Amicable parting

After a lot of deep soul searching I have decided that I want more out of life.
We've done alot of talking and realise that the two of us want so many different things.
Unfortunately I am so unhappy living here I feel truely lonely, my family don't live in Birmingham both sons moved out of Birmingham the first chance they got and my Mother moved to Lincolnshire some 9 years ago, I do ring her most days but seeing her would be better.
Pats family live on top of us, he's at one or the others houses everyday, goes out with his sons for a lads night, out with the lads from work and out with the lads from where he used to work, so basically he's having his life.
We foster and have done now for 7 years and as time goes on I see myself being left with the kids more and more, as you do and Pat taking as lesser and lesser role in the fostering.
Its now becoming a familiar sentence ''Its your job, I drive buses'' and a familiar thing for him to arrange nights out and tell me the same day.
We've disgusted this and we've amicabley agreed that he loves it here being in the bussom of his family and I hate it here, the area everything
Pat had said two years ago 'we'll move in 2 years' but as each 2 years comes it goes back to another 2 year
We came back from Scotland in August with him talking about plans to move there perhaps fostering and doing B&B, now those plans are on hold again. He has a stepdaughter which is the apple of his eye, again I find this strange as she means more to him than his own kids, but there you are, and I have suffered eight years of marriage listening to him quoting anything she has said, he tells her everything and she advises him in everything. OK I realise that when you have a special relationship you can not help it, but she is put before anyone, and whilst I am not jealous of them it is annoying as I am his wife.

Anyway we could go on for ever quarrelling, but yesterday I have had to tell him that I can not justify putting my life on hold whilst he just does his own thing. We agreed that he is scared to leave here and wants to stay put so his family is close, we been through the 'they can come for holidays etc' but its not enough for him, and I need to be nearer my family and visit my Mom more often....something haven't done for 9 months again...... he agrees that he doesn't like driving the 170 miles and having a day out and then traveling back, but having the dogs we can not stay as again we rely on his family to have them and they don't always fall into our plan (which again I understand) so I get let down.
If I go with my son's I find he out all day at his Moms or brothers/sisters etc and the dogs have been shut in all day so thats a pointless exercise as Reah needs to be let out often for wee's due to her injuries of years ago.

So we have decided to part company, I will continue to foster as a single carer, now I just need to find a property to rent which I can manage, either looking up north or Wales...infact Im not too bothered as long as I can see some greenery instead of factories, litter, high volume traffic, rubbish bags everywhere and over run with rats as we have here

I'm sad to read this Steph, as I would be if any couple were splitting up, but I can see that you have both thought it through and I'm so pleased that you can remain amicable over it.

I truly hope that you manage to find a lovely home where you can feel settled, it would be great if you could be near your Mom, Lincolnshire has some wonderful spots as you know and I am itching to get back there only having been away for just under 3 years.

(((Hugs))) for you all, and I hope that you receive lots of guidance to make this move the perfect one. xxx

I'm sorry to hear that it's come to this, but also very happy for you now that you can be where you want to be.
It can't have been easy having to put up with that for the last few years so good for you - many people would just have put up with it and been unhappy.
I hope everything works out as you want it to

Oh Steph...... I'm so sorry.

I, too, am terribly sad to be reading this, but you must do what's right for you both.

What will happen to the dogs?

Big love, chick xxxxx

Aw Steph, I am so sorry to be reading this... I know a little of how you feel regarding a big move to somewhere with greenery etc... we are planning on moving to Lincolnshire or Suffolk next year....
But I feel so sorry about you and Pat...((((HUGS)))) to you hun, you know I love you and if we both move to Lincs, we WILL meet up!!

(((Hugs))) Steph. It sounds like whatever you do and however long you wait you will be sitting there one day and be too old too do the things and live in the place you dream of, and then wish you had done what you are about too do soon.

It is hard breaking up from any relationship especially a long term one but if you are that unhappy it has too be. You deserve a life too.

I am sad for you and Pat but are pleased you are doing it now and can remain friends rather than it festering and it gets too the point where you storm out and cannot be friends.

Wishing you all the luck in the world finding your dream place too be. Thats what we will be doing soon.

Lincs would be a option, however Mom is 90 next year and once she went I'd have no-one there.
Vicki all the dogs and cats etc will be coming with me hun they are mine and Pat wouldn't be dedicated enough for me to leave anything here with him for my peace of mind.
I feel saddened that it has come to this, but I did spend 21 years with my ex hubby for the sake of the kids, I really don't see myself doing that again as we do not have kids between us.
Part of me says we married too quick, all romance etc., I knew that his stepdaughter was then having her say in our lives, but he seemed to know his own mind back then, of course once we married and settled into a life together, he gradually brought her so much into our lives, the running of the house,financies etc., that I have had to tell him that I will no longer have anything to do with her, which worked OK in someways because I don't see her, but it doesn't obviously stop him from going there and running any plans past her and taking her advice
His family are so important to him that it used to be a joke that he thought he'd fall off the edge of the world if he moved, but that joke is presenting itself more and more true
I think a latest event of me buying him clothes for holiday in Scotland, paying for the cabin and leaving myself skint was highlighted when I saw his latest bank statement of £3,894.00 in credit
When questioned over it, he had the nerve to say ''I dont spend my money only on a night out with the lads so I can not help it if you spend yours on clothes,decorating,house etc., This comes from the man who tells it ''I have no money all mine goes on mortgage, house insurance and the car'' (we have separate accounts) so now this made me see that maybe this was why our accounts have always been kept separate, but I thnk he took a deal made at work to secure thier jobs, advised by his stepdaughter and said nothing about it to me.
I told him last night I can not live like this Im an open person, probably wear my heart on my sleeve, so I get sh*t on
What I dont think he has fully understood yet is what the parting will mean, most of the stuff in the house at least 98% I bought so that will be moving with me.....looks like he won't have alot left (still he'll have the TV so I suppose thats his life support machine left intact ) and when Im sorted I will be seeing a solicitor about my share of the house.....which he seems to think as my name is not on the mortgage I won't get (his stepdaughters (wrong) advice) still that quarrel can wait till after I've gone, keeping things amicable is whats important at the moment as I have alot of organising to do

Honestly, blokes...... it's a wonder half of us aren't locked up in Holloway Women's Prison....

His running everything past his stepdaughter would drive me to distraction (as it has you) and I admire you for putting up with it for so long.

Sounds like you are ready for the separation, hon.

You know where I am if you need me, chick.

x0x0x0x

What a hard decision to make Hun.

You know I'm really fond of Pat, but if you are constantly unhappy, its probably for the best.

I know I haven't been around as much recently because of work, but if you need help with anything, just let me know.x

Big Hugsx

An incredibly hard decision as there is still a lot of good in your relationship but not enough to make you both as happy as you should be. I've struggled in my relationships and discovered I'm far happier not being in one, but that is just me. I'm a selfish little madam I guess

Hugs to you Steph, you're a strong person and I wish you all the happiness in the world. xxxxxx