I wouldn't be able to forget it either and i do believe that throw away comment often reveal the truth. You know yourself that if you marry someone they should love you inside out and back to front and for him to even contemplaint saying something like he did to you has put big doubts in your mind.

He might be truly truly sorry and is doing all the things he knows you like as a way to say sorry, BUT.....he did say those things and marriage is forever and forever is a very long time with doubts in your mind.

RELATE do counselling course for people with all sorts of relationship issues and also do premarriage counselling courses as a preparation for marriage. Maybe this is something you could both consider ...... counselling isn't easy, but i think it is time and money well spent, and you certainly would learn alot of about yourself personally and hopefully about each other and what you want from it.

Unfortunately my husband and i only had one session! In the first session it became very clear that he did not want to try to do anything to fix our marriage and had already decided he wanted out........unfortunately (but very fortunately for me in hindsite) he did all this deciding in his head without invovling me! Counselling can work if you both know you want to give it a go at staying together.

My heart goes out to you i know how horrible it feels to wake up each morning with uncertainty haning over your head.

xx

So sorry Alex, I know if it were me it would always linger and with the comment it was it would just always make me feel crap every time I thought about it. It is a shame hun after everything but you have to think, is that really what you want when you could find someone else who would never even think that? I dunno, to me it seems someone doesn't make a comment like that on more than one occasion and not mean it. I mean once you can forgive but he knew how upset you were that last time (about the toning up for the wedding?) and has done it again regardless. Obviously I don't know him, you do - but from what you have said now and before, i'm not convinced that this would be the last time he'd throw it at you in anger?

Oh Alex, my Dad once gave me some good advice (and I didn't listen so I hope you will) that once you have said something that can't be taken back, once you don't have respect for someone then all is lost.

Dad was right, I should've left when I could but I didn't.

It's your life, and hopefully it's a very long one, don't spend it with someone just 'because', don't settle for what you know coz it's easier. Yes he's sorry, and so he should be, but it's said and if he can say, after 5 years, that he can't show you off, well.

Flowers and cuddly gorillas do not make a relationship.

Lots of advice already, from me just one thing.

Take your time.

The wedding is off , there is no need to rush into making a do I or don't I decision.

Take some time out. *hugs*

Here for you babe, and he needs his eyes tested xxxxxxx

I am so sorry to hear this Alex, just caught his thread. If he's staying at his parents then take the time to find your feet again and sort out all your thoughts in your head. If it helps, make a list. Pros in one colomn and Cons in the other about your feelings and the relationship. Then you can read it back to see where your head is at. If he's going to give you time to think though he's got to do just that. It means no calls to you, not text messages, no gorillas in the bed or bunches of flowers. All of that is him trying to influence your decision so it goes in his favour but not necessarily what is best for you.

He should not be worrying what his mates think of you, he should just be looking at you for you!!!! It's silly comments like this that push people towards developing an eating disorder.

If you were to ask him the question, 'Does my bum look big in this dress?' Can you say you wouldn't be looking for that flicker of doubt in his eye? You are a beautiful person hunny and you shouldn't change for anyone. If a person can't adore you for you, then they're not worth the trouble.

You take care.

Heidi

If I was you, I have to say i would give it another go. He has said he doesn't know why he said it, probably just lashing out at what he knows to be a weak point for you.....(which from what I have seen is not an issue but he might know it is senstive for you). I do the same i if stressed or annoyed I say something that I know will hurt my OH.....not nice I know and I hate myself for it but I do it and if we are all honest I think we all do it to some extent.

You have said there is lots of stress going on what with wedding your shop etc etc so may be it all came to a point and he needed to off load something......and that is what came out.


He has now said he doesn't mean it and loves you...so why not let that stick in your head and not the bad things? Difficult I know but you can't let the bad things affect your relationship....remember he has said nice things ie he loves you, your not over weight and that he DOES love you for you.


Yes your angry and upset who wouldn't be but don't let that cloud your judgement.

Instead of throwing it away try again, at least you will always be able to say we tried. If it still doesn't work then fine thats the end to it but WHAT IF it works? you could be throwing away a perfectly good relationship......not perfect but then none are. Keep the wedding off just ease off the stress and things might be sortable...you will never know unless you try.


Sorry to offer advice against everybody else but you need to see both sides. It's just MO I am not in your situation so it is hard to understand but I think you do love him......tell me if I am wrong

I know I am a devils advocate but sometimes that helpsothers

Mel xxxx

I think i may need to clarify a few points here...

There was no heated argument,

it was a quiet, teary conversation...No comments were thrown in anger as there was no anger just sadness

And i CAN honestly say that there has never been a time i said something to hurt my OH as as angry as i may have been in the past, i would never stoop so low as to want to hurt him. I couldnt do that.

When he made the comments he did, i didnt get angry, yes i was crying but it was mainly me that was consoling him as i had never seen him cry before and hated it.

Im not bitter or angry as poeples feelings are exactly that, its what they feel whether it be right or wrong and i wont let it upset me.

What it does do is make me doubt if i want a future where this could happen again and again, and i will always feel crap when i think of that comment.

He wants children but as well as having a newborn to contend with i will also have the thought about not being good enough or he isnt proud of me esp if carrying baby weight!

and im just worth so much more than that.

I know he is truly sorry but unfortunatley that doesnt erase his comments.

was just trying to throw in another side in to hopefully help. Only you knows how you feel......may be the seperation is a good thing. Give yourself time to make your decision, you are worth far more than been made to feel how you do, i totally agree. Sorry if I was out of order just trying me best

I haven't been on the forum much recently Alex, so have only just read your news.

Firstly, I am very sorry to hear your wedding is off and that you have split with your OH.

The decision as to whether you forgive him has to be entirely yours, but I personally think you will always have doubts in your mind as to how he feels about you and you deserve sooo much more than that.

I hope you can find happiness again - either with your ex, or with someone new.