Aaaarrrggghhh...

No more than Gill and I expected today really.

Michael arrived with mum back to the house before the rest of us and we had to take his word that mum managed the tasks he set.

She is going home Gill and I will set up the carers and according to Michael and Paul no more than 4 a day needed. I did say to mum so when you fall do not call us meaning Gill and I as we have done so much in the past me more than any of them. Michael did not say we have decided to give you girls a rest and thank you for all you have done it was you are off the hook she will ring me. Now he lives in Norfolk so how quick is he going to get there ?

Gill and I are going to have a set up of we are not answering our phones when mum goes home we will pick up messages because we know it is going to be can you get there to sort the problem ? I know it sounds mean and horrible but we are at our wits end with it all me in particular because of all the years I have picked up the pieces and sorted things for her and Gill because she is quite ill again. Between mum and our brothers this is what they want so they will have to pick up the pieces in the not too distant future.

The brother I had words with in 2010 over her care did ignore me when he arrrived but was speaking to me by the time he left.

So a week of research and my time all wasted again. Not anymore though next time it is down to the them mum wants home they want her there so their problem.

Sorry for the rant needed to get it off my chest.

I am so sorry, it must be such a worry for you and Gill. I don't know what to say, your brothers should be thinking long and hard about what's best for your mum. I bet they don't worry half as much as you do.

Families, who'd have them.

Oh Lynn, I'm really sorry........ I'm not sure what else to say.
I have an older sister that tends to make all the decisions that should be considered as a family. I know that if I'm faced with the same family difficulties you are, she would do exactly the same as your brother. She would decide what had to be done and leave me to carry it out. You have my heartfelt sympathies.

Hiya Lynn, I am so sorry to hear that you are facing these frustrations.

We are going through exactly the same with my FIL at the moment!! They keep discharging him from the hospital with no aftercare, but promising that care will be attending. We cannot keep doing it ourselves. He is now incontinent, and struggling to toilet even!! They discharge him on the Friday, and the GP has him re-admitted on the Monday.

You think that you are getting somewhere (because the elderly are stubborn and will not accept the help from anyone other than family), then it all falls apart, and the agreement put in place by SS then fall by the wayside, and you are back to square one!!

Obviously your brothers don't realize how much that you and Gill have put in over the years?? Is it a male thing? Do they think that it's a piece of P***? It must be really difficult for you, but you really must leave them to it......

My FIL was re-admitted last night (yet again). I have tonight let Mark go up to the hospital to arrange appointments with the Consultant. I will go and support him during these appointments, but he has a sister who doesn't give a damn..... why should I keep doing it? I have my own dad to look after. I know I sound really selfish, but I can only do so much.

Good Luck with your situation. You and Gill really need to ignore your phones as you said, take a back seat, and let the others do a little for a change.

Hugs to you x x

Time has come for you to protect yourselves, hard as that will be {{{hugs}}}

Thanks all what doesn't kill you makes you stronger is what they say and I think thats what it has done for both Gill and I this time around.

What makes us mad and me in particular is all that they are now deciding to do is the first time for them. I have done all these things for years and it made me ill. I was going through a difficult change and suffered terrible depression ended up on prozac no way do I want to go down that road again it nearly cost me my marriage in 2009 when Gorden said he could not pick me up again from another episode of me doing it all becoming ill and then withdrawing into myself and pushing him out. I sorted the stair lift out when I was ill I kept going backwards and forwards and the wet room while bleeding heavily and then through a cervical cancer scare and Gill has been active with the hospital and supporting her through illness and falls for the past 21/2 years while recovering from a big operation and still dealing with cancer. We will stick together now like we have always done and look after ourselves for a change.

My brothers have a distinct dislike of each other but when it comes to mum and the house stick toegehter like glue.

We are going to protect ourselves it will be easier for me after the awful things mum said to me back in the summer I can be nice to her and I can visit but I can never feel quite the way I did before she said those things. Mum is as usual happy if she is getting her own way.

I have researched the homes like he asked I have researched the finance and what we need to do like he asked now it is up to him what he does with it and in the future when she is hospitilised again thorugh another fall which she undoubtedly will be. He has the information this is the second time I have done this. Not anymore they always make the decisions in the end so no point in me spending a week making phone calls ad asking questons if all he does is ignore it.

Deb you have my deepest sympathy we went through this time after time and still do I hope it all gets sorted out it is tiring and you just feel like giving up sometimes. If you need a chat pm me.

know how your feeling lynn, but we are having crap from socialworkers my god if i was employing them id be giving them their p45s. no-one informed us that after MILs last fall she was going into a home, and when we asked it was for what they call step down. which is funded not by us but they didnt tell us it was only for 3 days!!! so getting a bill for over a thousand pounds through the post was a big shock, and of course we did the tennis game of back n forth no-one telling anything. and when they did it was all different things. if we had known they where going to charge us 500 quid a week, i would of booked her into a hotel across the road. and had her here every day for food ect. would of been cheaper.
now she comes home sunday. and it will all start again. groannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
hope u manage to get some *me* time lynn

You stick to your guns and take a well deserved step back. If your health and marriage are affected then you must put yourself first and let your brothers take the flack.

I really admire a lady I know: she researched all the care homes herself and when the time came sold her place and booked herself into the one of her choice. Unfortunately not everyone is that forward thinking.