This is the first time I've read this thread (don't quite know how I missed it before!).

I think there is more to this carer than she is letting on. To me she sounds a bit selfish - for a start asking you to order from a catalogue! Errmm hello?? Why on earth did she want you to order for her, what's wrong with ordering it herself? By the fact she then asked how long she had to pay makes me wonder if she was hoping that you would say you'd pay for it? She well over-stepped boundaries doing that, I would never dream of asking that sort of thing if I was a carer!

Also you say, it is always her contacts you first - again makes me wonder whether she is telling OH it is the other way around and that is why he is angry. There is always two sides to a story.

You are a kind and caring person Ian, some people sadly can take advantage of that. If i were you I'd cut ties with her and get someone more professional. You deserve better

Hello,
Sorry if I didn't explain myself, I run a catalogue, and I am the agent for it, that is why she asked me to order the dress, when it came she loved it She asked how long she had to pay because you have to pay once the 14 day trial period is up, however she didn't know when I pay my account, weekly, fortnightly or monthly, that is why she asked that. And actually I did offer to pay for it for her 21st birthday but she wouldn't hear of it. (One of my other carer's has actually bought something from me too, with no problems)

The contacting thing, I only contacted her by txt once or twice. If he is suspicious he could check her phone. I if possible never contacted her by phone or my instant messenger just in case her boyfriend thought there was somehting going on. she always contacted me, if again he was suspicious he could check the computer record of who contacted who. Also there computer is not connected to the internet all the time, she only uses it once a week, at his mam's house so therotecally (sp) I couldn't contact her, until she contacted me, if you know what I mean. She could even turn the connection off in I M.

I honestly think it is him. She never goes anywhere with him, if he's in the house she's out, if he's out she gets her friends round. He complained about her not resting enough, so what does she do? volunteer to work tonight, which is always her night out then she has volunteered to work ALL tomorrow aswell.

Also last night she was taking her nephew to the shows, it absolutly poured down, she still went with him, had her meal out with him then went to her friends after that.

I could be many miles off target, but I think he is trying to rule her life. And she is not a person who would allow him to do that I don't think.

Also for some reason her diet that she was on is out the window only after that night. So I don't know.

To be honest there isn't a professional one between them, The owner just gives them the basic training they need, then if they want to improve themselves they have to do all the NVQ's etc themselves

To be honest I wouldn't like any of the others coming in 6 days a week.

Ian

Ian, please don't make assumptions about your carer and her relationship. I think it's very hard to assess the dynamics between a couple, even for people who've known the couple for years. It's very unlikely that you're going to make a fair judgement of these two having only known one of them, and for such a short time. I can see that you feel very strongly for this girl, but I don't think you're helping her in any way, and you run the risk of losing her friendship, by taking against her boyfriend.

As for his behaviour, I don't see much, if anything to criticise in it. As we've established, it is against protocol for carers to become involved with their charges outside work. I don't think it's unreasonable for this guy to be a concerned that his fiancee is doing so. That doesn't mean he's controlling. And if she does like getting out and doing things without him, there's nothing weird about that either; if anything it's a sign of a very healthy relationship.

It's great that you get on well with this girl, but I think you need to try not to get so wrapped-up in her life. I know she's responsible for her professional behaviour, but I'm concerned about you becoming too dependent on her. What happens if she gets another job, or moves elsewhere? You really need to distance yourself a bit, focus on getting yourself better, and let other people take care of their own lives

Dont know which firm your carer works for but whilst i was a carer I was not allowed to give phone nos or house nos to clients or instant dismissal, I know the carers are like your friends and I personally loved lots of my clients but had to remind myself it was a job. Stick with us on this site instead, we need your threads keep us all going and you are not alone in feeling down and useless at times, I do too, by the way, you live in a beautiful part of the country ltake care x

My thoughts about this business is that he doesn't care what happens as long as he gets paid, he treats his workers like sh*t. I know that a number of them passed a certain NVQ and this should have given them a small increase in there wages, he never told them, it was one of the carer's friends that told them they were due to the increase, he got away with it for 9 months, he did have to pay up eventually but he has clicked all that interest.



