disaster - please someone help

It's all gone down the drain i think. Earlier when we were going to have dinner i decided to leave Archie in his crate with a nylabone for a while to see how he would take it. He had just peed but was wide awake.

when we were upstairs i told my mum that we were gonna leave Archie in his crate, she started making a huge fuss, by which time Archie was starting to cry. She said it was cruel why did i have to do that and that she couldnt eat with archie crying like that. I tried to explain to her that archie needed to be left alone but she just wouldn't listen to me and kept arguing, our voices were raised and archie was really upset crying, my mum went into a huge strop and went downstairs to her room, archie was still crying, and then i heard her babying him and comforting him I got so angy, I went downstairs and when she saw me she slammed her bedroom door in my face. Archie had stopped crying so i let him out but i notice he had peed in his bed, i dont know if it was from fright at the raised voices plus being left alone.

this is not good, will he carry on weeing in his bed now? I've washed the bed and put different bedding in his crate but now I'm so worried that all my hard work has gone out the window. please can someone suggest what to do, I'm so upset.

Tuti first calm down, things happen...ignore and carry on as usual

Mini, thanks, but will he not carry on weeing in his bed now, and won't he be even more upset at being left alone in the future?

No he won't just start weeing in his bed now! Sometimes, despite their usefulness, puppies do have accidents in their crates - they've only got tiny bladders. If you'd let him lie in it for days on end, or didn't put the effort in to let him out regularly and encourage him to wee in the garden, then you might end up having a dog that thinks nothing of soiling his bedding. But Archie's only teeny tiny and accidents do happen.

The idea of crates is to encourage them to hold it for longer and longer, but it doesn't miraculously prevent them from having accidents, so don't worry, it's not a disaster!!!

Unpleasant as raised voices may have been for him, he's not going to be disturbed now because of an argument. You do need to sit down with your family and decide on a consistent course of action though - inconsistency leads to puppy confusion, which can lead to bad behaviour. If you decide not to use a crate, that's fine and there's nowt wrong with that approach - but you need to agree on what it is you'll do and then everyone stick to it!! This goes for him making a fuss too! If it's easier, liken him to a child for your mother - if a kid came up and demanded something, would you just give in and give him whatever he wants?? If he learns that a bit of crying leads to being let out with the potential to cause havoc while you're busy, it'll be so much harder to get him to not cry whenever he wants something.


Hope this helps in some way

Becs

Explain in detail to your Mum what you are going to do and why, I would start with the going in and out thing I explained earlier the progress to 5/10/15 mins...Archie would know from your voices and body language you were upset ..never mind you are doing very well..

Thank you for the support mini and becs

Mini, normally i am actually in and out of the room his crate is in during the day, so he does know i'll come back, and the past few days I have tried not to be there when he wakes up, he does cry but I go in when there's a short silence. I have done it for between 5 and 10 minutes without any problems, and he was definitely not in there for 10 minutes while we were arguing... I guess I'll have to start from scratch now, and teach him to be alone when my mum's not around. The problem is, how can I trust her to look after him when I'm at uni when she does something like this? I've explained to her how important this part of the training is but she just refuses to listen. It's like trying to reason with a 5 year old having a tempre tantrum. I really don't know what to do. I'll try to talk to her when she calms down, because she refused to open her bedroom door to me earlier.

dont fret tuti all pups have accidents and i am sure it will not undo all your hard work. you do need to all agree on your approach though or he will get confused. i think you were write in what you were doing as it is good for him to have a bit of time alone although we never did it while we were still in the house as max could hear us and wanted to be with us we only ever shut him in the crate in the day if we went out.

Don't worry Tuti, it's not the end of the world, and you are doing a good job with Archie. But, as everyone has said, your puppy needs consistency in his life if he is to grow up to be a happy, confident, well-behaved boy. You, your Mum, and anyone else he comes into contact with regularly, must agree on how he is to be treated and stick to it.

As Becs mentioned perhaps you could get your Mum to look at it from the point of view of how she would bring up a child. When you were a baby, warm, dry, fed, and comfortable, did she pick you up every single time that you had a little cry or whimper? When you were a toddler did she give you everything that you demanded the moment you demanded it? What did she do when you threw a tantrum - pick you up and cuddle you? What would you have turned out like had she done these things? A horrid, spoilt, brat Puppies are not so differerent from small children and they need the same loving discipline.

I hope you can have a productive talk and agree to some sensible rules for the pup once she has calmed down a bit.
Best wishes
SB

Everyone has given some really good advice...tuti, it happens to us all, my puppy Takoda made a few spells where he had made excellent progress in his toilet training and just when you thought you were done, he had the odd accident, wasn't his fault, wasn't mine because we were both doing everything right, it was just one of those things that happen to the best of us. Don't be to hard on yourself, you sound as if you are doing a great job and are being very responsible...He might have gotten a little spooked with the tension with you and your mum and that might have been why he peed because they are really sensitive and you are probably feeling bad because of that and because you are trying so hard to do things right, but what is done is done, pick yourself up and start over and carry on doing what is best for your pup and don't worry. Go give puppy a hug and try not to let it get you down, tommorow is a new day and I bet he'll remember his potty training just as if nothing had happened. So long as you carry on with your routine you'll be back on the right road in no time because one accident doesn't mean it has all failed.

Hope you are feeling better

If it helps Tuti, get your mum to read some of these posts! I'm sure we could all bore her senseless with our advice LOL

Maybe you could explain to your mum what might happen if she fusses him too much? Maybe explain that if you let him out every time he whinges, he may transfer that to other things - i.e. "if I bark in my crate and immediately get let out (rewarded for it), maybe I'll try just barking at them when they want me to go to bed, go outside, behave nicely - it's worked before".

As SB says, dogs are like children in so many ways - you don't give in to every demand for attention, you don't let it dictate your life. But in some ways they're not babies. If a baby cries at night, you go to sort it out. If a puppy's crying it's slightly different.

If Archie doesn't slowly learn to be left alone, and that being alone's ok, he may develop fear anxiety. What's worse for your mum? Putting up with him crying for a while as he gets used to being left alone (it's traumatic for you, but not harming him in any way) or him never getting used to being on his own for a while and turning into a dog the neighbours complain about cos he howls every time you leave the house, or destroys your belongings out of fear?

Maybe explain to your mum he won't stay a puppy forever. It's many years worth of committment and what may seem inconvenient or traumatic for a few weeks now will help Archie develop into a stable, well-adjusted, confident dog. When they cry it sounds like someone's murdering them, but you know he's safe and warm. He needs to know he's safe too, and he'll only learn this by you and your mum's example. If she keeps 'rescuing' him from the horrible crate when he cries, he'll start to believe there was something bad about the crate all along.

I know you know this already I'm just trying to work out ways for you to explain to your mum

Becs