I think Vicki hit the nail on the head, he still sees you as his in some way and while he is open to moving on he seems to be making damn sure that you can't.
I think you need to set some boundaries and get your keys back, he really should only be in your home when you invite him. He will probably be prickly about it at first but he'll get used to the idea, or if he holds onto the keys simply change the locks and tell him once it's done. It's your flat and you should call the shots. I know my Ex behaved very oddly when we divorced and even though he was living with someone else he still used to keep tabs on me, and drive past the house several times a day.

change the locks..... i dont think that could be any clearer message to him tbh....

good luck with it all

I'm not going to comment as I'm still very anti men at the moment and see the worse in anything they do or say
but I'm just going to say I hope you manage to work it out amicably, if not for the sake of your friendship, for the sake of your daughter

i have been there my ex had keys was always turning up etc. I treid to talk like you and he had none of it he had a girl friend as well. in the end i change the locks to now i was safe not worrying if was going to walk in at any time. I wrote him a letter, he did not change i did have to go through a solictor in the end it hurt as we was close but he did get the message and now 5yrs on we are the best of friends and he can see what i was trying to say. it will be hard hun but you have to make the choice and just do it no matter what. good luck thinking of you. xx

My ex still wanted to LIVE with me
We never fought or had any real problems, but one day out of the blue (it was a Wednesday) he announced he wanted a divorce, but he still wanted us to live together and continue managing the money together, but he would move into the spare room- basically a sexless marriage.
I spent a couple of days completely numb and decided that since he wanted to continue "as we were" pretty much, that he would change his mind after a little while. On the Friday, we were sitting on the sofa watching TV and I just turned to him and said "are you sleeping with someone else?"
Turned out he wanted to continue to live in his comfortable home with someone who would cook his meals and wash his socks because his new girlfriend had a small kid and he hates kids I threw him out there and then and he moved in with some friends.

I think the hardest part, for him, was losing his routine. I was the organised and sensible one who filled in forms and looked after the finances. He was used to me being there to talk to, to do things for him and to "mother" him and our relationship had always been comfortable and safe. Any new relationship is a bit uncertain at first.
Sounds to me like he considers you to be a comfort that he doesn't want to lose, but I don't think that's fair on you. He has begun a new relationship and you say he has made it clear that he doesn't want to get back with you, so as you say, you both need to move on. Make it clear that you'll always be friends, and not just for the sake of your daughter, but that he needs to return the key, sooner rather than later. It's difficult, but I agree that in his girlfriend's position, I wouldn't be happy, either. Maybe you and she need to have a chat and talk to him together about any worries or concerns.

I do feel sorry for what you are going through, but I am sorry if this sounds blunt, but it sounds as if he has the best of both worlds. He has his girlfriend when he feels like it and you there waiting when he wants to come around. Does his new girlfriend know all about his cozy visits and chats with you. I wouldn't think so. He really is keeping all his options open isn't he. If it doesn't work out with her, he has you to fall back on. You deserve more than this sweetheart. I realize you have your daughter to consider, but that doesn't mean he can walk in and out of your life and home when he feels like it. He must be a very happy bunny with 2 ladies paying attention to him. Take your key back and don't let him make use of you just when he feels like it. You have your own life to live, make it clear to him. You need to move on and start enjoying your own life, and doing things for you.

its a hard one hun, gordons dad {who I have not been with for 13 years now} was very close to his other two boys mum when I met him, I have to say, they had two kids together, there is always going to be contact be it lots or little, I didnt mind really, I also have a great relashionship with her, lets face it shes my sons -brothers -mother, lol
I guess it depends on the people involved, Lots of folk find it strange that we didnt all argue and get stroppy,, the one thing I will say is her two boys and my lad gordon, have a close relashionship, none of that step brother type thing, there brothers,
good luck hun xx

Quite honestly Jules, he is treating you like you were still married, and poorly at that.

Please, for all your sakes, consider a clean break. If he is a true friend, he will recover and still want to maintain that friendship. I'm hoping Mia won't suffer in any way because of this, but if she does, she's only very young, and she will recover too.

IMO, you should get the locks changed asap.

*Hugs* xx