NHS Indirect

Claimed as genuine NHS reports............. typed by medical secretaries
> in
> Greater Glasgow
>
> 1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
>
> 2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
>
> 3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a
> 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
>
> 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was
> very
> hot in bed last night.
>
> 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
>
> 6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it
> disappeared.
>
> 7.. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
> depressed.
>
> 8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
>
> 9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.
>
> 10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but
> forgetful.
>
> 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
>
> 12. She is numb from her toes down.
>
> 13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
>
> 14. The skin was moist and dry.
>
> 15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
>
> 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
>
> 17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
>
> 18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until
> she
> got a divorce.
>
> 19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical
> therapy.
>
> 20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
>
> 21 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
>
> 22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
>
> 23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
>
> 24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
>
> 25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
>
> 26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
>
> 27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
>
> 28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane
> ran
> out of fuel and crashed.
>
> 29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
>
> 30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate
> directions in early December.
>
> 31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit
> on
> the abdomen and I agree.
>
> 32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a
> stock broker instead.
>
> 33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was
> feeling better.
>

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Thank you for all your jokes, they have made me laugh out loud, and made my day, even though my dad has been giving me funny looks lol

I thought 17 was the best until I got to 25

Sooo funny Eunice, thank you for making me laugh

... and I thought 4 was hilarious until I got to 17!! Oh Eunice that is just brilliant LMAO. Had to print it off to give my mum a good laugh!!! Thanks for sharing

Ohhh dear they are sooo funny. I've been laughing my head off, much to my daughter's annoyance, as she is trying to revise for her last exam tomorrow!!

Brilliant, I liked 18 and 28, but they are all good.

17 is def my favourite too