Very possible it is this - dogs can have separation related problems at certain times of day or night due to anxiety .

Good luck,

Wys
x

Oh I know full well I'm depressed - have been for about a year. I've been through it before so know the triggers for myself pretty well and after last year it was more or less inevitable. Just trapped with the GP thing as he's the one who was good helping me with the weight loss (lots in the NHS will just yell and shout but he's good in that regard) - he just seems to resent my refusal to throw in the towel with the miscarriages yet as some kind of defiance against him and seeks to punish me in some way for that decision.

I don't think he fully gets that it's not something a pep talk and cheery motivational speech will kick into touch - despite me sobbing and confessing I'd considered ending it all in his surgery... so if I have to drag myself through it by the skin of my teeth - I've got to do that, and getting the dog helped a tonne in that regard - forced me to get out of the house when I was bordering on agoraphobic at my worst. I think he needs a companion dog around for him more and more (face it - he's stuck with me all day and I drive MYSELF nuts) - and since we'd decided about 3-4 months ago to go for that when the time and finances allowed - we're still looking into that having finally worked out what we're looking for in terms of breed (translation: I worked hubby around to the doggy I want!).

But yeah - I'm under no illusions that my GP is being very very unkind to me on this one... there are times I wish I was still with a doctor who'd hand out antidepressants like sweeties! I'll be fine though - I've been dragging myself through this for the best part of a year - only problem is it's much easier to do the dragging when you're still angry at the world and I'm running out of steam on that front (stages of grief and all that jazz)!

Without meaning to sound trite, do check out things like your diet (bananas are good) because it's easy to be actually quite malnourished even when overweight

I know a few people who are on medication for depression and it has helped them, as has counselling. One person has found that to a large extent "action cures depression" and they did loads of walking andother exercise!

Try to be nice to yourself - it certainly isn't something pep talk will sort out, so you know that. I guess it's related to the miscarriages too...

A friend of mine did not get pregnant until she lost a lot of weight - she was a size 26 and got down to a size 16. Not saying this is what is going on with you, I don't have any real knowledge of miscarriages except that I konw there can be many medical reasons, but just sort of chucking that into the pot.

Re the dog's problems, don't let that get you down, try to sort it out logically step by step, and if not do consider professional help

Wys
x

Couple of things, when I had a breakdown with the change of life, my moods affected my dog so this is something to watch out for. Also between having my nephew & having my niece 6 years later my sister had 7 miscarriages. No one could find out why or why the 8th time it worked so hang in there & do what you want to do.

I know how hard it can be to battle with depression whilst dealing with a dog with issues, it's certainly not for the faint hearted!

I can't give any practical advice on what to do but I really can sympathise with your situation, having been in a similar position a year ago. From what you've said, it sounds like you really really care about your dog and that he is a massive help to you. I am sure that there isn't anyone else who would deal with his issues better than you are doing, he's very lucky to have you. Hang on in there

There is a rather trite saying, that is actually very true. "You don't always get the dog you want, but you do always get the dog you need"... Both of you are suffering with stress and anxiety related problems and you may find some strength for yourself while looking for a solution for your dog.

When Kismet developed aggression issues, food aggression, territorial aggression and then dog aggression. For a while it really got me down, made me so upset. I had raised her from a puppy what had I done wrong? Why was she doing this to me. But then in the course of her training I discovered a few home truths about myself.Turns out I had a few repressed aggression issues as well that I needed to let go of. I needed to learn patience with imperfections and allow Kismet some space to be herself. I had to learnt to allow for somethings to happen and win small battles and rejoice in the little things. A year down the line we are both in a much better place. Kismet is calmer and I have become more patient.

I cannot tell you what it is that your dog will teach you or change within you. But I do know that coming through this and working out the troubles will make you face things about yourself and your life that will be difficult, but will ultimately make you stronger.

Hang on in there. Take a deep breath, put it in as much perspective as you can. You need to work, the dog needs to understand this and fit in with your life; relationships are compromise and at the moment you are making all the concessions. Your life does not need to revolve around his, contrary to his belief... start going out in the afternoons on days you would normally be home. Go swimming, or to the cinema, or just a stroll around town then come home and cope with whatever tantrum he has thrown. There's nothing you can do about the backdoor for now, so write it off in your mind and remember you can get another one when this is all resolved. He may have decided in his own doggy mind that afternoons are for walks or for fun, so try shaking up his routines. One thing that worked for Kismet was 'rest days'. One day a fortnight or so when we don't have a walk. She is fed at different times and walked at different times.. Routines made her start expecting things at certain times and having a tantrum when things didn't happen when she thought they ought to. I now leave my dogs for different amounts of time on different days and with different toys... Also I took all of Kismet's toys and bones away and put them in a cupboard. she gets toys when I say and for as long as I say not on tap whenever she pleases. That way her 'I'm leaving' treats one day might be a kong and some kibble and the next it's her tug a jug and a favourite squeaky toy. I also make her fun destruction challenge toys... cardboard boxes, with other boxes inside all stuffed with newspaper and a treat in the middle which she clearly delights in ripping to pieces. It has worked for us, possibly too well. Now from the moment shoes or a coat go on, Kismet is racing to her bed and woo wooing for her treat and for us to go already... She is quite a pest to catch for a walk as she'd much ratrher be left at home with treats than go on a stinky walk... sigh.. what do you call the opposite of separation anxiety?

Anyway.. somewhere in this lengthy post was a simple message:

Deep breath. Chin up. You can do this. You are strong and brave and clever. Currently the dog doesn't know what you want, but he loves you and wants to please you, not make you upset. He just doesn't see the situation the same way you do. But you will figure it out and find a way for him to understand, or just to stay out of trouble (crates can actually be a godsend) and one day you will look back on this and remember with fondness his 'tricky years'...

Good luck brave lady

Oh I've made sure from the start about routine - I learnt the hard way from having a 6am alarm cat that I did NOT want a 6am alarm dog to go with it!

We've done similar with the toys - he has some he has open access to, and some we want to keep as his high value "ooooh I got this one today" toys with some novelty for him to mix it up. Sadly I discovered one of the treat dispensing toys I bought squeaks if shook a certain way... as did he and he becomes the canine equivalent of an axe murderer if a squeak is present! That'll be fun for him (when I'm out so don't have to listen to it )

Can you not see a different doctor about your depression? I know at the practices I've been with you don't always see the same doctor, might be worth asking to see a different one and talking to them about your depression if your usual one isn't any help.

I was diagnosed with depression late last year but because mine is probably because of the living situation out here and because I knew we'd be moving some time this year I decided against medication. I find exercise helps as does making sure I eat healthily. Even on days where the last thing I want to do is get out of bed and exercise I find I feel better after doing 20 minutes on the Wii or going for a walk (my only 2 options since I can't drive so can't actually go anywhere). I wouldn't say it gets rid of the depression, just that it helps. Have you tried any natural antidepressants? I haven't myself but I've been told they can really help.