Glad your feeling a bit better Ian x

Hi Ian

Have just caught this thread and like so many others want to say that you have done nothing wrong. Glad that your last few posts were much more upbeat and I really hope the docs was of some help to you.

Big Hugs to you and Blackie

xxx

Hi,
Well been to docs, he has put me on the waiting list to see the counsellor, it will be about two month before I'll get an appointment. He has also put me back onto antidepressants, the one I was on before - amitrptyne (sp) he says that we know that I can take them without any nasty side effects. So I'm going to be drugged up for a few days.

I was going to go to the docs in my scooter but it looked as though it was going to rain and it is a good mile and a half away so I got a taxi there £4.50! one way anyway I just came out of the surgery to phone for the taxi back and who should come along, my carer, she give me a lift home so that has helped me.

When she came in she was great, did the usual things, chatted etc, then before she left, she came and give me a hug and a peck on the cheek, and thanked me for understanding about the other day. I don't think she honestly didn't want to do what she did.

Ian

Ian
I have been following this thread, but i have to say i honestly feel, she is over stepping the mark.
You will form a bond with her she's your career, but it up to her to be a professional career.
I can understand her helping you to get home, but i can't understand the hug and peck.

Her boyfriend is upset, but i don't think it's aimed at you, i think it is his way of telling her she is going to far as your career.Maybe she has done it before.
It is unfair to treat you like she is doing, she is putting your emotions through the mill and should at her age know better.
If she is in an unhappy relationship thats for her to deal with, not you.
In my opinion you should have a new career as this has gone well beyond the boundary lines between career and client relationship.
You have enough to cope with on a daily basis, she may go home and get on with her own life but your sitting in your home worrying about her.

Wel Ian I do agree with leo, she has ovestepped the mark as we said before but her behaviour today is also mixing with your mind, and very wrong.

Kisses are highly frowned upon, esp between the sexes. I didn't say the word 'banned' as my little Belgian lady gives you kisses on both cheeks at every visit, but this is a cultural thing.

As a carer you can send the wrong message without even realising it, its the same as words like 'sweetheart' or 'love', they shouldn't be used.
I used to go to a couple who had been together over 76 years (since they were scout and brownie). The wife died so we went to the husband. We had a carer who was a bit touchy feely, and quite innocently gave th gentleman a hug and a peck on the cheek after he'd lost his wife. When I next went in he was in tears.
'My wife was the only lady I ever let kiss me in 76 years', he felt awful. He died less than a year later, as often happens to couples who are so devoted to each other.

She was just trying to show she cared, show sympathy, but it meant different things to him and he was devastated.

I'm not saying your carers kiss was anything other than caring, but it is messing with you, making you worry. To be honest she should do the professional thing and ask to be moved to a different client, even if only for a while to let things cool down for you both.

Thats just it, she goes home thinking nothing of it, ian sits home thinking all kinds of things and going through a whole range of emotions.
If her being your career affects you in a negative way mentally or physically , which from what i have read it has then some thing needs to be done.
Please don't blame yourself ian, you can't help caring about others and at the end of the day, she is the career and should act in a professional manner.
The last thing you should be doing is worrying about her.

That's the point her boyfriend was complaining about, she thinks too much about the people she cares for, he says she needs to forget about work. His words were "You come home and leave caring at the front door, don't bring it home!"

I know that on several occasions she has actually gone to see her clients in hospital after work, both female and male, she came to see me a few times after work.

About me being worried, yes I do worrry about her but I also worry about the people next door to me, if they go away and don't come back when they are expected (they have a caravan and go away on a weekend). I worry about there daughter when she goes out on a night drinking, I think about the bloke opposite, he is old and infirm. I am just a born worrier, full stop. And it might sound strange but if I haven't something to worry about I feel odd.

Then worry about yourself 1st.
Ian i admire you for being honest throughout this thread and the others recently.
But you need to try and focus on you more, your health and welfare is more important.
Maybe she needs to learn how to control her own feelings and keep her own life seperate to her clients, to be more professional in her job.
I would think you are to proud of yourself to want other peoples pity, you are alot stronger than you think.
I just hate the fact your worrying about her instead of getting yourself better.

I have read the whole of this thread and agree with the others i'm afraid.Your carer is overstepping the mark.

You sound very much like my Nan,she is also a born worrier,she worries about everything,even my kids going to school on there own.She's dreadful lol...

If I don't ring her for a few days she's on the phone asking if everything is ok as she was starting to worry about us.

You are a strong person Ian,you have been through the mill and back,I'm not sure I could have coped the way you have.

Big Hugs xx

There isn't really anything I can do to help my self get better, I am walking very well, all the profesionals think I'm doing marveloous, had the sister of the district nurses in today and I showed her how I'm walking with only 1 stick, she was amazed, she said you wouldn't know you had gone through all that. I can bend down and pick things up off the floor, I can get up from a low chair, walk up and down stairs. I only came out of hospital on the 21st of Feb.

My diabetes is under control, occasionally it does go haywire, but comes back to normal soon. My stumps that are bleeding I cannot do anything about, it is a problem for the prothetist, who are doing there best. My depression, I have had it for nearly 4 years off and on. I have been told that depression nearly always sets in after amputation. You are supposed to receive counselling automatic after having a amputation.

Also, this carer is the first woman that I have been able to talk to without being nervous (I'm nervouse talking to woman) I have only lived with my mum, I've had no real contact with other woman.


To be honet, if it wasn't for her, I don't think I would be this far advanced, between Blackie and her they have both given me something to work to.

Ian