeding time ?

Once his meal is put down, can you take it away from him or does he growl ?

Perhaps Graham should give you control when he's around - ie Graham ignores him and you take over the roles Graham did. This way you "become" Graham - ie pack leader.

You could also try the dog appeasement pheromone which in 70-80% of "misbehaving" dogs makes them behave differently - they don't feel threatened, feel secure and comfortable in their environment.

Any tug type games you play with him, you must win. You decide when it is play time and when it is time to put away the toys. You must lead when out walking. If he tries to take the lead, change direction so that you are still in front. You might need to take him out separately to achieve this. I suspect that being brought into a new environment with new people and dogs around, he feels the need to work out his place in the hierachy - hence the challenging.

Hi Mich, I would say again the NILIF may help here..if you go to post 10 by Iwalass in this thread you will see three links explaining it..

It is not important whether the dog likes you, what is important is that the dog should respect you.

The NILIF program should help a great deal to instil respect. Also have a look at the 'Social isolation' article at the same site. Social isolation works very well, but it does require that the dog should be living with you rather than being an occasional visitor.

Do avoid any possible confrontation with this dog. Do not try to 'make friends' with him. Ignore him totally. No talking, touching, and importantly no eye contact. If he comes to you for a stroke, ignore him. Do not attempt to touch his food bowl. Do not play tug games with him ever. These cautions apply epecially to your children. If you need to move him from furniture, etc. leave a lead on him so than you have 'remote' control (do not leave a lead on if he is unsupervised). Try to set him up for success, that is, try to ensure that he is not in a position to do anything that may require a reprimand.

If you ignore him then you cannot accidentally provoke him and therefore you will have no reason to feel scared of him. That is important as he will sense your wariness and may get even more pushy as he attempts to find out how far he can go with you.

Insist that he 'works' for what he wants, be it a walk, dinner, petting, play, etc. NILIF will will tell you how to do this.

PS I doubt that where he sleeps has anything to do with it.

SB

Thanks everyone I will definitely look at those links.
Just to let you know most of the time he is ok. When Grahams there there is no problem. And when he isn't there I can still stroke and pet him most of the time. It's just when I tell him to do something he doesn't want to do or when Im petting the other dogs. Also he does live here full time.
Apparently the girlfriend Graham lived with before had the same problem. If she tried to tell him off he growled.

Mitch

I know this sounds odd and maybe a little bit flaky but maybe Lucky thinks if he is "off" with his owners girlfriends they go and leave the two of them in peace maybe he associates you as "Not a member of the family/pack"

But whatever it is I hope you get it sorted.

Karen

hi mitch
was wondering how things are going with your staffs and your boyfriends collie

Mitch,
Have you Thought that He may just Be testing You and the fact He now Knows your Scared so he,s doing it more, Try Giving Him Treats and Really Getting To Know the Dog on a 1 to 1 On your Own... And ALSO i have had Collies All my life and We have had Some problems like this to...and Found Doing Things Slow is the best Way, It,s Could Also Be The Change in He,s Life that May be the Problem, Animal Don,t adjust That well When they have always been the Centre of Attention... Try really Getting To know Him... I bet he loves ya already... Try not to show your FEAR! THATS THE fIRST THING, im only saying this As i Used to Work with Animals and Also Collies Need lots of Stimulation.
Hope this Does Not upset anyone