I got this through as an email today, the Monster Raving Loony Party Manifesto, I will cut and paste it on here, made me giggle........
> They get my vote!!!
>
> The Monster Raving Loony Party's genius manifesto....
>
> Overview
>
> Our team of experts has decided that Income Tax has not proved popular
> with the public and will therefore be abolished. It was
> started in order to finance the Napoleonic war in 1799 and we now believe
> that the time is right to announce the cessation of
> hostilities with Napoleon.
>
> Some of the money left in the coffers will be used to fill in our part of
> the Channel Tunnel in case no one has mentioned it to the
> French.
>
> Any remaining money will be strategically placed on a horse at the 3:30 at
> Haydock Park at odds of at least 12/1 in order to see us
> through until the next election.
>
> Income Tax will be officially replaced by people lending the government a
> bob or two at the end of the week when we're a bit skint.
>
>
> Other policies:
>
> We will issue a 99p coin to save on change.
>
> The Official Monster Raving Loony Party will not join the single European
> currency. We will invite all Europeans countries to JOIN
> THE POUND.
>
> Rich people should be taxed to pay for the printing of money, as they use
> most of it.
>
> Tax credits will be paid to nice people. There will be a "total *******"
> tax for everyone else.
>
> Any cabinet minister found telling lies will be shot across the English
> Channel in a high velocity circus cannon to save time and
> first class travel expenses. Top British engineers will be employed to
> plot the correct trajectory. A European funded net will be
> set up strategically in front of the European parliament so that when the
> errant MP hits it, he or she will bounce through the
> second floor window where they will be handed champagne and canapé at a
> reception hosted by Leon Brittan and Peter Mandelson.
>
> To help finance the above mentioned net, when it is not required it will
> be hired out to the London production of 'Chitty Chitty
> Bang Bang!' for the child catcher.
>
> Policies For Children:
> In reaction to the old adage, "Children are so honest" we intend to reduce
> the age of standing for parliament from 21 to 5.
>
> SAT's tests will be abolished and replaced by Gordon Ramsey style cookery
> lessons and Rolf Harris art classes.
>
> All children will be given two birthdays like the Queen.
>
> Any child who is cleverer than their teacher will be allowed to take over
> the class and the teacher will stand at the back with a
> dunce's hat on. He or she will then be on half pay until he or she has
> learnt enough to regain the upper ground. This is our policy
> for child empowerment.
>
>
> Transport:
> The number 13 will be abolished due to its longstanding unpopularity. The
> bus to Acton North will now not have a number on it but
> not much else will be affected. Therefore if you see a bus with no number
> on it, it will be going to Acton North. Please remember
> this for future reference.
>
> Pram lanes will be created in all shopping centres.
>
> Drivers will be allowed to drive over roundabouts when there's nothing
> about. This will make driving through Milton Keynes much more
> fun.
>
> In order to combat motorway congestion we will immediately close all
> motorways to all vehicles with the exception of bicycles to
> encourage our green policy and fitness. Any bicycles with more than 3
> gears will also be banned for safety reasons. Apart from
> anything else this will allow police to get on with catching burglars.
> Traffic cops who are not intelligent enough to cope with
> proper police work will be allowed to wear their uniforms for a
> transitional period before being re trained as vicars.
>
> All cars will be converted to run on Venos to help stop congestion.
>
> 4 wheel drive vehicles will only be allowed to drive off road, therefore
> stopping mothers picking up their children from school in
> them when they only live 100 yards down the road. They will also be
> wrapped in bubble wrap to make them safer.
>
>
> Policies for students:
> Eton and Oxford will be relocated to Blackpool and Bognor Regis leaving
> the other Universities with a chance of a bigger intake.
>
> We intend to make free university tuition available to all students named
> Grant.
>
> Any student who says the word "Like" when not grammatically called for, as
> in, "Hey, I'm .. Like, going down the... like, pub", or,
> "I was, like, don't do that" will be made to go and stay with George Bush
> for a week in order to discourage them from other stupid
> 'Americanisms'.
>
>
> Democracy:
> The Houses of parliament will be demolished and replaced by a mobile
> parliament. This will allow MPs to be picked up in the mornings
> if their cars won't start. It will also allow the public to see parliament
> at work and members will be able to wave to the public as
> it is going along. It will also cut out any necessity to have regional
> assemblies as it can park up at different towns and villages
> throughout the year. On the old site of parliament a large statue of
> Screaming Lord Sutch will be erected and a loony village will
> be built where it will be obligatory to enjoy yourself. Pogo sticks will
> be provided free of charge.
>
>
> Law and Order:
> We fully back the government's policy of discouraging binge drinking by
> opening pubs for 24 hours. We believe that 24 hours is not
> quite long enough and propose to make the length of a day 32 hours long so
> that the pubs can be open for even longer.
>
> We also rather like the government idea of coming down hard on drugs by
> legalising them. Regarding tobacco it will now only be legal
> to smoke it with cannabis. Anyone found to have a ciggy not containing any
> cannabis will be made to walk to Coventry with a stone in
> their shoe, unless they come from Coventry in which case an alternative
> major city will be substituted on the advice of a committee
> who will meet far too often and eat dope cakes.
>
>
> Health:
> To prevent congestion on hospital wards, all hospital visits will be cut
> to 30 minutes a day, with the exception of Coco the clown
> to entertain the nurses.
>
> All foreign G.Ps in England and Wales will be taught the local dialect so
> they know when their patients feel Jiggered (Tired), Manky
> (Rough), Gipping
> (Vomiting) or have got somit rang with their Fizog (Face).
>
>
> Defence:
> All WMD's (weapons of Mass Distraction) will be made highly visible so
> that we can find them.
>
> The white cliffs of Dover will be painted blue to camouflage our islands.
>
> Buckingham Place will be defended by triffids, cultivated by Prince
> Charles.
>
>
> General:
> Anyone believing that their pet understands every word that they say to
> them will be asked to make the pet write a thesis to prove
> it.
>
> Norman Wisdom will be made Minister of Pensions. Pensions will be raised
> by 100% on inflation, because I am nearly at retirement age
> myself.
>
> All footballers will be made to wear slippers to make the game more
> interesting.
>
> Boxing will be made obligatory for people we don't like.
>
> The Olympic Games will only allow British sports people to take part in
> order to help our gold medal chances.
>
> To keep up with the present government we promise to introduce many
> policies that have not been thought through properly, purely for
> cheap votes. These include: Making everyone a lottery winner Providing
> beer for school children Giving everyone a quid who votes for
> us and finally
>
> The Queen In future the National Anthem will be 'Bring Me Sunshine' as
> sung by Morecambe and Wise. It is quicker, more tuneful and
> people know the words. On state occasions Prince Philip will juggle his
> spectacles up and down and say, "Hey!" before the whole of
> the The Royal family do the dance off at the end. If the music can not be
> found because it was left in the pub then it may be
> substituted by 'The Hippo Song' by Flanders and Swann.
>
> Vote for Insanity - You know it makes sense!
>
> © OMRLP 2003 The Official Monster Raving Loony Party is a registered
> political party in the UK - HQ: The Dog & Partridge, 105
> Reading Road, Yateley, Hampshire GU46 7LR.