SA when Im still there

OK I have some ideas of things I am going to try but really appreciate a bit of addiotonal help here

As most of you know Ben is my first dog, then Mia came along way too soon (for me) and has had so many issues and Ben just seemed so good - that of course I missed something

I live alone and he is VERY bonded to me
Now I have filmed him and stuff and worked hard from a pup and I know he has totaly no problems when I am not there
Also from a small pup I decided he was NOT comming to the loo with me - so he is fine with that
and strangly he takes himself off upstairs when Im cooking in the kitchen

He is perfect in the crate in the car and you never hear a peep out of him

BUT
If I have to tie him out to run Mia, hand the lead to someone else or confine him anywhere he can see me he gets pretty distressed
same if I confine him somewhere in the house and he knows i am still in the house
dosent matter if Mia is there or not

He has also always slept in my room, but tbh the dog hair problem has reached such epic levels that I am having to stop that

He was crated as a pup so last night I thought I would try a crate in the hall when I went to bed - meaning to go out and reward him for being nice and quiet

Pottering about in my room with the door open and him crated he was fine
but as soon as I went to bed he started crying
I figured I wouldnt 'reward' him and wait till he settled
but
he really did cry ALL night
Most of the time a low level wimper but now and again building up do yips and little barks

I guess that was pushing him too much? he was fine with the crate beside my bed so no problems being confined to sleep that close
So the plan so far is to slowly move the crate out the room a little more at a time, and during the day getting him used to the idea he cant come into the bedroom (he is totaly fine with that for a short while now)

and now I have my own agility field away from houses I am trying to get him used to being tied out as I work Mia - and also plan on his own to try and clicker him when he is being more and more quiet

BTW - I know SA is unlikely to be the right term here, its frustraitin mainly I think

any other ideas for a battle plan here? I feel so dumb for having let him get to this state - before Mia I haddnt noticed it was an issue cos I never had to tie him out or excude him - after Mia I was dealing with her

I`m no expert, but maybe the changes have been too fast. And all coming at the same time. He doesn`t understand, and he is anxious. Maybe just one routine change at a time and introduce it more gradually?
Maybe it`s not dependence. Maybe he just adores you?
eta: dogs feel safe in a routine. Changing that routine can cause them stress. This isn`t a reason not to change it, but a reason to change it carefully.

I think the plans to slowly acclimatise him are good Little things can make a big difference overall too. Kiki has been suffering SA and even going upstairs (nipping to the loo) was distressing her. A behaviourist told me to make every trip out of the room/house a positive one, so if I nipped to the loo, leave her with a Kong (smearing cream cheese makes for a tempting but easy-to-make one) or scatter treats. I found it made a huge difference - infact, I've been naughty and lapsed this week because I need to bake a fresh batch of treats for scattering purposes and she has looked a bit more anxious when left, so going to be strict about doing this again. It can be easy to miss the small babysteps and hurry through things to reach an end goal, but it's better to go too slow than too fast.

I also taught her a proper "settle" command (she knew "on your bed" but not what to do once on it - so teaching her to physically relax on it rather than have her go to her bed and sit there awaiting a treat!) on the bed in the kitchen and I have noticed she's a lot happier to take herself off there in the evenings and chill on it, despite there being a bed in the living room with us. I made the beds a "chilling only" zone - no one's allowed to initiate play, get all overexcited, etc. when she's on the bed, the only interaction is calm stuff like stroking or massaging, so she associates going on that bed to feeling calm.

small steps seem about right. Has your attitude to life changed in any way?---he could be picking bup from you about all sorts of things. Some dogs do seem to. Others seem oblivious.

Champa was similar and still has a few hang ups. He would be right next to me all the time for choice and he never takes his eyes off me if I leave him in the car. On the plus side--I won't ever lose him!

rune

Agree with all the above.

Was wondering, as you do quite a bit of training with the dogs, have you ever taught him an 'out of sight' stay? If so, maybe doing a little training in the home on it. If it's something he knows already, it will be a gentle thing for him to learn in the home situation and you can add noises in other rooms (ie opening cupboards etc) slowly and gently just to let him know in a way he already accepts that it's no big deal for you to be in another room.

Thankyou guys. as always really helpful

He does out of sight stay in the house - I havent done much of it lately but today when I was making food I put him in a stay in the other room and he was totaly fine in the stay
but thats it, he is 'working' and not relaxed

I took on board 'one change at a time' and you guys are so right. I was trying to stick him in his crate AND have him sleep outside the room - that was a step too far
Last night I had him in the crate in my room but at the end of my bed where he couldnt actualy see me - and not a peep out of him
I will slowly get him used to moving the crate outsided the room

and good thinking with the 'making it positive' I never thought of that but my routine when going out is to get him to do some tricks then scatter treats for him to snuffle about and find - I can start doing that and leaving him in the kitchen while I do housework

and I guess outside when I tie him out I can make that a 'stay' practise for a little while - hopefully he will learn to relax with the idea

Thankyou all, I feel so much more positive about helping him with this now (wasnt helping him me getting stressed because I shouldnt have let him get like this)

He sounds similar to Jake Jake is fine in every way IN the house though... Outside is another matter though. He adores my OH, but even when he gets left with him at OHs house, Jake pines and wimpers for me... even though we are there on a regular basis. He is the same if I go into a shop, and leave him outside or in the car with OH (OH has given up staying in the car with him now, coz he freaks out much more)...

We are working on it, slowly and surely. OH lives with his parents, so we started leaving him with them, first for half an hour, then for an hour. OH has started walking him more, and him and his mum even walked Jake around Strathclyde Park last week... which was more stressful for me, than it was for Jake Jake was much better, where previously he has refused to walk with other people, and pulls back to wherever I am.

OH even took him today while I was at work, and again he was ok... although, after a while he does sit at the door whining, but if they distract him he will eventually chill out a wee bit.

It is hard work, and makes it difficult to leave him... but hopefully, he will stop freaking out at all... and hopefully, he will soon be able to stay over night at OHs, while still letting OH get a good sleep

Aww yeah, it sounds like you are doing the right thing for him

I am sure we will both get there!

Its funny the things you miss when trying to get everything right with a puppy! without having Mia I poss wouldnt even noticed a problem with Ben

and of course she had such a rubbish start in life but it has set her up to be totaly at ease being on her own