Do you and your OH agree on your dogs?

I feel really stressed out today - I'm sure many of you will have seen my posts about Bear, our newest addition to the doggy family.

I personally chat to people, ask advice and feel I have bonded really well with Bear, but my OH doesn't seem to be in the same place as I am.

Yesterday he was really negative about how Bear is coming along and said that he thought he would never come right, and we should think about our other dogs first and foremost. His basic gist was to consider rehoming Bear.

Today, we've chatted loads and I've said that I'm asking for help and advice. Previously he'd greeted me posting on here for advice with contempt, and refused to listen to any of the advice. After some serious words passed he decided to admit that he may wrong and take some of the advice given.

We took the dogs out this evening and Bear lunged at a Yorkie - being very strong, he nearly got the Yorkie and could have hurt it despite being muzzled.

I don't feel like Bear will get better without my OH's help, but he's negative every step of the way. He went into a complete mood after that and demanded to know what I was going to do about it to make Bear better.

I'm close to my wit's end. It's like I'd better have all the answers or else Bear has to go, and I admit I need help, I'm asking for help but all my OH can do is be negative and say he doesn't think it's ever going to work, how can anyone else know what we should do with OUR dog, how can anyone presume to know about Bear, he's hopeless and won't ever stop being dog-aggressive.

I feel I'm a patient person, and I want to give Bear time and try everything. I'm looking into aggressive dog training courses, which I'm sure my OH will say we can't afford etc etc.

I just feel like just as I manage to sap some confidence and hope from talking to positive people, it's a slap in the face, and I'm finding myself tense hoping that Bear behaves so that my OH won't go in a mood and it won't be my fault.

Does anyone else have this or does everyone generally have their OH's on side when they have things to sort out with their dogs?

Bear in mind here, that my OH brought Bear home. It was HIS decision, which I knew nothing of until he'd got him. I liked Bear, and would have loved to offer him a home but had accepted that we couldn't, so I hadn't properly thought about it before he got here.

But as he was a 'surprise' for me, I feel like what we're having to work through now is being thrown back at me, like it's my fault.

I feel really down about it

Oh dear, what an awful situation to be in. Im sure Bear is picking up on the stress vibes and its unsettling him further. Calm, patience and confidence from you is whats needed. If you keep thinking he will fail, then he will. He hasnt been with you all that long.
Men can be so obstinate and bloody minded at times. Next time he spits his dummy, try asking him what HE is going to do with HIS dog, and see what he says.

Awww I really feel for you.

Im lucky as they are my dogs and I do the training with them, but my hubby loves all four of them, and although he's not really into training them, he loves to watch anything they can do and praise them.

They become Pat's dogs when he's lying on the sofa, using the ball chucker on walks, and when visitors come he will show off thier tricks, but doesn't tell anyone that I taught them..... luckily they do them for him too.

But he is very protective of them which makes me smile, on walks he's calling them to hs side if something looks aggressive and can get quite ''funny' if someones dog goes to have a go at them..........so I think in general we are in agreement with them.
Pat brought none of the dogs by himself it was my idea he just came along so to speak, but he has a positive attitude with them.
Tess has taken alot of time and been the hardest to train, quite frankly I call her ''dog with learning difficulties'' and I can imagin how you feel as its hard work when a dog seems to just ''not click''. Without Pat I think I would of found it alot more difficult but he will used all the right commands with her, so I feel you have to sing from the same song sheet.
Would he not take on some training in classes, perhaps if he saw that with his handling Bear was getting better, he could take some pride and satisfaction in that.

Pat had trouble handling Bruce and always passed him to me to walk on lead etc,. but with a little training of ''Pat'' by me, he's handling Bruce alot better now and actually takes delight in doing so, Pat just lacked confidence with Bruce, it took me a long time to see what the problem was....Pat thought that he was a failure handling him..... but now he's first to take Bruces lead

Best wishes hun xxxxx

I think you guys are right, I think it's stemmed from a lack of confidence and somehow it can't possibly be that he should accept some help, it's because of Bear. Obviously, because he is struggling to get the best out of him, it's the dog's fault

I am very calm and patient with Bear and Bear warms to me because of that. When he is unsure he runs to my side for reassurance, and I think my OH finds that hard to take as well. But if he only made an effort with him I think it would be different.

I really do need his help though because besides anything else, Bear is very strong and until I can better control him with voice commands, I don't feel confident in being able to hold onto him now he's stronger and fitter as he's a big lad!

It's always the way though, these dogs are mine when they're misbehaving and his when there's something to be proud of. Virtually all of the tricks training these dogs have is because of me - I don't think my OH has the patience to be honest - but he'll still show them off!!

