I know it`s not the same, but I didn`t go to my ex-husband`s funeral. I would have felt a hypocrite saying how missed etc he was.
You are a grown woman and have made a success of your life, overcoming these obstacles and developing into a fine person. Be proud of yourself. You don`t need to play these silly games. You`re better than that. Don`t let them drag you down, hun.

Thank you ALL xxx I think you have all said what I am feeling right now, I know that her and my Dad didn't have the most wonderfuliest of marriages, Dad had a temper, and Mom could sulk for England...well once for 2 years without speaking I was the go-between.
Being strong is all they taught/made me, Mom says ''your just like your Dad'' well I had to be like one of them Love has been a hard one for me to learn as I never felt I wanted to let my guard down, sometimes I do wonder if thats why my first marriage became so ''fists''

Patrick understand why I am guarded infact he has broken down alot of my fortrest but leaves me enough to hide behind if I needed

Thank you all, I was feeling a little unloved ....still hurts...but I will get there, love you all

Thanks Claire, I will try not too, some days when a particular FS has been a monster, I think...Oh how lovely to have a mother that you could talk to....but I've tried that and I know she thinks she means well with her ''''don't know why you need to do that job''''
would be nice to hear ''Im proud of you''

Steph,
You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family. You have achieved so much in your life you have guided others when other people would have turned their backs you have fought for what is right and for your beliefs and you have done ever so well.
You are a support and a guidance to many in your close circle in your dogsey circle in your face bk circle and in all the other circles I don't know about . If I don't know about them how do I know?Because I just do because it is the essence of who you are. You are one of lifes survivors and through your survival you have learned love and compassion that others, including me, can only dream of.
As has been said i would let the past stay where it is...in the past, you owe your mum nothing. When the inevitable does happen , if you want to mark it in some way then you can do that in your own way. I would love to say I despise your mum but she gave me a wonderful friend so I can't.
Many hugs x

Aw Steph....how horrible it's been for you Personally after reading your post I too would tell them where to go. You have your own lovely family now and that's all you need. I cannot believe how horrible they've been to you. You don't deserve that at all. Leave them to it. They'll need you before you need them....trust me.
It's a very hard decision to make but I'd rather be without them than with them the way the're behaving towards you.
Massive hugs to you Steph xxxxxxx

{{Hugs n flobbery kisses to start with }}

My best friend has gone through a very similar situation to yours, she was beating herself up all the time because her mum wasn't a mum

I can remember a few years back we we're house sharing and her mum popped in to gloat about the fact we were renting!! We were only in our twenties at the time and her mum because she couldn't get a rise out of her said 'why can't you be more like Leanne? Then you'd be a daughter to be proud of'!! Why? because my friend is 5'2 and on the large side and I'm 5'8 and skinny

My friend paid her own way through college, worked at the same time and struggled to pay her rent - her brother got to live at home and got a weekly allowance and use of their car to help him out!!

Every present she received was too small - her mums way of telling her she was fat

Brother got took on holidays - my friend paid for her own!

The list is pretty endless really

It's taken a while but my friend has now stopped all contact with her mum . . . . and she's never been happier I can honestly say it is the best decision she ever made, she no longer has to 'fit the bill' so to speak, it's like a massive weight has been lifted off her shoulders I've been there with her when she'd been so low I was worried about her making it through the night I've cried, ranted and raved with her over the treatment of her mum but no more, her confidence has rocketed her whole outlook has changed and yes she's been cut out of her will too - the perfect brother is getting everything - however as I said to her - why do you need it? you've got your own house, car, dog, man and foster child (hopefully adopted in october) why exactly do you need to stay in her graces for her handouts????? Take all that poo for a few quid that in no way will re-pay the unhappiness you've had to live with to get it - money just aint that important imo!!

But your OH is right - it is your choice, what we or anyone else would do is immaterial, only you know how you feel. The only thing 'we' can do is support you through this time and hopefully you'll be happy with the choices you make.

GOOD LUCK

I'm completely with Shirley (Trouble) on this one.

Sheesh - who needs family like that?

I, too, had a violent childhood thanks to a vicious mother and when she died of cancer in 1986 it was almost a relief, had it not been for the guilt.....

I'm estranged from all my family except my sister, and Baz is estranged from his.

I have my cyber mates - some of them really true friends - and we have each other. The rest can go hang.

Chin up, Cuz - you're worth a million of them!

x0x

Your a wonderful friend too and thank you xxxx, funnily enough I call Elaine Sis, but then she has done so much for me that any sister would.....well except the one that is supposed to be.
In some ways I have already made my mind up the when the inevitable happens I won't be going up there, when Mom was very ill last Christmas Day my sister left a message and after all my efforts with emergency respite sorting for the FS, rings and tells us, Mom's ok now....knowing that took so much sorting on that particular ''one day of the year''
My Mom's present to my sister are gold/bling/cash.....I got one year Tea towels and the year before last towels, last year 2 T shirts and a lavender bag with welcome home on
Mom became vicious and violent in her 40's I was about 13 ATT hers was through the change but Albeit, she never thought twice of reigning blows with a boiler stick, funny Ann never had that treatment. But then Ann was smart and always blamed me for anything bad, I realise that there has always been jealousy there due to her being nearly 7 before I was born, plus I have had children and she couldn't have them. I remember after Gary was born I was over the moon, but Mom and Dad were more as it was their 1st grandchild, Ann bent down to give me a kiss after a hospital visit and said....well thats it then no point in me trying to get one is there....you took that pleasure away of me giving them what they wanted, if anything happens now it will come second to that yet we still made them god parents.........thats a joke in itself as even now they are grown in their 30's she never has a good word to say about them

((hugs))

I have a very difficult relationship with my own mother, and we haven't spoken in 4 years now And tbh, I don't see the rift ever being healed. I still let my daughters see her when we visit hubbys family in Scotland, but after years of guilt trips, being put down, feeling second best to my brother and generallybeing a bad reminder of her failed 1st marriage, I finally gave up! I have been informed by other family members that I have been written out of her will, and it will al go to my brother - woop de do, to quote a well known phrase 'am I bovvered?' I don't want her money, all I ever wanted was to be loved as a daughter should be. I can't remember my mother ever once telling me she was proud of me I will not be a hypocrite and attend her funeral when the time comes, but I will mourn her, for the mother I wished she had been, and for the gift of life, but that's as far as it will go.

Sending you lots of sympathy and understanding, stay strong, you've overcome so much and you are the far better person xx

are we related !!! how familiar that sounds to me. I think because I didn't achieve my qualifications at school (couldn't as she refused to let me stay on) and my sister did....of course she stayed on she see's mine as ''not real like Anns'' funny thing is I have more than Ann does