Life changes

If only we had a crystal ball eh!!!!!

I've been intouch with Mom everyday this week, as she's really not well.

She had a couple of heart attacks last year and there is a operation that could be done to make life back to normal, but not really at my Mom's age of 88, plus she is in kidney failiure too.

As the week has gone on, I really feel alot of her problems are that she is scared of dying alone, not so much the dying but if it happened and she couldn't get to be with someone before she went.

I have spoken to my sister who also lives in Lincoln about 1/2 mile away, but I can tell by the way my sister is wording things, she is in a dilemma of what the furture holds, and has told me that she has some health issues herself which she feels would worsen having to have Mom.

I have just spoken to Mom, and I can tell that she is really down, lonliness making her worse.
The only thing Pat and I can suggest is that if she feels living alone has come to a end, I'll have to give up Fostering and have her with us back in Birmingham. I have just mentioned this to her, and was quite shocked that for the very first time in her life, she didn't argue about how independant she likes to be.....instead a very quiet voice said ''thanks for that''

Funny isn't it, I grew up in my sisters shadow, my sister being the apple of my parents eye, and I being a ''not planned child'' this was the reason my Mom moved to Lincoln, because they moved there to start a better life ''village style'' out of the way of the rat race.

I remember the day my Mom said she was going to live there, so she could be near ''her daughter'' I was crumbled inside, I said ''you have two daughters Mother''

Seems the apple of the eye has had enough

Awww Steph, what a sad time for you and, as usual, you and Pat are there to pick up the pieces and offer your time and home unselfishly.

This often happens, the "apple of the eye" is not usually the one that does all the running around or is there for the person concerned.

When my nan first started with her dementia I would go round after work and at weekends to make her a cuppa and chat with her, I would take her shopping...it was awful hearing her talk about my older sister, who was barely ever there, as if the sun shone out of her and that she did everything for her.

I put it down to her illness, that she didn't really know what she was saying, but it still hurt me.

I hope that you can come to an arrangement that suits you all, and more importantly, that you get to spend some quality time with your mum, especially if time is of the essence.

Thinking of you xx

A hard decision to make Steph, as you know we are in a similar situation with our Mum, but at the moment she is still adamant she wants to stay in the house with all the help we can get her. But we are wondering what her future holds and as she cannot manage stairs 3 of us would be out of the picture for having her living with us. My eldest Brother who has the bungalow and is (was the apple of her eye) shocked her two weeks ago and my poor Sister who was left with no option but to take my Mum home to recuperate after my brother had said he would take her then changed his mind at the 11th hour. so she is not well herself had yo have the commode in her living room and Mum sleeping on her sofa for a week.
If your Mum hasn't long it would be nice if she could spend that time with you if you are able to manage it. Funny thing is my Mum did everything for her Mum and got no thanks the Brothers did nothing but could do no wrong.
Thinking of you. Xx

I know that one, my Mom used to be Ann this, and Ann that, so not sure why the change of heart. Although they still go up to see her. We'll have to see how things pan out xxx

I think this often happens, when my Mom was a lively spritly person, my sister was fine with it, but now her health is rapididly failing, so I think that has put them off a little.

Yes I guess people deal differently with things
and well done you for stepping up for your mum

I know I always felt my little sis was the fave child, but when she emigrated when my dad was terminal and didnt even come home for the funeral I think she has gone down quite alot in my mums eyes

and TBH I cant stand even speaking to her on the phone - although I pretend everything is OK (sister not mum)


Really difficult time for you <hugs> but it is great that you are getting the chance to build a better relationship with your mum

Sorry to hear your mum is in such poor health Steph, but it doesn't surprise me at all that you've stepped in to offer her to live with you.

I'm glad that your mum has started to appreciate some of your fantastic qualities.

Good luck whatever is decided about looking after your mum.

You know, I really do have the best cyber mom in the world!
How selfless to offer to bring her in when all your life you were a runner up to the apple.
No wonder your mum went quiet and said "thanks for that" I expect she thought the apple would offer and has now seen where the real love is !

So sorry to hear that it's such a tough time for you and Pat Steph. Nothing to add exept a big hug from me and plenty of wags and licks from Cassie. xxxxx

things do tend to go fall circle ,dont they ,i think we all end up in this position , mom dad live alone together ,but im there pretty much all the time . oh is a brick and helps so much ,with my dad . im the same really not sure what will happen ,with either of mine in the future ,i think we all end up in the same ,decisions to make .its not easy .she dos sound like she would deff come back to brum ,dosnt she . may be you need to make trip down ,see whats what with things sounds like you may have a lodger in the future a much older one ,me thinks