Stupid vet, that is absolutely horrendous; it is perfectly natural, this primieval howl that our domesticated wolves frequently emit at that split second moment of death, nothing frightening, just primieval and somehow very natural.

This must have been horrendous for you and the poor dog, but at the end of the day was only seconds, following which was complete relief and peace for your girl.

Wicked fits ... I like that word, they are indeed wicked ... undeserved and horrendous, poor poor dogs.

gnasher

I'm so very sorry learn about your dad and I do mean that, I'm very sorry.

I do keep being drawn to that bench for some reason and I do talk to him, I haven't stopped, I have to or I will go mad.

The bench is the focal point ... as the hawthorn tree is for my Hal and the rose garden for my father. These places are the anchor points for us to communicate with our loved ones passed but not forgotten. In time your need to sit on that bench will lessen but for now sit on it every day and cry and laugh and smile and grieve and remember ... your beautiful boy, your Harvey ... who is June's Tawney, my Hal, Chris's Jade ... remembering should not be sad, it should be joy, celebration as well as grieving ... grieving = healing, not sadness.

Nite everyone ... got an early start in the morning!

Nite Nikki. Kenny, listen to what she tells you and please stop your anger at yourself, the vet, life itself. Use your energies on things that CAN be changed, in Harvey's name

Oh Chris

How terrible, how absolutely terrible and I am so sorry for Jade. Just what you did not need at such a painful time. I do not know how you kept it together, I most certainly would not if that happened to Harvey.

So called bl**dy professionals

Beautiful and wise words gnasher, thank you, I will try and remember these.

Nite nite gnasher

Thank you for putting up with me and for the kind and wise words.

Sleep well

Wise words tawney and as with gnashers I will try to remember them, I promise but it's not easy.

I don't feel angry, well not anger as I know it (if you get what I mean), it's not Grrrrrrrrrrrr. I can't explain it.

I know I did what I felt I had to do at the exact moment but the duty vet I feel did let Harvey down.

It was over an hour since I made the emergency call to when Harvey was seen by him and I was kept waiting at the vets with poor Harvey mid seizure for over half an hour before the vet casually walked in. He didn't even try and stop the seizure or examine Harvey, he just spouted on about the money.

I asked him to pre-sedate Harvey first so at least he wasn't suffering while we discussed Harvey's options but he said he does not do that. His words were "I usually just stick the needle in and get it over with". No tact or no sensitivity.

Also Harveys vet, who is a senior partner, specifically said that if Harvey seizes, who ever is dealing with him should ring him at home so he and I can discuss what to do, when I told the duty vet this he refused to do it.

So yeah, I am angry at the duty vet for the way he died.

OK Kenny, I get that. Have you spoken to 'your' vet about this, because until you download this and have your say its going to fester inside you and will never be resolved and you need closure. Maybe this other vet was uncomfortable with the situation, and that was his way of handling it, no one knows till you ask questions and get answers. Then you can let go of that, and gradually work through the really horrendous bits, it will enable you to perhaps accept what's happened and replace the bad stuff with good memories. Time is a great healer, very trite saying I know. Can only say I've been through some pretty awful stuff over the years, some of it fairly recent, and the way I've got through is by working away at what I can change about what's happened, and having my girls to look after every day, because I tell you now without them there's days when I maybe wouldn't have got up - which is probably the point you're at now. Give yourself a reason to go on, don't fall in the Slough Of Despond, the road's rocky, but every so often the going gets easier, and the views are breath taking