Something For the Gardeners

Ashlady

Dogsey Veteran

Location: UK

Joined: Apr 2005

Posts: 3,772

14-05-2005, 10:50 PM

Something For the Gardeners

Imagine the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis.

"Frank, you know all about gardens and nature; what on earth is going on down there? What happened to the dandelions, violets thistles and such I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintainance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought, and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attract butterflies, honey-bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now, but, all I see are those green rectangles."

"It's the tribes that settled there Lord, The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers weeds, and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass."

Grass! but that's so boring: I'ts not colourful, doesn't attract butterflies, birds or bees : only grubs and worms, and it's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?"

"Apparently so Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilising the grass, and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn."

" The spring rains and cool weather probably makes the grass grow really fast: that must make The Suburbanites very happy."

"Apparently not Lord. As soon as it grows a little they cut it; sometimes twice a week."

"They cut it. Do they then bale it like hay?"

" Not exactly Lord: most of them rake it up and put it in bags."

"They bag it; why; is it a cash crop: do they sell it?"

"No sir, just the opposite: they pay to have it taken away."

" Now let me get this straight; they fertilase the grass so it will grow, and when it grows they cut it and pay to have it taken away?"

"Yes sir."

"These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat."

" You aren't going to believe this Lord; when the grass stops growing so fast they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it, and pay to get rid of it."

"What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That a stroke of sheer genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes: plus, as they rot the leaves form compost to enhance the soil: it's a natural circle of life."

You'd better sit down Lord; The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall they rake them into huge piles and pay to have them taken away."

No! What do they do to protect the trees and shrubs in the winter, and keep the soil moist and loose?"

" After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy something they call mulch. They carry it home and spread it around the garden in place of the leaves."

"And where do they get this mulch?"

" They cut down trees and grind them up."

"Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint Catherine, you're in charge of the arts; what film have you scheduled for us tonight?"

"Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid film about....."

" Never mind, I think I've just heard the whole story."