Firstly sending huge hugs to you Lynn and if you want some relaxation or time out with an impartial ear then please come over as your always more than welcome.
We can go to Dedham or a walk along the beach, whatever you feel like.
Elderly people do get very frustrated and unfortunately its usually those that are closest that takes the brunt of it. She would be far better off with a carer coming in who would not be emotionally involved.
I think you need to take a step back as all this is not good for either of you. I also think you have some questions that need answering too, to give you some peace and closure.
More hugs and you know where I am.

Thanks Bev. You never know I may take you up on that in a week or two.

I have just put her appointment card for her Consulation clinic in an envelope to post she has an appointment on the 9th August I am stepping away from that. She is going to have to ask one of the boys to sort it for her it may do them some good to step in and see what an ordeal it all is for her more than anyone. Also they will have to listen to the Consulatant instead of thinking I am making things up about what he says. ( Not that they will ever admit that ).

I am sincerely hoping Gill won't take this on well Peter will have to do the driving and he is annoyed enough about how everything mum does and says stresses Gill out and she is ill and worried herself again now and after her little outburst yesterday he is fuming. Mum recently in May was nasty about one of her Grandchildren Gill and Peters son. He is a little sh*t to Gill but he is still Gills little sh*t but she is being so petty over a £5 note it is unbeleiavable and I had to talk to her and explain she shouldn't be doing this to Gill at all let alone now Gill is ill.

My boys were gobsmacked at that behaviour.

I can't help thinking there is something wrong with her head now after her last fall in the conservatory as everything seems to be escalating out of control since then. I have to have some space though as I feel very ungracious towards her at the moment and no point in adding fuel to the fire.

Also it will do mum some good when I am not about to see how much I actually do. ( She won't admit it either ) she is still holding grudges against people from years and years ago.

The note is short and polite mum you will be needing this.

Love Lynn and 4 kisses.

Thinking of you Lynn xx
Nanna used to do this to me,I would take over her weekly meals and go over to shampoo & set her hair,bring her fish n chips and just go and sit with her and keep her company etc, sometimes she was so awful to me.I was quite ill at the time with my M.E and really didnt have the brainspace to take it.She had always been a bit cantankerous and sharp tounged and that was 'just nanna' so she kind of got away with alot of it,However unbeknown to us she was suffering dementia and almost covering it up quite well.One Thursday she phoned me up when i was due to go round and was so spiteful i told her i wasnt going to come.Later the warden rang as she was also concerned about her behaviour,The dementia seemed to become apparent from nowhere after that and i felt really bad and wished i'd have spotted it but she was so frustrating to deal with her at times it was hard to spot.Hope you're ok xxx

Thanks Tink thing is nobody goes in to back us up only the carer twice a week to shower her and once a week to take her shopping and they are worse than uselss but she won't change them.

She was recently asessed byt SS and they say she is ok an safe to stay in the house.

I must admit I am feeling the same but I cannot keep taking it I will be ill again and after being so low for 11 years I really would like to saty where I am happy and well.

I don't feel its selfish after nearly 30 years almost all of my married and eldest childs life running behind her.

{{{hugs}}} Lynn.

Sometimes for your own sanity you need to step away. It isn't as if your mum can't call on your brothers. As you say it may be good for them to see how things are and hopefully it will be a wake up call for them.

That's the one Lynn! Let her stew for a while, it always worked for me. I think you're right too about that last fall of hers, she could have had some of those mini strokes, that can make them like this too. I do hope you can relax a bit today and try and put it on the back burner for a while and see if she comes round. More hugs coming your way.xxxxx

I have no advice to offer, love... just wanted to say how much I hope it gets better. Big hugs.
X

Big cyber {{{hugs}}} Lynn.

It took me 43½ years and emigrating to get away from Mother. Three months later she decided to come for a visit. Liked being waited on hand and foot [even though I was working full-time]. Liked the weather. Liked it all so much she stayed for a month, said she would then go back home for two months and come again for another month...

...and so on and so forth.

After a couple of years of this I had had enough. Came home from work one day to find the sink full of washing up and complaints that she was hungry and there was nothing in the fridge, and why was I so late from work to cook her dinner.

So I told her to pack her case, phoned for a taxi and told the driver to take her to an hotel, and finally got a life of my own.

So sorry to read this Lynn, after all that you and Gill have done for your mum over the years, it's heartbreaking to think that she can be treating you in this way...I can only assume that she doesn't really know what she is saying and how hurtful it is.

Although slightly different but similar, we have always been a very close family, although about 3 years ago my two sister in laws banded together and were quite nasty about my mum and dad and about how close we all are. My mum was devastated as the boys decided to stay away more and more, they had always visited each weekend with the grandkids. These days my mum hardly sees the boys, she sees my sisters every day and I try to get back down to essex a couple of times a month, although we do talk on the phone a few times a week. My mum is so upset about it she is all for writing my brothers out of her will but my dad won't hear of it, I'm under no illusions as to which of us children would be doing all the running around when, god forbid, my parents are no longer capable, and I'm also under no illusions who will be there first when any inheritence is dished out, even though they've no time for my parents whilst they are alive

I hope todays events will help to cheer you up a bit, and I hope and pray that Gill is going to be ok xxx

Thanks so much all.

Well I was pretty tearful this morning when I woke up, but have been out to see Joel with Mark he lost one race won another so had a big beaming smile which made me smile.

We then walked home and stopped and got a cake and had a cuppa at Marks and now I have just got in too see all the wonderful support from you guys.

I have posted the appointment card it is on its way as we speak. I know it sounds harsh but she really has got to see she cannot treat the one who does the most all the time this way it backfires eventually. I know the boys will soon get fed up with all the demands and if they don't fair enough. They won't get 30 years of it I shouldn't think

I am not sure if she will write me out of the will she may get someone down to do it or get someone to take her to change it the only thing is I was hoping to help my boys out one day so that has been jeapordised. I know my dad must be reeling from his grave over all this.

I do feel terribly sorry for her and her situation but all of it is her own doing and she has to deal with what life throws at her if she chooses to stay somewhere she is having difficulty coping with.

In some ways I am relieved to be taking a step back I shall catch up with some of the things I never feel relaxed enough to do or have the time to do because I won't be cooking meals every few weeks and popping over.

What the outcome will be I don't know but I do think she has to make the first move. I think if she tells the boys which she is going to have to do at some point they may well say to her she has been very silly if only for the fact they know they are going to get more to do.

I have a feeling hell may freeze over before she admits she should not of treated me that way. I really think something is going on in her head and she is losing a grip on being able to be independant but you cannot treat people like that if you need support surely it makes sense not too.

She always tells us people are trying to run her life well I have stepped away now so she canot pin the blame on me for that one anymore. I just hope she doesn't need anything because neither of the boys it seems know how to use a computer or they don't own one and they don't know how to use the telephone when she needs something or how to use the yellow pages only I am capable of that.

They better start learning fast.