Such a Sad Day....

I am struggling today.

My ex husband very sadly passed away this morning after a three year battle with cancer.

He was my second husband, and was a lovely man. My children thought the world of him, and unfortunately, we split up due to his alcoholism (at the time). We battled with his addiction for three years, and I got to a stage where I couldn't take any more. I ended up working 5 days a week (at the hospital) and 6 nights a week at the local pub to pay the mortgage, bills, etc. I ended up ill myself with looking after 3 young children as well.

We maintained a friendship, and for the past three years, I have supported him during sessions at the Christy hospital having radio and chemo, doing his shopping, cleaning etc. Although I have been in a long term relationship with Mark for the past 9 years, he has understood our friendship and has helped me with Steve and his illness.

On Monday, Steve was admitted to the Hospice, and I fully intended going to see him this afternoon (Thursday). I have been working nights this week, and thought that me and my daughter would spend some time with him. But that isn't to be. He very sadly passed away on his own this morning. He has a son of his own (23year old), and Steve always made the excuse that Richard had his own life to lead.....

He was a lovely man, such an intelligent, witty person. All our old friends have been in touch with me expecting me to support Richard in organizing everything.... but it isn't my place to do that any more.... He hasn't any other family left apart from his Son. I know I need to contact him, but feel that it isn't my place.... he has his own mum.

I'm sorry for whittering on, but I do feel a little.... (not sure how I feel).

My partner has been wonderful and supports me whatever.

I am so sorry Deb - (((hugs))) for you. xxx

Thanks Malka. I really need them hugs at the minute x x

I am so sorry. What a wonderful friendship you had after all the trials you went through.

(((Hugs))). Xx

Lynn, I think that if he could have won his battle with the vodka, gin, etc, we would have still been together.

That's why it's so sad.

Deb - alcoholism is so hard for people to beat - even if they really want to it is hard, as the body becomes so dependent on it that the brain frequently cannot accept the wish to stop drinking.

Losing someone you love is heart-breaking, and losing someone you once loved can be, and frequently is, just as hard and heart-breaking - because you always have that "what if" at the back of your mind.

xxx

I must admit that I carry some guilt thinking that if I had stuck it out, then I could have helped him..... but I couldn't do any more at the time....

I'm feeling guilty because my kids are all mega upset. They thought more of Steve than they did their own dad.

So sorry to hear this hon. I was in the same situation in 1991 when my ex died. He was only 50 and we were still very good friends. Baz was a rock throughout, but it was one of the darkest periods of my life.

You're in my thoughts, honey......

x0x

Thanks Vicki. I'm in bits.... x x

Deb, don't carry any guilt, please don't. You ended up with a wonderful friendship and you clearly both still thought the world of each other. You've done so much for him and I'm sure that he wouldn't want you to carry an ounce of guilt for anything.

People with alcoholism make their own choices, all we can do as bystanders is make the choice whether to support them in those choices or not.

The fact that the kids are so upset is an indicator of what a good man he was besides that. Cry together, laugh together and move forward together knowing that you all knew a fantastic fella, despite the bad times.

xx