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Location: Usually in a muddy field somewhere
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 20,145
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10-10-2010, 11:12 PM
Originally Posted by youngstevie 
With regards the bit in bold....thats not always the case. Our FS got permenant exclusion from his Junior School in March this year......no other school had a placement for him, he had to have someone from LACES here everyday for 2 hours and then went to a challenging behaviour unit for the rest of the time.
This child is a bright educational boy working on levels 5, and his behaviour severely suffered to an extent that I had to have him extra support workers & resources put into place here at the home. He went through severe emotional moods, threats both physical and mental states, he was confined to the house from 9 to 3.30, he became a danger to himself and sleep patterns changed so dramatically that we were taking it in turns to stop up during the nights. his levels dropped to level 3, he challenged everything, we had tremedous temper tantrums, we had to watch him 24/7, we had to use extra tax payers money for extra respite carers to give us weekends off....and we were exhausted
He started with a clean slate at Senior School in Sept (although they are fully aware of everything) he has done 6 full weeks and his levels are climbing back to 4 & 5s
Obviously this isn't your child....he only has us...no motrher or father or family.....good job he did have us, because he's 11 and nearly went over the edge
They are indeed.....and children with no-one behind them to back them emotionally are seriously affected too.
I look at my boys and Pats children they are all grown with children of thier own....our 9 Grandchildren...I look at them with love and caring, and I want to protect them.....but then I look at our FS who has no-one but us....and I ask myself, if our Grandchildren didnlt have us the Grandparents and thier parents......would they behave like stable well behaved children.
I look into the eyes of my FS and now I see a sparkle and shine of Belonging
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Location: Birmingham UK
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 20,832
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11-10-2010, 06:16 AM
Originally Posted by Lucky Star
Of course - this child is in your care so is essentially one of yours. I - as a mother - am going to protect my children with every bone in my body, which means I am not going to stand by and have them suffer while I seek to try to understand the child causing their suffering.
I was meerly pointing out the other child is suffering too thats all.
No one is asking you to understand...I'm not I was again just trying to point out........none of us know what our own children will have to face as time goes by or how they wil themselves turn out....we can only hope that thier lives stay perfect, but some don't have that....and given the age of the boy in question (6) its worrying that he could
end up a child with a label.
Its called compassion in my book.
But we'll agree to disagree, as I am not having a fight with you as its not your child we are talking about its a boy of 6 that is being let down by the school and society
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Location: Runcorn Cheshire UK
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 4,480
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11-10-2010, 06:56 AM
He needs compassion and understanding. Imagine what it's like to loose your mum at 6 ( I do I lost my mum aged
ok I didn't go off the rails, but I had a loving father and grandmother that brought me up. This poor boy sounds like he literaly has no one
He needs someone on his side otherwise as Steph says he will end up another statistic sadly
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Location: Cardiff, UK
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 6,033
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11-10-2010, 07:06 AM
TBH her responsibility is her child, not the other.
Some kids are just nasty ,wether theyve had a hard time or not.
Everyone has a hard time at some point, that dosent give a excuse to bully & hurt.
The bully needs help id agree , but not at the expense of the other kids
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Location: gloucestershire
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 8,432
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11-10-2010, 07:18 AM
Originally Posted by youngstevie
My point to this was, things are not always as clear cut as we think. You are not in no way shape ot form supposed to stand by....
I was meerly pointing out the other child is suffering too thats all.
No one is asking you to understand...I'm not I was again just trying to point out........none of us know what our own children will have to face as time goes by or how they wil themselves turn out....we can only hope that thier lives stay perfect, but some don't have that....and given the age of the boy in question (6) its worrying that he could
end up a child with a label.
Its called compassion in my book.
But we'll agree to disagree, as I am not having a fight with you as its not your child we are talking about its a boy of 6 that is being let down by the school and society
My son Tom could have been labelled,after all he injured two other children and as a result they ended up in A&E
Had I been the parents of those kids I would have been very angry because the school has a duty of care towards them but also towards Tom.
As I said I worked alongside the school,wrote letters to the LEA and we got his statement amended,so it now covers behaviour as well his learning difficulties,the school have also put behaviour management plans into action.
Since then we have had no major incidents with his behaviour and it's working well.
I really do feel that this school and it's staff are not doing what they should be doing for both boys, and both are been let down.
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Location: Usually in a muddy field somewhere
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 20,145
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11-10-2010, 08:54 AM
Originally Posted by youngstevie
My point to this was, things are not always as clear cut as we think. You are not in no way shape ot form supposed to stand by....
I was meerly pointing out the other child is suffering too thats all.
No one is asking you to understand...I'm not I was again just trying to point out........none of us know what our own children will have to face as time goes by or how they wil themselves turn out....we can only hope that thier lives stay perfect, but some don't have that....and given the age of the boy in question (6) its worrying that he could
end up a child with a label.
