just sending some hugs lynn xxx

take some time and be 'unavailable for a bit and see if that works. has done in the past for me and my mum. still hoping that now my mum is bit more settled in the sheltered housing she will try and be a bit more independent and not rely on me and m as much..but i guess its early days (sorry just need a little moan didnt mean to hijack your thread)

love and hugs and just enjoy some 'me' time

sue

It seems your mind is made up Lynn, and I'm glad you had such a nice day to enable you to think clearly again. This reminds me now of when Dave divorced his parents and his father had a solicitor's letter sent to him demanding he paid back some money he owed them (which he was paying monthly at that time), and also informing him he was taken out of the will Once again though, he was the ONLY member of his family who regularly went to visit almost every week-end (if he didn't, then he'd get blacklisted!) and the strange thing was, although they demanded his presence each week-end when he had had such a busy week, they just sat there watching the tv ignoring him or slagging me off lol! He had enough one day, came home and refused to take any more of their calls and that's how it's been for 6 years now.

I don't know what the outcome will be for you Lynn, whether she will pick up that phone and profusely apologise, if only to Gorden perhaps, or whether she'll stick to her guns you just won't know will you, only time will tell.

Like you say, at least you can start getting your own life back, nobody understands just how much time and effort is put into caring and helping our elders, and you only notice it yourself when you're not doing it anymore! I do remember how my mum would always have a fall or be ill if ever we wanted a day out together, or even an hour out together somewhere so eventually, we just never told her, we got in some help and disappeared lol! If I had of told her I was thinking of getting a puppy when we got Zena she would have made me change my mind, so thankfully, I never even told her about that until we went and got her and I brought her home and plonked her on her lap! ANYTHING, that detracts from them getting 100% of you 100% of the time is scowled at.

When my mum went into hospital for the first time, even though I took a suitcase full of her "stuff" that she couldn't live without (all her creams and potions), it goes without saying that when I carefully arranged it all on her bedside table and trolley, of course, I didn't bring the things she actually WANTED did I On my daily visits I was treated like one of the nursing staff, ordered about, never a "hello dear, nice of you to come" but thankfully for me, all those nurses and care home staff soon kicked her into shape and for once, I got very much appreciated when she ended up back at home with us again I can't thank them enough lol! Even the ambulance men who first took her there commented to me "that's a very demanding woman you've got there", that just about said it all!

Don't forget, I've seen this 2nd time around with mum, coz I worked for that old couple in the village caring for them each morning, and jeeeze that woman was actually worse than my mum, she could change overnight, with her snaps, her snarls, her growls and her constant demands, even the ambulance girl (who is a friend of mine), refused to take her to hospital once, but when told she'd have to, she said to me that she'd get her own back one day on her!!! When they're nice, they're very, very nice, but when they're bad, oooooh are they 'orrid!!

Deep breaths again then Lynn, enjoy your new found freedom, let's hope it lasts, and let's hope she comes to her senses and at least offers you the apology you so deserve.xxxxx

(((Hugs))) back Sue I know you suffer too.


Time will tell Helena I hate feling like this but she has pushed me over the edge this time.

Gill has been in touch after her afternoon phone call to mum and says she never mentioned it to her and said how nice the pork was I had cooked for her freezer dinners. Gill did her usual of saying you know how hard she works for you but no response.

Either there is something going on with her brain or she is being like her dad and brother and showing her really nasty side and if its the case of the latter there will be no apology and I don't feel I will be able to go back.

So we will see I am taking a long break just to make a point. Childish maybe ? I have been hurt once to often now.

As they say watch this space.

Don't blame you in the least Lynn, my mother was like this-but all the time. She went so far as to deny I existed whilst I was present, when asked about family her response was always "I only have my son, he's a headmaster"

When she had her stroke & went into hospital, she told everyone that I had poisoned her & caused the stroke, then complained that I never went to see her

When she ended up in a Nursing Home(because of course I "told the SSD & hospital she couldn't come home"-actually the hospital decided this as there is no possible wheelchair access here & nowhere for the special bed she needed to be put)she continued to complain that I didn't visit, but was nasty to everyone who did visit about me & continued to say I poisoned her.

It's Karma IMHO or what goes around comes around, I never visited her as I knew what she would be like & after having had her hatred of me all my life, I wasn't prepared to go out of my way for more abuse

Thats sad Joedee. Fortunately mum hasn't been that bad in the past but sitting back recently I realise how manipulated I have been in my teenage years and when my children were small to the point of losing friends when I had my first child that I had made because mum always wanted to be with us and I use to give up going swimming with my friends and their babies. Thats how its always been when you get older and life has moved on you look back and see how much of your life you have given up and I must admit after yesterdays outburst I am feeling a little resentful now.

One example for poor Gill many years ago after being diagnosed with lupus and feeling very ill she told mum she couldn't do her hair anymore on a Friday well the tantrum was unbelievable. Same as when my dad gave his car up he lost confidence driving after a small accident so I use to take her to Gills to get her hair done in my tea break and give up my lunch break to pick her up and take her home because otherwise our lives were a misery.

So now she is 91 and not in control anymore and has no power over us she gets to us and particularly me in this way. It has back fired this time. Weird thing is I do not feel as guilty over my decision as I thought I would.

Its always our fault Joedee.

I feel your pain, Lynn

Thinking of you *Hugs

Hi Lynn, so sorry you are going through this, it must be so hard. I 've said on a previous thread how similar your circumstances are to my mums. Exactly the same thing, stuff gone on in the past with my nan being very spiteful when my mum was growing up etc.

Same my mum doing everything for her but she thinks the sun shines out of her sons backside even though he doesn't do much at all.

Mums recently found out that nan has left her house etc to my uncle as well, my mum is so hurt by it all. My uncle controls the purse strings thats all he does, mum takes her to appointments, does her housework etc etc.

My uncle phoned my mum and asked if she would take nan to Eastbourne on a daytrip so mum agreed, nan said to her last week "you can give me the money for your ticket when i see you next" when she paid for her own birthday meal with my uncle and his family (she paid for all of them apparently, they should have paid) and yet she can't even pay for the ticket after all my mum does for her.

You have my total sympathy. Hugs xxxxxx

Thanks Lou.

Gosh that is so spiteful.

I have just had a brief conversation with mum which I didn't want. The district Nurses have messed up about going in to do her blood test today for her next appoinment. There excuse the paperwork isn't there excuse me it is and has been for 2 weeks and your department were told this. Her response we don't talk to each other my reply well what a bl**dy stupid system then, so she said I may be able to fit her in later or tommorow so my retort was whatever I am so annoyed with you all.

Spoke to mum no apology so I made it brief and to the point. Not sure whether she has had her post today and her appoiment card I returned or whether it will turn up tomorrow if she has had it today she never said anything.

tomorrow I am off the radar as Gorden and I are off to the Lakes for the weekend. I am on the radar for Gill though and my kids of course.

Have a lovely break Lynn, your brothers will have to sort your mum out for once won't they. You deserve some time to yourself and your family xx

Oh nice one Lynn, that's the ticket, get away for the week-end, go awol, and most of all..... DON'T worry about anybody else, just enjoy yourselves! Forget them except for Gill of course xxx