I presume you told his teacher of the fiasco this morning.
Have you arranged to see the head personally to talk this morning over and whats behind it

Yes. usually after football (he did stay and play in the end) they coming bombing out of there to come home. I took Oscar round form the playground and into the main office. I asked to speak with his class teacher adn they told me she'd gone home. I pointed out that her car was still in the car parkand lo nd behold, a couple of minutes later she magically appreared from around the corner of the main hall. (sorry - I know sarcasm isn't necessary and it isn't aimed at anyone here).

I also let the office staff know nad have asked for an appointment to speak with the Head. I'm not wasting any more time waiting for the Deputy Head to get back to me.

We had a similar problem this morning but it wasn't as severe and Oscar was only 15 minutes late. Normally Oscar will tell me anything and everything that goes on but he won't talk to me about whatever it is that's made him feel this way.
His teacher said he was OK in class yesterday and there was nothing unusual about his behaviour to suggest something was wrong. it seems it's just the part where I have to GET him to school that's the problem.

I'm fast running out of ideas. If they jsut won't contact me or get back to me, other than informing the Education Department (I spoke with someone early this morning about it), what else can I do?

I had a similar issue with Luke,he would sit down on the stumps at the end of our road and refuse to budge,I couldn't get him to school at all.

I would go into school and refuse to move until I saw the person I needed to.Have you considered sending Oscar to a different school ?
I did this with Luke and it was the best decision I made,his new school actually listened to me and we actually made progress in getting him a statement.

The link that I gave you details a step by step process of how to complain and who to contact and how to evidence what is happening to Oscar....It is a great site and offers loads of advice. Really hoping you make some progress.

I've looked at the link. Very helpful. Thank you.

We were supposed to be in Chichester by now so the school issue wasn't a problem.

As we're here in Birmingham at least for a while, I've thought about moving him to a different school but what bothers me is what if he moves elsewhere, then he's bullied at the new school straight away? Where he is at the moment he has a lot of friends who, for a bunch of young boys, are very supportive and kind hearted. He has their back up and is well established there. At a new school, if he's bullied straight away, he won't have had the chance of making any new friends and will be completely isolated. By that time it will be too late. I won't be able to put him wiht his current friends.

I'd love to move him to a fantastic school (hard to come by in Birmingham) where he'll be happy, make friends easily etc but at the same time, why shoudl Oscar have to move? The bully should move (whether voluintarily or by foce is irrelevant). I'm stufck between a rock and a hard place on this one. Every school wil say they have an effective anti-bullying policy but it comes down to it, I need to know that where ever Oscar is, they will take action should somethign like this happen.

I wonder if he could spend a day or two visiting a new school to see what he thinks of it and whatthe teaching staff think of him? I'll make enquiries today about it. That way, it won't be completely unfamiliar to him.

If you are considering looking for anew school I would start to do some reading on the Ofsted site , in particular, looking at the leadership and management sections and the behaviour/citizenship aspects. These will give you a good idea as to what the strengths of the school are. Also word of mouth is valuable as long as you can sort out rumour and make sure you listen only to actual parents/pupils etc.I would perhaps find the school you are interested in then make an appointment to go and speak to the head and discuss your needs. This way there is less disruption for Oscar in the early stages.Most schools allow a day of experience for the child before they officially start.

Alot will let you show him round and maybe have him for a couple of hours so hew can get a feel.

But you said you were moving anyway. You mention Chichester and Ryle wouldn't it be best for you yourself to decided what you are actually doing first otherwise moving him now then when you move this will be yet another upheavel for him again, even if its a year its all going to be Him making Friends over and over.
If he doesn't want to speak about things at the present let him be for a while, children are extremely quick to pick up parents anxieties and will then try not to say anything feeling that they will upset the parent.
I think you need to work out what it is in life your doing IMO ie moving to where to be honest....then you may find once he is at his new home with his new school all this will be a past experience.
Surely if your move is immanent then you can surely speed things up. I think he has alot going on, his school, your anxiety over that, your anxiety over his Dad, your anxiety over your house move, your anxiety over the Shop you have and the running of it.....its not surprising that in his little mind he doesn't want to tell you he probably feels you have more than enough on your mind....children are like that they too like to protect thier parents, its not just parents protecting thier children, it works both ways you know

But all that stuff is for me to deal with, not Oscar. He shouldn't be worrying about stuff that isn't his problem, that he can't cope with.

