Thanks, and you're right, I think I do.

Thanks Eunice, never ending for me isn't it!

Thanks Vicki, and yes, it's been a bit of a year on the old stress counter for me hasn't it, so I'm hoping that's it now for the new year! Thanks Vicki.xxx

Thanks Westie, I don't think I will be very strong at the funeral somehow....I'll try though.

Thanks Jackie, I was ok until I came back in here this morning and read all these lovely, sincere messages, set me off again!xxxx

Thanks A, and yes, you kind of think to yourself, I can't be happy even though everyone else around you is, you feel so guilty, I'm still in shock actually coz it was all so sudden even though she had to suffer for a whole month.xxx

Thanks Kazz, and I'm sorry to read about your past there, I knew it was once, but never knew it was actually twice, but as you say, you know in yourself you've now beaten it, and I hope and pray it stays that way for you.xxxxx I love the bit you put "give them the flowers now" I had to think about that for a minute, but what a lovely way of putting it! Thanks Karen.xxxxx

Thanks Steph. I'm assuming that nurse knew exactly what the doctors were going to say to him on his return from shopping don't you!xxxx

Thanks Angel. Yes, she did fight hard, it must have been absolute torture for the family with good news one minute, then down the next, only to lose her at the end. She was a very strong person, I would have expected her to put up a good fight, just as I would.

Thanks settagirl, you've said enough, thankyou.xxxx I don't know what to say to him either, but somehow it just blurts out as it often does on here! See, I'm cheering up a bit now!xxxx

Thanks Becky. I often think how difficult it must be for you at times. Afterall, you get to know your patients/clients on a daily basis and each time you lose them I'm sure it saddens you many a time, even if they were cantankerous old fogies some of them who probably had your blood boiling too on occasions! I know remember!!! You're right, Christmas IS a time to remember those we've lost, it's a very strange day for me sometimes, when I think of who was around over the years and is not now. Thanks Becky.xxxx

Thanks Gellygoo. He needs somewhere to be, he's like a little lost boy at the moment, but that's not surprising when like me, she did just about everything for him. There is nothing worse than shutting yourself away in an empty house and I told him that, so he's going to visit some friends in London coz he can't work at the moment he's just had an operation for testicular cancer himself only a month ago just before this happened with her. It's ironic isn't it, that he had to put his welfare on the back burner to deal with all of this, only to lose her in the end, so, so sad.xxxx

Thanks Lorna, yes, life is very cruel sometimes. I'm hoping it will give me a break next year though and give me a few more of the happier times - that's my plan anyway! Thanks Lorna.xxxx

Thanks Benzmum! Yes, I'd forgotten that I actually went to see her after only a couple of days in there! That's made me feel a lot better you having just reminded me!!! I'm sure she heard every word I said to her as I was gently rubbing her hand and arm, trying to make sure I didn't dislodge the intravenese It could only happen to me as you know, so I kept my eye on my hand at all times!!! Oh I do hope she knew I was there and heard my every word. I even had a good laugh with her at the time coz the nurse was joking and so was her husband, so I thought I'd keep the tone on the same level. Thank God I went when he asked me to and didn't put it off till she had come round, I would never have forgiven myself I'm sure of it! xxxxx

Thanks Karen. I'm looking forward to meeting the rest of the family on Monday because I'm sure she must have told them all about me.xxx

Thanks Lucky. I will still be her friend right up until the time he doesn't need me anymore.xxx

Thanks Razcox. Yes I was routing for her too, it was like a rollercoaster ride for all of us with differring news each day, one minute you're positive, the next you're not too sure, but the time she went was a time we were all on a high that she was going to pull through. It just wasn't to be. As her husband said, we all have a bullet with our name on it when we are born, and I think he's got that just about right!

Thanks Rachel, and yes they help loads!!!xxx

Thanks Lynn, but I can't do that at the moment, coz I just cry I'm sort of trying to be strong (for him really, and the daughter), so I'm not letting it get to me too much. I think I will just let it all out at the funeral and be done with it, move on. I'm lucky in that I can do that, until I feel ready in myself to remember things that I've lost, you know what I mean Lynn, I had a massive lost 18 months ago as you know.xxxx Thanks, hope all is well with you and you're enjoying your little "break" to yourself!! Make the most of it!!!xx

Thanks Shane, nice of you to think of them all and me of course!xxxx

thinking of you at this testing time, hugs to you

Mel x

Have just manged to get online at the library for the first time since I was at OH's over the weekend. Am so sorry to hear this, I was really hoping to hear that she had pulled through and was now on the right side of things. I just can't believe it. The poor man, I just don't know what words to say
Bless you for being such a tower of strength to him and his family at such a dreadful time

so sorry to hear this sad news. its wonderful he has you to listen to him.
my sister has had the same prob with her bowel she has been in and out of hospital for years lost her memory and is now in a wheelchair.
i took my 2 young sons to their friends grave he was 12 when he was killed in oct so they could put some cuddly toys there as they said hed be sad at xmas if he didnt have anything!

Im so sorry to hear the sad news.

It sounds to me that the nurse did know what was going to happen and cared enough to ensure that her husband had a good and precious moment to remember. When you went to visit her and spoke to her she would have heard every word you and her visitors said, even though she was unable to respond to you.

Im sure she knew how much you all loved her and Im sure that your visit was important to her and her family.

Although it is very hard for you to try and help her husband and family when you are also dealing with the pain of your loss you are doing the most important thing for your friend by being there and listening. It takes a very special kind of friend to be able to do that.

Allow yourself to grieve as well and dont be afraid to cry, it just shows how much she meant to you and people will understand.

Sending you lots of hugs and thinking of you.

So very sorry to hear this H...

HUGS

so sorry to hear this

xxxx

Thanks Mel, I think I've been tested to the limit this year quite honestly Mel, I'm hoping it will stop in 2009!xxx

Thanks June and sorry you're still lapless and having to use the library! Yes, strange how things happen isn't it, we all thought she was going to pull through xxxx

Thanks Angied. So sorry to hear about your poor sister. You see, that's just what she would not have wanted my friend, and on top of that, her husband would never have been able to cope even with help, and the daughter lives so far away from them plus she's got the two babies, so as awful as this might sound to say it, maybe it was a blessing in disguise perhaps. Thanks.xxx

Thanks Colliemagic. Like you say, she allowed him that short bit of time, he fed her a yoghurt too, and no doubt those words will stay with him forever until they meet again. He can't stop praising those very special nurses in the HDU and so he should, they are indeed very special, I could see that when I visited. Thanks for confirming she could hear what I said, I'd like to think she did, because I do feel a bit guilty the fact that I didn't give her my new number for a couple of weeks, and if I HAD given her my number, then everyone has said, I would have been the first person she would have rung, instead of being all alone in her house that afternoon, having to call an ambulance for herself, it makes me feel very guilty to think about that quite honestly, so I hope I'm making up for it now. Thanks again.xxx

Thanks Louise, it's not easy.xxx

Thanks Suze.xxx

Helena54 so sorry to hear of your loss.
Hope memories of your friendship and all your good times together, help you through this hard time.
All the best

Oh Helena, that is such a sad sad story, I can't believe what I have just read... Im sending all my love, and I hope her husband is ok, bless him, and it all happeend so suddenly...xxxxx