The way forward?

OK I'm typing this in tears - if any of the resident smart alecs wants to have a pop and make me feel crap - just don't bother cos I'm as down as down gets and pretty much at the point where this choice is pushing me toward considering suicide (not a cry for help just explaining how awful I feel).

I'm wondering if it's hit the point where we need to consider rehoming woofbags. It's utterly breaking my heart to even think it - considering that after all that's gone on in my horrible horrible life he was the one thing that brought a smile back to my face - but I don't know if he's at all happy.

I have to work occasionally - I take as little as humanely possible, I beg every half day I can get, and take on things like exam marking and tutoring to be at home as much as possible - but occasionally I have to do full days (school days at least so I'm back home by 4). When I do, hubby comes home at lunchtime, we leave things like Kongs out and spread meals in them - we do what we can. Work's so irregular we really can't sign up for a dog walk service because I only work here and there.

Increasingly we've had problems - we leave him in the kitchen, radio on... we had the bin raiding, so we have to remove the bin from the house as I go out - and now we've got the kitchen door being massively destroyed. Fitted a baby gate to stop him getting at the door and he killed that too... part of me thinks it's idle mischief, but the other part of me thinks that he's obviously hideously unhappy and since financially I do need to do the odd day a week's work to keep us afloat when I can - we need to try to find him somewhere he'd be happier (we are talking 1, occasionally 2 days a week max - I push for as many half-day options as I can get).

I just don't know - I'm utterly out of ideas. We were considering getting a second dog - part of me thinks that's a possible way forward (since I'm at home from mid-June to mid-Oct for things to get settled in well) as two together might serve as a distraction... but that's a heck of a gamble I'm not prepared to take in case it backfires.

I can't think straight about whether it's mischief making (he tried a counter surfing session, only gained a box of Special K and even HE turned his nose up at that cardboard), or worse - and I'm trying desperately not to let my own will for it not to be us because I love him to bits and he really was my reason for not giving up and ending it all months ago and I don't know what to do. I don't even know if COULD give him up if I had to - I'm just going to do wrong whatever I do.

We've got no family who can have him during the day, no friends (the one who could has a very bolshy lab who doesn't like him - while Layton just stands placidly by getting his ear barked off and rolls his eyes in despair)... and he's such a fantastic guy - I don't want to put him through any of this, let alone uproot him again because I think he's been through enough.

He doesn't react when I leave - just looks up and then decides a kong is more interesting, isn't going nuts when I come home - which makes me err on the mischief side - but I just do not know.

I really really do not need anyone sticking the knife into me to score points here. Yes, I do minimal work - because it pays the dogfood bills... we do everything possible (including hubby driving 2 junctions down the M1 here and back to come home mid-day and spend some time with him)... I'm not superwoman. I can't get much lower than I feel right now so I'm hoping the urge to big oneself up as a better dog owner by kicking someone else when they're down can bypass this thread.

Im sorry to hear youre having a tough time It really would be worth contacting a few local dogwalkers to see if they would do random visits, I dont insist on having dogs every day or every week and sometimes I'll only have a dog once a month!!

Maybe getting him an older freind could be what he needs? But I dont think that rehoming him is going to help you at all. I was in this position at the begining of last year so belive me, I do know how you feel and it was my animals that have kept me going when things have got bad.

I know that you're nowhere near me otherwise I would love to help

Big big hugs to you, Try and keep your head up hun. Have you been to the doctors for depression and stuff?

I've just pm'd you...

Oh Dizzi I really feel for you, your sadness and frustration is so clear.

I have no advice to offer you in addition to what you are already trying, I will leave that to someone far more knowlegable about behaviour. What I will say is that you are obviously determined to help Woofbags, it's not dedication and motivation you lack, just a few more ideas! That's half the battle, some people don't seem all that bothered about helping their dogs, you are so that is good news.

I am wondering if it is worth you borrowing a video camera
and leaving it running to try and see exactly what is happening to upset Woofbags?

Dizzy, I just want you to know that I feel for you and I hope you find an answer to your probs soon.
Don't give up yet, hopefully someone will be along soon with some ideas.

See I don't think he's going nuts or anything - certainly the only comments we get from the neighbours are that they never hear a woof out of him - so he's definitely not sat lonely barking the house down. Whether it's something in back garden or something that's setting him off - I don't know - our neighbours ARE in and out all day. Our side gate doesn't close properly at the moment (neighbour's going to redo it in the next couple of weeks - so it can tend to bang and scrape a lot in the wind and he does prick his ears up when the gate goes because usually that's his beloved lord and master coming home) - I don't know if that's triggering him, or the local cats sitting on the fence, or the neighbour's concrete squirrel glued to his fence...

My head's saying it's not seperation issues and just up to mischief (he tried counter surfing but turned his nose up at the spoils - which DOES say a lot about hubby's choice of cereal that even a counter surfing dog won't eat it, he tried bin raiding till we thrwarted that one) - it's just my heart breaking in case he's unhappy and going nuts.

Trying to repair the babygate, sticking a carpet remant to the back door to try to take the "Oooh this is a good scratch" factor off it, and going to restock with some new nylabones and the like... see what that does. Thankfully it's half-term next week anyway and my work naturally dies off completely after that. I do think a partner dog would be good for him anyway if we could get a good un but that's not something I want to make a mistake on doing.

Hubby of course reckons it's the choice of radio station and that he looks like a Radio 2 dog but I wouldn't inflict Chris Evans on my worst enemy!

So sorry to hear that you're feeling this distressed. You clearly love your dog a great deal - that is coming over loud and clear.

Are you sure he's unhappy - maybe he's a bit bored? My dog gets bored sometimes and that's with me working at home!!

You sound like you are trying so hard, I worry that you are being harsh on yourself. I have always loved your posts as they display a great sense of humour and make me chuckle out loud.

Your dog is so loved and that counts for such a lot. Bear that in mind.

I really hope you feel better soon

Positive things you could try:

Restrict his view to the outdoors if he is triggered by cats
Leave radio on to reduce the contrast between silence and noise
Manage the environment more strictly
Crate him
Kennel him
Feed him via buster cube, stuffed kong, tug a jug so that it lasts
Ensure he has a very long walk prior to being left
Dog walker

The only caveat I would say about another dog is a) you should NEVER get another dog for the dog, but because YOU want it; and, the problem may be self perpetuating because dogs who are bought to ease the aloneness of dogs, end up needing a companion themselves as THEY have never been alone. So that is something to consider.

I would suggest trying a crate, not quite the same thing but i have had foster puppies and introducing a crate, leaving the door open and putting his favourite things in there and his bedding, feeding him in there leaving the door open so he can come and go as he pleases so he associates it with nice things.

I had a foster pup recently whom i crated and she loved her crate because she associated it with positive things, quite often in the daytime she would take herself off and have a nap in the crate by herself, its their little safe place and makes them feel secure.

Its worth a try, sending big hugs to you and you obviously haven't lost your sense of humour despite all you have been through. Give it a go it may be the best thing you did.

Chin up hun x

I wish I could reach down the screen and give you a big hug

Is he OK when left alone for the 1/2 day? When hubby gets home at lunchtime is there distruction?
Is he used to being left alone for short periods?

Have you tried filming him when you are out? It sounds good that next door are saying they are not hearing him crying so it might be that he is just entertaining himself - by doing things you dont like

I think kong do a timer device that can drop filled kongs at different points during the day

But I would prob try crate training him - its not ideal but really as you say it isnt often that he is left a full day and huby lets him out at lunchtime
With the time you have off over summer that would give you time to get him used to the crate and being left alone

I hope you can work things out