Its called compassion in my book.
But we'll agree to disagree, as I am not having a fight with you as its not your child we are talking about its a boy of 6 that is being let down by the school and society
I'm well aware of the bit I've highlighted above
- yes, the other child needs help - hopefully via the school etc. - but, again, in this situation, my priority would be the safety and welfare of my child and I would not allow them to continue to suffer verbal and physical abuse while I sought to help the child that was causing it. I think that taking care of our children's welfare comes under the label of compassion too.
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Location: UK
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 13,122
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11-10-2010, 09:41 AM
Originally Posted by youngstevie
My point to this was, things are not always as clear cut as we think. You are not in no way shape ot form supposed to stand by....
I was meerly pointing out the other child is suffering too thats all.
No one is asking you to understand...I'm not I was again just trying to point out........none of us know what our own children will have to face as time goes by or how they wil themselves turn out....we can only hope that thier lives stay perfect, but some don't have that....and given the age of the boy in question (6) its worrying that he could
end up a child with a label.
Its called compassion in my book.
But we'll agree to disagree, as I am not having a fight with you as its not your child we are talking about its a boy of 6 that is being let down by the school and society
Originally Posted by Lucky Star
You've lost me a bit - I don't understand the reference to 'I am not having a fight with you'? I am taking part in a discussion and stating that I feel differently to some of the other members, and giving my reasons why, not seeking to 'fight' with anyone.
I'm well aware of the bit I've highlighted above
- yes, the other child needs help - hopefully via the school etc. - but, again, in this situation, my priority would be the safety and welfare of my child and I would not allow them to continue to suffer verbal and physical abuse while I sought to help the child that was causing it. I think that taking care of our children's welfare comes under the label of compassion too.
Remember this child is 6 yrs old, not had a good life so far (from what I read in the thread) being isolated from others in the school , to me is abhorrent,
he has nto been excluded, but made to attend school, through a back door, kept away from the other children and made to watch others go about their normal interaction.Can you imagine doing that to a child, for me its a terrible way to deal with a child so young.
Of cause I can see it from the other side, the parent of the child/children being bullied, our children are our priority , but it would not sit well on me, to know a child so young was being dealt with in such a way!
the schools bullying policy needs to be re addressed.
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Location: Usually in a muddy field somewhere
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 20,145
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11-10-2010, 09:47 AM
Originally Posted by Jackbox
Completey agree!
But thats just it, in this situation the school etc are not giving this child the help he needs.
Remember this child is 6 yrs old, not had a good life so far (from what I read in the thread) being isolated from others in the school , to me is abhorrent,
he has nto been excluded, but made to attend school, through a back door, kept away from the other children and made to watch others go about their normal interaction.Can you imagine doing that to a child, for me its a terrible way to deal with a child so young.
Of cause I can see it from the other side, the parent of the child/children being bullied, our children are our priority , but it would not sit well on me, to know a child so young was being dealt with in such a way!
the schools bullying policy needs to be re addressed.
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Location: Lancashire
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 6,900
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11-10-2010, 10:16 AM
mum dies when she is needed most
father doesnt want him
grandparents dont want him and probably ignore him at home
he feels a burden and unwanted by all his family
the school "dislike" him - in his eyes - and are singling him out
he probably feels resentful that the other kids have family and are happy.
he is probably lashing out as he doesnt know how to deal with it all....
negative attention is still attention..
its a lot for a 6yr old....
he needs some serious help SOON!
could he be getting chastised physically at home too seen as he is lashing out physically????
on the flip side, i wouldnt be leaving the heads office until both grandparent were present and a full discussion waas being held as to how to ACTUALLY deal with it with someone from Educational Psychology there too...
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Location: Elsewhere
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,227
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11-10-2010, 10:24 AM
My 10yr old son was away on an adventure week with the school. 4 days in I recieved a call telling me to come immedietely to take him home as he had 'viciously' attacked 2 boys. My son has never been in a fight in his life.
I arrived to find him standing, bags packed, in the driveway with the head teacher. She was just going to hand him over there!
I told her to find us a room immedietely as I wanted to know exactly what has been happening.
She explained what she thought had happened even though there was no supervision at the time (bed time). She used emotive language, again vicious, bad etc It was only after I started to pick apart the story and ask about events leading up to the incident that I uncovered that my son had been bullied all week......kicked in the shower, called names, lights turned out on him when he was trying to get his pyjamas on etc. He was physically threatened and one boy came towards him with others egging him on to 'get him'.
Now if I had just accepted what I was told, then my son would have been sent home in disgrace and been labelled a bully and bad.
If you tell a child often enough that they are bad and rotten and a bully then this is what they become........a self-fufilling prophacy. This boy is only 6, it is not his or Oscars resposibility to make their time a school happy and safe, it is the schools and the relevant adults.
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