whats worst!!

what do you think is the worst thing your partner could do ?
do you think lying to you or cheat?
just wondered because my partner lied big time to me for months and i'm having a hard time forgiving him and trusting him. so much so that i'm not sure we'ill stay together.
he moans at me saying other men do a lot worse like cheating and they get forgiven but in my opinion lying is a lot worse.

what do you guys think?

oooh - really difficult one

at first I would say to cheat - but it would depend on the lie that was told - both are equally bad - relationships are supposed to be built on mutual trust.

I think both are a dumpable offence - just depends on the severity of the lie though

not much help am I

i wish i could just walk away but we've got kids and i do really love him. i really want to trust him, scared of him hurting me again.

(((hugs)))

if you really want it to work out it can. If you believe hes really sorry for what hes done to you then put it in the past and try and move forward. Once you've been hurt and the trust taken away its so hard to get back to "normal" but it can be done.

Hope it all works out for you

I guess to me they can be similar, depending on the lie. When people cheat they inevitably lie, don't they? It depends on what he lied about and the repercussions of his lies and how badly it affected you and your trust. I was in a very deceitful relationship for a time and I know it can drive you to despair.

I'm so sorry Molly. Only you can really know how damaged your trust is, if he's likely to do it again, how sincere he is now ... have you tried Relate or similar, just to get things out in the open and try to repair things. You obviously love him and have children together so I guess ideally you would be able to trust again, he would show himself to be trustworthy and you could get over this.

I think one is as bad as the other.....I cannot stand people that lie!!

he needs to earn your trust which will be hard and take time for you to trust him again.
the lie will always be in the back of your mind untill it comes to a time you can forget about it.
i think cheating is worse as it is physical and emotional blow but lies can hurt as much depending on how bad it is.
i think you have more chance of putting it behind you if you both want to improve your relationship you will have bad times its part of the path to get back on track.
i hope you can work things out so your happy again.

I really don't know what would be worse,either I suppose when you think this person is meant to love you and not hurt you,not to that degree anyway I think we all hurt one another at times but usually only little things which after a good row sort themselves out.I suppose it depends how much you want to forgive him and if you feel he won't lie again.I do hope you sort things out and can move on from this.

Lynn.xx

Sorry Molly that you are going through a tough time

Lying and cheating go hand in hand in my humble opinion.

When things like that have happened in the past to me I would get upset, angry and hurt.

It wasn't until I studied sociology that made me see bad situations proactively. By looking past my own personal hurt and analysing what triggered the lie to emerge - and then identify where the certain events and behaviours which had paved the way for the lie, does this make sense? By questioning events over the last months, changes in your behaviour, changes in your OH's behaviour, external/internal influences etc sometimes you can spot where its going wrong, the lie itself is the product of a build up of events & behaviours - patterns even.

Hope this helps, or makes any sense at all.

Wish you well with it gal, and try not to lose sleep over it if you can.

xi

IMO, cheating IS lying.

I was in a relationship where my ex did both, some of the lies were whoppers, but he was always caught out. It undermined any trust I had for him and inevitably split us up.

To be a good liar you have to have an even better memory. This could be just a one off and hopefully your trust in him will be rebuilt.

Good luck hun, I hope things work out for the best.

xxx