Children starting school at 4

My little girl has a lovely, small village primary school to go to and I was really happy that she got a place there. They were very good about her starting a few weeks later than the other children (when I couldn't drive after my operation). She did a couple of play sessions and started properly in reception class on Monday just gone. It has been part time this week and they want her to go full time from next Monday; 8.55 am to 3.15 pm.

The thing is, she only turned 4 in June and she's already really tired. Last night her face was white and there were purple rings under her eyes. She seems to enjoy school when she gets there but was in tears a couple of mornings when leaving me. I can't bear to see her like that and it is awful being without her for so long. I miss her so much and it seems really cruel that 4 year olds should have to spend a whole day in school, away from their families. They will see more of her than I will and there's no way they can care as much about her as I do.

I'd prefer she went part time until she was at least 5 but although legally she doesn't have to be educated until around her 5th birthday, if I took her out of school now, she'd never get a place in that school again and she'd be behind all the other children who will move up from reception and not have any friends.

Why do children have to start school so early in this country? There are so many things we do at home - farm visits, country walks, fruit picking, zoos, cooking, letters, numbers, creative stuff, games, etc. etc. Wouldn't a mixture of both school and home be better? We had time to do that at pre-school because I only sent her to a couple of sessions a week. When she goes full time, there won't be much time to do things together because she'll have to get to bed so that she can rest. I feel that all I'll be doing is putting her to bed and getting her up, nothing inbetween.

I guess some in some families, both parents are working so can't spend as much time as they would like to with their children and I know of some people who don't want to, so perhaps they are better off in a formal setting - but that isn't the case with us. I feel I'm losing her to the system and she's only 4.

After half term we can't even go into the classroom with the children to help them, we have to drop them off at the gate. I understand that they want to encourage independence and it must be a pain for the teacher with a bunch of parents wandering around the classroom in the morning but it makes me feel I'm abandoning her and I hate not knowing what she is doing all day. I guess I'm not coping too well with her being away every day too. People keep saying that I've got the new baby to take up my time but that's not really the point. I want both of them - that's why I had children. I even thought about home schooling as an alternative but I'd be worried about her not getting to mix as much with other children.

they are all really tired when they start school, my daughter turned four in the July as she started school in the September. However she soon got used to it and got into the routine. I agree it is very early though. You are legally obliged to send your child in the term they turn 5, however the school has to allocate a place and you can accept it and start in the January term. If you are really not at ease with all of this I would recommend you speak to the teacher...........there may be a way round it!

(((((HUGS)))))

Thanks Fudgeley. You must have found that very hard. They look so teeny in their uniforms, don't they? We have mentioned how tired she is and they have said that she can sleep on a bean bag if she gets tired at school. My little girl would resist that though, she'll just keep going until she drops - probably at home. The trouble is, if she sleeps at all during the day, she won't sleep early enough at night and then doesn't get enough sleep and is even more tired the next day ... .

I guess we will have to see how she gets on next week and take it from there.

Same here. Oscar was 4 years old on 24th August (2 years ago) and started in reception class full time (0835-1510) in early September.

Parents were allowed to go into class with their children for the first 15/20 minutes or so for the first few days and then the first full week. That was it.

Oscar seemed to be exhausted every day and I did everythign I could to make sure he got proper sleep every ngiht for 12 hours or so. By the first half term holiday he was dealing quite well.

I thihk in this COuntry (please check though as things may have changed) a child doesn't HAVE to attend full time education until the first term after their 5th birthday. So in theory your daughter shouldn't ahve to start school legally until this time next year. If you feel this would be better for her then I'd suggest you make enquiries.

I wouldn't suggest home schooling for young primary school aged children. I'm a great believer in them picking up social skills that they can use for life in those first few years at school and if you did this now, when your daughter does go to school, she'll be th new kid, the one who's just joined, theone who's been doing different work etc. There are all sorts of ways that classmates can single out a child.

Maybe my view is clouded given what Oscar is going through at the moment, but I'd want my child to be a part of what was going on so there is no differnece between them and the other children that can be picked up on and ridiculed.

Would it be possible for your daughter to go to bed maybe an hour earlier if she's that tired? Or maybe getting up 15 minutes later? Or maybe a hlafhour nap after school then normal bedtime at say 6pm/7pm or whatever time she usualy goes to bed?

The tears may be because she's missing you but once she's with her friends and she's busy in class, I'm sure she's OK. I'm convinced that even what Oscar cried at the start of school (only happened a few times), within 5 minutes he'd forgotten about meand got on with what he was supposed to be doing.
But the tears may also be because she's tired. Sleep is very important of rchildren so she must get the right amount of rest.

I know it's hard. Have you spoken with the schol about how you feel? They may be able to reassure you or give you someoptions as to how to help your daughter settle in more easily.

Thanks Stumpywop - I had a look at your thread about Oscar and I understand completely where you are coming from. Poor Oscar.

Did she not go to pre school at 3 years or was she straight into school?

Hi jols - she went to pre-school at just over 2 1/2 years old, just doing two mornings a week, then this year, another afternoon session, which included bringing a packed lunch. I only sent her because I wanted her to have the opportunity to mix with other children; I never wanted her to do more than this because I wanted us to do things too, whether that be stuff at home, outings or classes/toddler groups, etc.

The law states they don't have to start school until the term they are five. However this does mean you could lose your school place. What can be done (here anyway) and is not really publicised is that you get your school place but then you defer entry but this has to be taken up in the January term. I would not advocate this however as it would mean your child is already behind the others in terms of socialisation and learning the school routines etc etc...

I work in a reception class most mornings as part of my school governor role and they do get very tired but they soon get there........It is just so hard for us all to adjust. i remember putting my daughter back into a pushchair for a while as she could not manage the walk home. She also used to be really moody and angry with me as she was taking all her tiredness out on me because she was being so good all day!Come to think of it, we are back at that stage now she is a teenager!

I'm not a Mother, so I can't understand how hard it must be, I hope things get easier for you both. My Mum was lucky with me and my twin, we always had a friend at school. I think it helped us settle faster at all schools.

I mention that because maybe you could find a friend or 2 from her class and have play dates at each others houses so she has friends there to look forward to seeing?

Thanks Melanie - she does know some of the kids from pre-school and there are a couple of others from a Music class we did. It's a lovely school and the children seem really nice. On one of her play sessions, a group of them took her by the hand and asked if she'd like to play with them.

I like the school and she says she likes it; it's her young age, being over-tired and missing each other.

Thanks for that info Fudgeley - that is my concern if I deferred until later. I was lucky to get an extra month with her as it is (when I couldn't drive) and lucky, too, that she seems to have slotted in so well, despite starting later. I'm just upset with it all and wish I could change the hours and you hit the nail on the head - it is hard for us all to adjust. I am also worried she will get cranky with me, as you mention and I don't even want to think about teen years.

Thanks for understanding everyone.