yeah the hard wooden chair does it every time If I have to go anywhere where I even suspect there may be a hard chair I carry a large carrier bag with 2 small cushions in it!!! The other thing that I have is a special cushion that has a cut out at the back for your spine, I use this when I am driving and it is great, think it is called an orthopaedic cushion.
My mum is not exactly at the same stage as your's and Lynn's, we are heading that way though. She has totally refused to move into sheltered housing where she would have no stairs and also someone on call, perish the thought!!! No she will stay in a cold 3 bedroom house where there are stairs and no one nearby to help her if she should fall. So I am just sat waiting for the phone call really for when the inevitable happens, then she will have to be moved into a more manageable environment for her, someone else will make that decision for her rather than her being able to make her own choice. Instead of this she will probably end up in hospital in a great deal of pain and be very upset because she is there. My brother and I do have Power of Attorney which she gave us when she made her will, so I suppose we could force the issue, but of course neither of us really wants to do this either. We are sat in limbo waiting on something awful happening, not a nice place to be at all.
You and Lynn both have my deepest sympathy, it is like swimming against the tide trying to do what is best but being accused of not caring whilst you struggle gamely on.

Oh you couldn't have put my thoughts into better words there - swimming against the tide is spot on!!!

I suggest you check out your Power of Attorney with the solicitors, or by scrutinising it thoroughly, because I think you'll find it'll be like mine, you have power of attorney "all the time her mind is sound", which obviously means, should your mum get dementia, then that power no longer exists, it's just worth checking for future reference I haven't even used mine yet, because quite honestly, I wouldn't want to go against her wishes in any way whatsoever, unless of course, she made a decision which was outside her own interest, then I'd have to step in. It has been useful to shove under the nose of the bolshy staff nurses sometimes, who felt I was being over protective of my mother, but then they don't realise she hasn't got much common sense, she's smart don't get me wrong, but not very good at knowing what's best for her in the way she does things or the drugs she wants. She wanted to continue with the sleeping tablets when she came out of the hospital, which didn't come out with her, so I had to ring around the hospital to find out why, and when they told me that they didn't like them having them OUTSIDE the hospital, plus giving me the reasons why (they fall over in the night half asleep getting on the commode!), so I had to go against her wishes there and listen to what the hospital said. She sleep fine now though, up until 2 nights ago of course

Your poor Mum, it must be awful just sitting in limbo waiting for something to happen, but let's hope it doesn't! You could always move her bed downstairs at a future time couldn't you? I hate the thought she might fall down them if she got dizzy suddenly upstairs? It might make you sleep a bit more comfortably without so much of a worry? We've got a stairlift installed for Mum, but then it's never used now! I won't have it taken out though just in case she does come home, or perhaps when I bring her home for the day when she's well enough, she can have a sleep over, so she'll need it then! Lol! Bless her!

If your mum starts to have falls, you can always get one of those bells that they wear around their necks, in fact you could enquire about one now? I think it's the social services who hand them out to people living on their own, and if they fall, they just ring it and a paramedic comes immediately, and there is a key installed outside of the house for them to get in. Worth an enquiry perhaps?

Lol! The things I've learned over the past year, I could write a book on how to care for an elderley relative, and I've got the Social Services bit to do yet!!!! I intend getting them involved in July coz I think we'll have coughed up enough since February at £3K per month, they can start chipping in for her care, and I won't stand for any stick from them either! I have been warned about what they're like with things like this, so I'll be on the ball when the time comes!

Good luck with your mum, I hope she continues to keep her independence for a long time yet without any mishaps, but if she does have any, you can be a member of our swimming against the tide club!

Sorry to hear this Aitch. Shame about Harvey's visit too. Still, it might work out yet - there's a couple of days to go.

Here's hoping..... xxx

Helena, there is not a chance in this world she would ever ever consent to her bed being downstairs
I did manage to talk her into getting an electric bed that tilts every which way, even then you would have thought I was asking her to slash her wrists and empty her veins!!!
Also managed to get her to have an electric scooter, which she now wouldn't be without. My brother has introduced the idea of a stair lift and she will not hear of it. There is plenty of money there, but you would think she had not a penny to her name. She will not under any circumstances whatsoever consent to anything which would make life easy, the panic alarm thing has been mooted, and subsequently binned, again because of the extreme reaction I received from her. Like you my brother and I would not want to go against her express wishes and we would not feel at all comfortable doing so, however because she resolutely refuses to put herself in a safer environment we are left with sitting waiting for trouble.
There is going to big trouble tomorrow as well, my son has brought the 4x4 over here to me when he was doggy sitting this weekend, because it needs an MOT. He drove my car back to his place and the plan was for us to take the 4x4 to the NI Show this weekend and then he was taking it back home and leaving my car back with me. Now it is looking like it is going to fail the MOT, plus for some reason there was no way it was going to start for me this morning, it was dead as a doornail. Wednesday I go over to my mum and take her shopping for her and get her pension and stuff - have got to break the news to her that it will not be happening tomorrow as I have no transport - I will be the worst person in the world and then some

Oh Helena - just caught this. Sorry your mum is having some problems with her back. Hope it can be sorted and you can still have your day out with Losos.
Lynn and TawneyWolf - following your posts too and thinking of you both xx
(especially about the shopping !!! I have been there!!)

Oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what a shame, poor love x Let's hope Mum doesn't end up in hospital again xx

I had to laugh at you there with the slitting her wrists bit at least you can take it all so lightheartedly for the moment, which is good, coz there'll probably be plenty of times further on down the line where you'll be pulling your hair out like me and Lynn, I hope not of course, but don't hold your breath that's all I'll say! When I think 2 years ago my Mum was living on her own in Majorca getting on the bus every morning and going into town and putting herself in even more jeopardy getting off them sometimes it just doesn't seem right or believable somehow that since all these falls she's now in the position she is, stuck in a chair, only having to think about whether she can make it in time to the bathroom, or going into the dining room for her lunch, it's so very sad. To think, it all started with her broken ankle and I got her through it, then another fall a couple of months after the plaster came off this time on her hip, and so it went on, the last fall actually breaking the hip In hindsight, looking back, if only I had stuck to my guns with the doctor about a pill she was taking to reduce her blood pressure, when I knew for a fact she didn't have high blood pressure when she was off the tablet for a fortnight when she was ill and the doctor told me to stop them. Turned out, the hospital took her off them in the end because they discovered that her blood pressure suddenly drops and hence she gets dizzy and hence the reason for the falls!! If only I had stuck to my guns and got the doctor to take her off them we might not be here now, but hindsight is a wonderful thing I suppose isn't it

I know about being the worst person in the World too sometimes I got that yesterday, because in her mind I hadn't been there for absolutely aaaaages, just because I had the week-end off!!! Fancy wondering who I was??????!!!! I think that was for my benefit though, to drum home the fact that I hadn't been for 2 days somehow! Last Monday I got the "oh, hello" bit, which Lynn also knows only too well! Sometimes though, I'm the best thing since sliced bread and she tells everyone she doesn't know where she'd be if she didn't have me and what a wonderful daughter I am - but the staff tell me that bit, not her!!!

My next plan, IF her back gets better and we don't have any more hospital traumas with the current pains, I might start bringing her home for the day, maybe have her stay overnight, but I've got to get another commode, and do I really want to splash out another £100 if she might not even be coming back? (I binned the other one coz it got worn out! Lol! How can anybody wear out a commode, but she did, the plastic got all worn!!! ) Then it will give me an idea of just how well she could manage on her own upstairs, if I got some outside help in each day to get her washed and dressed, and take things from there. Dave won't be very happy coz he thinks I'll get stressed out, he says to leave her there until she's got stronger, but you know me, always up for a challenge!!! I think it would be good for her mind to get her back here, she might be getting a bit depressed stuck in there, although she keeps telling me she's happy, she didn't seem very happy Monday, but then she's in pain again isn't she.

I'll let you know how things go with the doc tomorrow if we have one, she might be as right as rain, you just never know from day to day with her!

Awww...Aitch so sorry to hear about your mum. Hope she improves soon and you get things sorted. I do know how you and Lynn both feel hun. Big hugs. Hope you get to your meeting with Harvey. It would be such a shame to miss it. Big wags and licks from your Cyber Cass too xxxxx

You guys definitely don't get a quiet life do you!

Just wanted to say POA or not, dementia or not, a persons wishes still count and you can't choose for them.
The only way I have ever seen a persons choice taken away is if they are sectioned, and this would be because they are at significant harm to themselves or others.

So if your relatives don't want to do something, there is not a lot you can actually do to make them do it!
There may a risk to them doing something, but as an adult they have the right to choose that right to that risk.

Hope both your Mum's get their pain sorted soon.

my mum is 90 this year and like yours Helena has always been very independent, but surely common sense doesn't suddenly desert them when they get old??? To me it seems crazy to struggle in a large 3 bed house with garden front and back when she could be in a ground floor flat with everything on tap?
Know what you mean about pretending not to know who you are, I get it all the time when I ring, as though I have been out of the country for 6 months
OH has booked us a holiday in Barbados next year as he is sick of all the nasty remarks I get, wait till she gets THAT piece of news -I am saving it for when I get a reasonable day with her - it will NOT go down well I KNOW