Tibetan Terrier

They may be small but they are perfect guard dogs. It will bark at anything, parked cars, delivery men, plastic bags blowing down the road. Own one the these and you will never be troubled by plastic bags again. Want to re-model your garden? They are good at digging too.

French Bulldog
Miniature Boxer, innit

'teacup' yorkie/chi/any other small breed.
The Teacup dog is created by carefully and selectively breeding only for puppies that will fit into a small bone china teacup for adorable photographs. Placing your teacup puppy into a teacup every day will ensure they never grow any larger, like a gold fish and it's bowl.

Not to be confused with the runt of the litter which is in all other ways indistinguishable from the 'teacup' puppy. True teacup puppies will of course come complete with a photograph of them in a teacup, beware of 'mug' puppies, these are not as cute and small as teacup puppies.

Nota Bene

Please make sure to remove puppy from the cup before pouring your tea.

Boiling water really is not very good for your puppy's well-being.

What about a list of things everybody knows certain breeds must have/do?

Border Collies cannot be kept as pets. They must be able to herd at least once a week. If you don't own a flock of sheep, buy 3 or 4 geese for the dog to practise on. In an emergency, energetic children will do, but make sure you kit them out with ankle boots and padded trousers. Parents are so sensitive these days.

Weimaraners, Viszlas, Pointers and Foxterriers cannot be kept as pets. They must be able to hunt at least once a week. If you don't own grounds with plenty of game, take them to your common at dusk and let them enjoy the local rabbits.

Pitbulls and Staffies cannot be kept as pets. They must be able to fight and bite at least once a week. To exercise them, hang a car tyre from a tree branch and attach them to it for an hour or so each day. If you don't have a garden, one of the swings in the local playground will do.

Huskies and Malamutes cannot be kept as pets. They want to sleep in a hole in the snow and must be able to run for at least 4 hours every day. If you don't live in the Arctic and travel by dog sled, underground kennels and a treadmill will do.

I'm glad this thread was resurrected! LOL

Miniature Dachshund

Weiner dog. A vicious dog who attacks everyone who comes near it's owner, even the owner! Never needs walking (bad for it) so good for people who live in apartments who never go outside. Only comes in red and black and tan, those other colours aren't real Dachshunds (pronounced dash-hound) and only shorthaired are purebred... the wirehaired and long haired are mixes, so you got conned if the breeder told you it was purebred.

They must be allowed to eat as much as they want, when ever they want, and whatever they want, otherwise they get mad at you and bite. It's fine of they get so fat they cant walk, as it's bad for them to walk anyway.

Ever wanted a Fox Hound but found you didn't have the space, or money to keep a pack, some horses and those funny red jackets? If this is you, don't worry we have the answer:

Introducing the BEAGLE!

It looks like a fox hound but is smaller, lighter and requires less friends.

Perfectly obediant, the Beagle lives to serve. This is one breed you never need worry about losing to a scent.

Requires no exercise
The Beagle was purposely bred to look cute and pretty either on your rug, sofa or in the car.

Feed as much as you like, Beagles are supposed to be a bit fat anyway, it adds to the cute appeal.

Oh I forgot that one lol. Thank you!

Please note: To get dogs to grow long slim legs you must give them extra excercise as the amount of running your dog does determines the length of leg

(actually told that by some numpty years ago)

....if someone published this I would actually buy it