Ian

Hi Ian
I know that from what you have told me about this agency they do not treat their carers as we do. However, I would also be careful that you are making presumptions. Where did you get this info about the NVQ from? Was it one of the carers (who again should not be discussing stuff like that with you).
NVQ carers don't have to be paid anymore, it's not a legal thing. We have carers who have passed level 2 and not, and they all get paid the same. I've just done level 3, but that doesn't mean I get a payrise.
It all depends on what the carers have agreed with their employer.
Some agencies get the carers to pay for their training and uniform, we don't.

You are worrying yourself about that agency and how it treats its carers the same as your are about you carer herself. They have free will to leave if they wanted. I don't know how big it is where you live but we are a tiny town and there are 3 agencies that cover it.

You need to worry about you! Coz whilst you aren't we all are

Hi, all the carer's that I get have all said the same about the NVQ's and wages, some of them has said that if they don't get a pay rise, they are not going to do the courses, because he doesn't pay any of them to go onto any of these courses or refresher courses, it comes out of there own pockets, also he expects them to go either in ther own time or to go in work time and miss two - three hours of wages, which cannot be done.

It is a fairly small company I suppose, I think they have about 25 carer's on it's book's. A few months back he started recruiting again, he brought in 15 new starts, out of them there are only 4 left working for him! So the old timer's (Been there 18 - 12 months) are stoud off with work but the new starters are allowed off on weekends and if they need time off he lets them have it. The carer that comes on a night 9.00 ish hasn't had a week off since October last year, he can't do without her he says. As for my carer she hasn't had any time off for the past 8 months apart from her normal wednesday after noon and sunday, she got 1 day off at New year.

I am looking after myself, I have been to the doc's, he has put me back onto amitrypline (sp) I am back to eating properly and trying to sleep better, I had a good night last night went at 12.30 and didn't wake till about 5.45 this morning, which is good for me.

I'm also taking time out on a afternoon and relaxing to music.

Also this morning I took my self out on a ride around the local villages, about 4 mile drive all in. And guess what, I only saw four people that I knew, and to top it off who were they?..... My carer's!! But it was lovely, it was a mix of country side as well as built up areas, I also had a bit of a picnic, consisting of - some egg and mayonaise sandwhiches and a small piece of cake, washed down with a can of pop. I really enjoyed it. However I had to leave Blackie at home, because there's a mile stretch where there's no path and I have to travel on the road it can get a bit scary with 40 ton trucks hurtling by you! with there wheels just inches from you!

Now I'm going to have a nice cup of tea (sharing it with Blackie) and a rest.

Then tonight I am going to have a salad with some new potatoes and a burger with it. Can't wait.

Ian

Nice to see that you are feeling in a better frame of mind & taking care of yourself better. :smt002

Ok Ian, NVQ's are such that he shouldn't have to pay them to do them as you don't actually go anywhere to do them. You do them at home and an assessor will shadow you at work, and also get witness testimonies from the carers managers. So no, no one gets paid to do NVQ's as you are already getting paid for working.

The employer should pay for their courses, or do what we do and get one of the many grants available to get carers onto NVQ.

Refresher courses for carers are usually just manual handling refreshers, and yes they are usually done in their own time. We do ours 'in house' as we have a training room and do the from 1-3.30pm one afternoon, so carers have finsihed lunches and be done to pick up from school. They get paid to do this as is the law to get paid for all training/refreshers. We even pay for them to come to staff meetings.

Btw, our company also has about 25 carers, so is small.

Time off is also the law, although we do have carers who we have to beg to book holiday, and it is a pain as if they don't we get to the end of the year and they all have to be booked in for holiday.

He must have a very high turnaround of carers if the 'old timers' have been there 12-18months!

We have carers who have been with us for 11 years, I've been with them for 7, the 12-18 month ones are the new carers.

Btw our oldest carer is 72, older than some of our clients but she's a star!

Anyway, enough about that. It seems the sort of agency who doesn't care about employees or clients actually. The carers seem very unhappy and are off-loading on clients. I'd be very surprised if you are the only one worrying themselves sick about their carers. But the carers are all adult, are not immune from the law or their rights and if they continue to work for a company that treats them and their clients that way , so be it.
If I worked for them I'd do more than refuse to go on courses, I'd resign and report them.

Now to you!... Well done on starting to care for yourself, as ultimately you are the only one who can. Lots of people can support you, but only you can do it!... and you wil feel the benefits, mentally and physically, for Blackie too!
As for seeing carers when out, that just proves you need to get out more

Now my fingers hurt from typing! lol