Also, I don't mention anything about what bothers me in front of him. I always try to talk about his dad in a positive way so he doesn't think there's any animosity etc. He knows nothing about the shop (which tbh has turned out to be more of a ball and chain than anything).

I do see where you're coming from though. We will be moving anyway so hopefully if it's not too far off he can stay put until we go. The issue of him being bullied straight away in another school is maybe a worry that I shouldn't have but I'm going overboard because of what's already happened. If we move then he'll have to go elsewhere anyway - there's no way I'm commuting back to Birmingham to bring him to school.

And no, I don't want any extra upheaval for him. I'm trying to do what's right for Oscar but it's difficult to know what to do first.

The biggest problem is that Oscar wil say he wants to stay at the school he's at now. So whilst we're still in Birmingham why upset him further when he can spend a little longer being with the people he already knows.

Also it's difficult to work out what order to do things in. Obviously if we move to Wales then a formal application will be made to a local school. It's easy to find somewhere decent to live over that way but I can't move anywhere until I've found work. I suppose I could just transfer the delivery part of the shop business over there as EVERYONE has at least one or two dogs but then I have to wait until that's built up again before I can realistically think about spending the money on moving. So catch22. Everything I have to do relies on something else being done first.

What a PITA. I thought this would be easy to figure out. I think I've just got too much going on at the moment to be ble to see things clearly. I'm having to concentrate on teh bullying issue at school so everything else has taken a back seat - but it's everythign else I need to work at to get things moving.

I have never suffered with political correctness so everybody form an orderly queue with your stones.........


I was bullied through most of my early school years as I was a gentle child, I did the crying and the begging not to be sent to school, hanging onto the door frame etc. School time was 12-15 kids pushing and hitting me from pillar to post and no rest in class either from the verbal abuse.

My brother came home on leave this one time and saw the marks on my arms and legs - he took me aside and taught me to 'stand up for myself' and stop being the victim.

I had a few incidents of 'standing up for myself' BUT after a short while, the bullying stopped.

I have since had a child of my own and I will admit that I am probably a little over sensitive when it comes to bullying. She has had 2 encounters, one was sorted with a letter to the other parent, detailing the problem and the other .... The school was written to on more than one occasion, meetings were set up with the other parents, punishments and encouragements were given but to no avail......Matters had to be taken into my own hands, I was not prepared to stand by and watch the torture of my offspring. I taught her to 'stand up for herself' and guess what?

I am not proud of the method used but needs must when the devil drives and the desired end result has been achieved - she ain't bullied anymore

I have never suffered with political correctness so everybody form an orderly queue with your stones.........


I was bullied through most of my early school years as I was a gentle child, I did the crying and the begging not to be sent to school, hanging onto the door frame etc. School time was 12-15 kids pushing and hitting me from pillar to post and no rest in class either from the verbal abuse.

My brother came home on leave this one time and saw the marks on my arms and legs - he took me aside and taught me to 'stand up for myself' and stop being the victim.

I had a few incidents of 'standing up for myself' BUT after a short while, the bullying stopped.

I have since had a child of my own and I will admit that I am probably a little over sensitive when it comes to bullying. She has had 2 encounters, one was sorted with a letter to the other parent, detailing the problem and the other .... The school was written to on more than one occasion, meetings were set up with the other parents, punishments and encouragements were given but to no avail......Matters had to be taken into my own hands, I was not prepared to stand by and watch the torture of my offspring. I taught her to 'stand up for herself' and guess what?

I am not proud of the method used but needs must when the devil drives and the desired end result has been achieved - she ain't bullied anymore



At last I have no sympathy for the other lad.............I am not interested what a hard time he has had, I am only interested in the ''good kid'.


If this pussy footing around him goes on much longer he will think that it is acceptable and then he will be in prison time he is 20.

A short sharp lesson is what is needed and to be kicked out of school.


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