I am in a predicament.....

My ex father in law passed away yesterday. He was 86 years old and suffered with leukaemia. It was expected towards the end......

My problem is his son (my ex). We are still friends, and he is suffering with cancer himself. He is going through chemo at its absolutely flooring him at the moment to the extent that he is housebound.

Apart from dealing with the death of his father, he is feeling as if his life is ending itself.

I want to help him, and he won't let me. He has a sister who lives about 2 hours away, who is as useful as a chocolate fireguard !!!! He has a son who is 23 years old, but I think that he is full of his own life at the moment, and doesn't realize how ill his dad is.

Do you think I should just knock on the door, and try to sort things out with him? (contacting the funeral directors, etc)?

Not sure how to handle this one....

It depends when you say he won't let you has he point blank reused help with sorting out his fathers funeral or is that regarding help with anything at all.

You can only offer but if he says no its his choice.

I`m so sorry. Perhaps a letter or card to start with? Express sympathy and make the offer. Be practical - offer something specific, like providing the tea after the service?
TBH I doubt he`s thinking that logically atm.

He's a very proud man, and probably a little embarrassed that he cannot do it all himself. Claire, its probably a good idea about the tea after the funeral.

He just isn't strong enough to get through this on his own.