But things like that don't bother me - it's the constant negative attitude. I really don't need to be made to feel less confident than I already am, I need support in what I'm doing with Bear.

I'm on the same page as you. One of my first posts was does your OH feel the same way about your dogs as you do?
My husband is very unsupportive despite wanting a second GSD and a male at that. All the plans etc. went out the window and I have been left to train Jake and whilst this isn't a problem from the point of view that I love him dearly and am so attached to him, it is a problem in that he has issues with other dogs and his recall is hit and miss and non - existent when there are distractions. I have a job with him on my own and all I really want is for my OH to be with me to give me the confidence to take him out around other dogs but it's not happening and I can't afford costly trainers either. Men seem to make decisions and then move the goal posts.... I feel for you.... I would think any problems I have, you have threefold.... I just wish you luck with Bear. It's not fair on either of you.

I'm sorry you're in the same situation too
Hopefully your Jake will be okay with such a strong owner as yourself.

Men do have a habit of doing this somehow, don't they?

It's just frustrating because I feel sure that Bear would do so much better if only he had a positive attitude from BOTH of us. I just feel like I'm in this on my own half the time. The number of times I've had to defend Bear when my OH is making arguments about how he isn't getting any better, he's a liability, he's making our dogs unhappy etc etc is getting silly. Surely it shouldn't be like this?

I'm going to take Bear to training sessions on my own if needs be. I will do this by myself if I have to .... who needs men anyway?

Ive just been reading through your other posts about Bear Hopefully I can be frank with you and not make you think Im being a nitpicker.

I see Skye is 9.5 months (think I read that right tell me if not) and she is OH girl.

A couple of things sprang to mind, could your OH feel frustrated that her and Bear have had a couple of issue (OH feeling protective of her) and as Bear is responding to you better then him, could he be feeling a little jealous that you and Bear are bonding.

I know that you wouldn;t treat one different to the other, but could OH think you do.....this would be Pat's attitude over our Skye as she's a daddies girl....and in his eyes perfection itself

OH & I agree to disagree where the dogs are concerned.

He decides to take on another dog, I end up looking after it. I didn't mind, it gave me something to do, because I only worked a few hours a week, so could dedicate alot of time to the dogs.

When we got Blade (Lab), he was supposed to be for OH, so he had 3 dogs to take out on shoot days, but because I did all the work with him, we really bonded, and he is my dog through and through, and I think OH is a bit jealous of how much Blade wants to be with me, and doesn't take a blind bit of notice of anyone else if I'm around.

I agree with Youngstevie, in that maybe your OH is jealous that you are bonding with Bear. Maybe giving it some time, and working with Bear on your own, letting him settle properly etc, will help your OH come around to the idea of having him and helping you with his training etc.

I think you may be right. Skye is 18 months old and was supposed to be my dog but she always bonded more strongly with my OH.

He definitely treats her as his favourite (she gets sleeping on the bed with him priveliges where no other dogs are allowed!), and to be honest has found it hard admitting that the problems between Bear and Skye are half Skye and half Bear.

I think he may think I treat them differently, but I am gentler with Bear simply because he is still learning about our routine and to trust. He will take time to understand what we want and understand that bedtime doesn't mean he can watch my rats and try to bite them through the bars ... and I'm patient.
Our other dogs do know the routine and I am much firmer about correcting them because they are clear on the rules of the house but sometimes think they might get away with some fun 'naughty' things if I'm busy with Bear!

He hasn't taken to Bear in the way I have, simple as that I think, and because of this he just doesn't want to be positive and all he can see is that he's a 'problem'.
I don't know what he expected when he brought him home though. He's never had a rescue before though whereas the only dogs I'd ever known before our current lot were rescues so Bear is a pleasant surprise to me rather than a 'problem'.

I can see alot more clearly now thanks for your honesty.

Owning Bc;s I think IMO Oh treating Skye the way he does is lovely but can bring with it problems, she is still a very young dog and BC's have a habit of using thier brains, she will of realised that the priveligies are just hers and there I feel lies the problem of her being bossy and guarding your food when eating (think you mentioned somethinhg about that in one of your posts)
We have 4 as you know and I refuse the allow anyone of them to be handled differently as again IMO BC's can be strong minded and wilful if allowed.
Bear is an adult dog and having to fit in with the house rules, I think as others have said I'd be saying to OH....OK you fetched him here and we can not fail him so what are you going to undertake with him.
Unfortunately your OH sounds as if he has his favourite and now he needs to ''share'' himself around otherwise as you say he wonlt be doing himself any favours or doing Skye any favours as she will continue with her habits. Ask him how hw will feel if they have a set too and Skye gets hurts....with Bear being so much bigger this is always a possibility as I doubt Skye ( as she gets older) will always back down.....knowing Bc's