I totally agree with you, raising a child is a completely individual thing and you just have to go with your instincts, no one can tell you how to do it.

But I do find it interesting that you used the word justify. I find it quite amusing that people who use dummy's keep feeling the need to justify it, it almost looks to me like they feel guilty for using one?? Now why do they feel that?

Anyway like I said, I am never going to approve of them and that is MO, nothing more, nothing less, not saying I am right or everyone else is wrong, so again I do apologise if people think that

Actually, I used the word 'justify' in response to your post (no. 24) where you asked for 'justification'.

As for feeling guilty? No, why should I? I started out with how I wanted to do things and using a dummy wasn't one of them. It didn't work out that way - so what? My daughter ditched it herself very quickly and I stopped it for my son at 5 months. It had it's uses and that's that.

Now other things I have managed to do the way I first planned. That's life. Win some lose some but what I did learn is to keep an open mind and not beat myself up - there are plenty of people who will do that for me - 'the best laid schemes', etc.

I am not going to justify the choices I made for my son to anyone..I did a lot of reading, and spoke to many health care professionals before I made the decision to give him a dummy.

I am happy with my son's development, only guilt I have is that I am not a SAHM

Do you have the research? As when I spoke to the midwife reguarding this I was told that the research is very limited and based apon babies who were given dummies and then taken away before 6 months to asess were cot death was incresed without the dummy.

ATD x

I may be wrong but maybe some feel the need to justify using a dummy , is down to the condemnation of others on how they bring their children up.

Personally I don't try to justify anything, I gave both my children dummies , they both got comfort from them, they both grew out of them, and neither had any speech impediment.

Many things effect speech, its not exclusively down to dummy, if you have something stuck in your mouth 24/7 , then it may well effect your development . things like dummies/thumbs/ comfort blankets, bottles/cups/....... OR it could be as simple as the child being a slow learner, some children are naturally slow to do things, like walking, talking, sitting up, sleeping through the night, they are all different.

Having the benefit of raising my children into adult hood, and seeing many friends and family also doing the same, I can say, that blaming one thing for any form of development in a child is not something one should take to much notice of.

I am not going to justify why anyone does anything with their children, you have not walked in their shoes , so don't judge why they do anything.

We all may have wonderful ideals in how we will do A.B.C when we have a baby, but the reality is that some babies don't read the books and guidelines, and if using D,E,F to help you get through , then why not, its hard enough as it is for new mums learning to cope, without being made to feel they are lesser than others.

My God, I am sure many would have a fit if they heard how many mothers generations ago got their children to sleep.

The thing is, they survive, they grow and become adults, there is always a new fad, guideline with every generation telling you what is good and what is bad.. you should not do this, you should do that, if you don't do this you are a bad mum.

My advice to new mums would be forget about thats in fashion and listen to your instinct, it will get you and your child through.

I agree with you, however you have to also accept the fact and it is a fact that many babes cues can be missed if a fake comforter is used, by this I mean in a very new baby when a dummy is used and the parent doesn't look for cues and read them correctly ( such as dummy being popped out of mouth and having a cry could often mean baby is hungry whereas parent might pop dummy in again and prolong the process, so that when baby does get fed its really hungry and therefore rushes on to breast or bottle and then can lead to wind / colic etc. I am a trained breastfeeding support worker through the NHS and it does have problems when parents don't pick up on the early signs of baby needing fed, and I see it when I visit mums who are using pacifiers and saying that baby goes on breast absolutely starving as they have perhaps been pacified for 10 minutes before via the dummy.

My main issue with them though is children of talking age ( and older such as 3 & 4 with them - ) its absolutely laziness when it gets to that stage and it does have an effect both dentally and with speech. I am not saying they get a speech impediment just that it can delay the talking as they aren't practising forming the words etc.

It just pains me to see children "silenced" with a dummy when actually they should be allowed to point talk and shout out word etc.

Thats of course my personal opinion and experience as a parent, of my specifc children but also of the problems than can be seen with use of dummies ( or perhaps that should actually read OVERuse of dummies)

Ultimately everyone makes there own choices, and I am not saying anyone is right or wrong in their choice just that I do not like it .

I agree with Jackbox - No mother should judge another mother's way of doing things and nobody without children should judge what is good or bad parenting (and that includes health visitors without children).
I have known friends drive their babies round in the car half the night trying to get them off to sleep. Also in years gone by it was common to soak a piece of rag in whiskey/gin/sherry and give it to a restless baby to help it sleep. Even the old gripewater recipe had alcohol in it.
One of my children cried quite a lot (many babies do) and some bright spark advised me to "push her down to the bottom of the garden and let her cry".
There is nothing worse for a mother than having a crying baby that won't settle and an anxious mother is not a happy mother. There is nothing wrong with using a dummy judiciously if it helps. All babies need to suck and more than likely they will find something else to suck on if they don't have one. How many 5 year olds still suck their thumbs ? Obviously commonsense plays a part and I don't believe dummies affect/delay speech or development.

Great post!

P.S one of my pet hates is health visitors too (who don't have children) telling ne mums how to do it.

I remember when my son was a baby (he was a nightmare, with colic) the health visitor would say tell me to do this or that, in the end I was so fed up with her, I asked, " do you have children" her answer is no, so I told her to go away and come back with some constructive advice when she had.