The Australian Guide to basic computer lingo

* Log On - Make the barbecue hotter

* Log Off - The barbecue is too hot

* Monitor - Keeping an eye on the barbecue

* Download - Get the firewood off the ute

* Hard drive - Trip back home without any cold tinnies

* Floppy Disc - What you get lifting too much firewood at once

* Keyboard - Where you hang the ute and bike keys

* Window - What you shut when it's cold

* Screen - What you shut in the mosquito season

* Byte - What mosquitoes do

* Bit - What mosquitoes did

* Mega Byte - What Townsville mosquitoes do

* Chip - A bar snack

* Micro Chip - What's left in the bag after you have eaten the chips

* Modem - What you did to the lawns

* Dot Matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife

* Laptop - Where the cat sleeps

* Software - Plastic knives and forks you get at McDonald's

* Hardware - Real stainless steel knives and forks from K Mart

* Mouse - What eats the grain in the shed

* Mainframe - What holds the shed up

* Web - What spiders make

* Web Site - The shed or under the verandah

* Cursor - The old bloke who swears a lot

* Search Engine - What you do when the ute won't go

* Yahoo - What you say when the ute does go

* Upgrade - A steep hill

* Server - The Sheila at the pub who brings out the counter lunch

* Mail Server - The bloke at the pub that brings out the counter lunch

* User - The neighbour who keeps borrowing things

* Network - When you have to repair your fishing net

* Internet - Complicated fish net repair method

* Netscape - When fish manoeuvres out of reach of net

* Online - When you get the laundry hung out

* Off Line - When the pegs don't hold the washing up

Funny, and who says aussies dont have a sense of humour.

Love it

Me too - brilliant!

should have said coke instead of cold tinnies

Nice one China Thanks.......

got one about Australia Day which is tomorrow have sent it onto Azz and ask if he could put it up as I couldn't work out how to do it

Australia Day is that where all the aussies eat to much bbq and drink to much, if so how does it differ from any other

Yep, that's the day, we give thanks for being the best bloody mob around and in the best country by far

nice one china have sent it to a friend who teaches it skills

sue