a letter to our dogs

Dear Dogs .

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years. Canine attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

"Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:"

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion pounds for college - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children


giggle
b-eye

fantastic love it !!!!

dani

It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

Archie does this every night, and grumbles in his sleep when I move him to the end of the bed!!

Brilliant!

couldn't have put it better myself!!!! You may have wanted to mention the fact that the best seat of the sofa goes to the owner not the pet. No matter how much faster you are to get there sitting in that patch does not guarantee you the seat...

Excellent! I loved that, especially the bit about the bathroom as I can definitely relate to that one in my house. Thanks for giving us that!

:smt043 :smt043 :smt043

That is very good and so true

Aileen x

Pure class i love that

Great!!!

LOL!
What a great idea