Phew. Well today went bette than I was expecting.

Mum has been really off with me over the last couple of weeks because of having to have Home helps and the Nurses none of which I did out of spite but because the Hospital and her Dr decided she needed, Nurses discharged her Sunday.
Also the fact that the Home helps are now doing her shopping with her which I have done for the past 21 years I decided it was time for someone else to step in and we would do nicer things together. But she didn't like that.
Anyway Gill had a word with her and told her how hard I had worked to set all these things up and she should be grateful, I was expecting her to be in a mood today still but she was a little better and it was raining so we decided to go to a garden centre have a look round and have a coffee, we will have walk when it is drier, I have told her next week I will prune her roses cut her tree back that needs doing and clean her conservatory with her, and that was the idea of letting someone else pick up the shopping.
Gill has told me she went shopping with the Home help and the girl is going to take her to Tesco next time for a change so I think she has the best of both worlds now and hopefully is beginning to realise it.
So I feel a lot happier and that a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Awww... Lynn honey, it's so difficult when they don't see what you're trying to do. That's the problem that we had with my mother-in-law. We were all bad B******s in the end and she wasn't happy about being in hospital. Sometimes you just have to do what you think is best. I know how difficult it is. We've just been through it. Unfortunatley, my mother-in-law would not entertain the district nurses at all and it could have been one of the contributing factors to her illness becoming fatal.
She will realise that you're trying to do your best for her and I know how exhausting it can be trying to do it all yourself. Take a deep breath. I hope she continues to enjoy doing the nicer things with you. xx

Thanks WH I hope she will. I think it will be ok now, it must be hard for them but it is hard for us too. At least she gets to stay in her own home which at 88 she is very lucky to be able to do so still.
How are you and OH ?

Lynn, that's brilliant news! Sounds like a win/win situation to me. So pleased Mum's come to her senses at last

x0x0x

Oh Lynn I know exactly were your coming from. When my aunt was diagnosed with terminal cancer a few years ago the only person she'd let help was my mum (who was 76 at the time) In the end I thought I was going to lose my mum first and arranged for district nurses and home helps and I was in soo much trouble.
In the end I think they both realised it was for the best, In stead of mum being resentful, tired out, snappy and bad tempered they spent some lovely days together specially towards the end, just chatting and watching tv.
Sure your mum will realise in the end quality time is what matters when you getting on in life.
Hugs and kisses xxx

Glad you've got the help she needs, which in turn is going to give you a real break Lynn. I know exactly what you mean, because when I visited Mum yesterday, after having the week-end off, I got the "oh, hello" treatment too!! I don't think it's because they expect us to be there for everything, it's more the fact that they feel more secure when it's us doing their bidding so to speak? I'd like to think that anyway. Don't forget when they get old and frail like this, they also get frightened, and having strangers around them is just not the same as having the family member they're used to ordering around, aka you and me!!!

I know you said she won't go into sheltered housing, but maybe this will be some kind of stepping stone for her to realise in future years she might have to take a bigger step and get 24hr round care, be it in a care home or whatever, and although I never thought my mum would accept it, she's actually reluctant to come back home now because she feels so very safe knowing she has that bell to push and gets 3 nurses around her instantly like happened on Sunday when she suffered yet another fall, but on her head this time, blood everywhere Thanks goodness they didn't bother with an ambulance, they took care of it themselves, otherwise you know where I'd be back to don't you!

I hope she goes from strength to strength with her new helpers, and it's right that you should distance yourself bit by bit, just to get her used to the idea that you won't always be there 24/7 as the years go on, which you can't Lynn, you honestly can't! I only realise that now that I'm not!!!xxxx

I'm sure you'll be fine with her now. Of course it's hard for them but as you say hard for us too. Good for her staying in her own home at 88, that's brilliant!
We're doing ok thanks, just waiting to be able to have the funeral next week then try to start getting things back to 'normal' whatever that is. Tough time. Give your mum a big cuddle and all will be well.xx

Thanks Vicki, i think it has sunk in now and that she really is quite a lucky lady.

Thankyou MS you did the right thing for your Mum and your Nan sometimes they can get very selfish when the get older and forget we are getting older too, and you are right it is nice to be able to spend some wuality time with them doing nice things becaus eat that age they are on borrowed time.

Thankyou Helena, I think she knows deep down that day will probably dawn and not in the too distant future and that is why she gets into her paddies because deep down she knows she will not always cope with being in that house alone, but hey thats another bridge to cross when and if the time comes. For now we will make the most of having some nice times together and me being a nicer Daughter and not so snappy.
Hope your Mum is ok now after her fall. What a relief for you there was someone else too sort it out.
I know that oh hello only too well.

Bet you are dreading that day but when its over you seem to be able to move on a bit at a time. Until that passes everything seems to stand still even though you are running around like headless chickens. (((Hugs)). xx

That's great Lynn...she'll soon realise that it's much nicer to be spending time with you doing nice things rather than just the chore of shopping.

Thanks Julie Mum doesn't find shopping a chore she thinks 2 hours trawling round Sainsbury's is fun where as I hate it.